86,400 Seconds

From sunup to sundown, each day graces us with exactly 1440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. 24 hours. How many of these minutes, how many of these hours, how many of these precious, precious seconds do we spend remising about what is not? Gratitude is the anecdote for regret, remorse, and affliction. If we utter not another prayer during our seemingly busy days, a prayer of thanks would be enough. It would be enough...

On this day of gratitude, I must express that in spite of what is wrong with this world, there is so much that is right. If you would take a moment to leave me a comment about what is right in YOUR world, I would be ever so thankful. Happy, happy Thanksgiving.

*For a special post about gratitude, please stop by Laura's blog. She requested that people send her a few sentences about what they are grateful for and will be posting the responses on Thanksgiving Day. The results should be amazing.

Favorite Children and A Mother's Prerogative

I must admit something. I have a favorite child. I do. Those of you who know me, are probably shaking your heads right now thinking that I am half-crazy for admitting this.(Put down the phone, Dad.) But it is true, and I do. Twenty-two and a half years ago, God began blessing me with daughter, after daughter, after daughter, with yet another daughter! And no, to answer your question, we were not trying for a boy, we are not Catholic or Mormon, and we do know what causes that. Once we had our oldest Angel Daughter, I dreamed of having another one so that she would have a sister. After Angel Daughter Number Two was born and I became pregnant yet again, I figured I was on a roll so why stop now. And by the time Angel Daughter Number Three bounced happily into this world and we were blessed with our one and only surprise baby, AD4, I truly wanted another little girl. I decided that at that point, I would not even have known what to do with a boy! So, with four Angel Daughters, it is hard not to have a favorite.

But herein lies the truth. At any given moment, and it can change as frequently as the hormones do in our mostly girly family, my favorite child changes. Another Mother once told me that her Mother once told her that the favorite child is the one who needs you the most at that time. Interesting perspective, but somewhat different from mine. For me, it is the one who breezes through the door to ask me if it is okay to wear a certain shirt for a job interview. It is the one who calls me to excitedly describe her day. It is the one who hugs me so hard that it ends up taking my breath away. It is the one who makes me laugh so hard that I do lose my breath. It is the one who walks into my room eating an after-school snack looking like a little forest pixie. Ask me which one is my favorite, and I just might tell you. Ask me again in ten minutes and I can guarantee that the answer will change. That is a Mother's prerogative.
I took these pictures of Angel Daughter Number Three a couple of weeks ago. We were browsing around the little shops in Laguna Beach, when I had a "favorite child" moment. At seventeen years old, AD3 is going through some changes that all adolescent girls go through at one time or another. She can be very tentative, private and quiet. It is a stage in a Mother's life which is sometimes difficult to navigate. I am watching my adorable little girl transform into a woman, right before my eyes.
But then there are moments like this. Moments in which the silly little girl melds with the blossoming young woman and my heart is overtaken with awe.
Moments when I can still see who she once was, while reveling in who she is now. Moments when I can enjoy all of the parts of the same. The very same.

I don't think that I have introduced you to Jacob yet. Jacob is Angel Daughter Three's boyfriend. He is studying to be a Firefighter while working hard and attending college. I like that AD3 can be more of who she is when she is with Jacob. I like that he is not afraid to be goofy! I like it when my girls are content.

As my family moves forward into yet another uncharted phase of life, I must admit that I will always have a favorite. Each one of my Angel Daughters is my favorite child at one moment or another. I am sure that each one of them has a favorite parent or sister from moment to moment, as well. But the truth, my truth, is that it takes four parts to make a whole. And for me, it takes four daughters to make a favorite.

And Yet Another Reason Why I Adore Blogging

Today, my spirit is singing a song of gratitude. In a world where so much can seem wrong, I am choosing to dwell on what is right. In a world where pain can so easily become the focus, I am choosing to feel a peaceful acceptance. And in a world where there are individuals who can treat others with such selfish, horrific disrespect, I am choosing to surround myself with those whose souls are healing and gentle. This is not to say that there are not days when I am overcome with sadness. There are. This is not to say that I am not a realist who knows how life can batter and bruise the human psyche. I do. But I also understand that no matter how hard things become, they can always get worse. Or better. And today, in this moment, I am choosing to believe in better.

This past weekend, Mark took me away to celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. These photos were taken in Santa Cruz and Carmel, CA. Two of the most beautiful places on earth. I will share more photos from the trip, soon, but for now I just wish to say thank you.
Thank you to all of my wonderful blogging friends. Welcome to my new ones! There is so much generosity of spirit in the blogging world. I am so grateful to have discovered a sense of community in a place that can seem so impersonal.
Thank you to my wonderful husband for taking me up into the clouds and then grounding me safely back on the earth, once again. EGBOK, my love.

Thank you to my beautiful Angel Daughters for keeping the nest well-feathered while we were gone. I am so very proud of each one of you. If I accomplish nothing else in this lifetime, being your Mother and being Daddy's wife will have deemed me a very successful woman.
When we arrived home from our trip, I spent a little time catching up on all of the daily stuff that builds up when you go away. Much to my delight, there was a package waiting for me when I went through the mail from Kathleen Botsford. Kathy is a very special blogger who also creates the most beautiful jewelry. I am humbled to say that she made this necklace just for me. She used African Turquoise and Swarovski crystals. It is beautiful, isn't it? Kathy's wonderful blog is about life, family and her own personal journey which she expresses through the most heartfelt words and spiritual artworks. Kathleen is a very honest, loving, and empathetic angel who always seems to know just what to say. If you haven't already had the pleasure of perusing her website, stop over there and say hello.
Kathy is truly somebody worth knowing. Thank you, sweet friend, for the gorgeous necklace and the beautiful postcards. I will cherish them, always, as I do you.

I also want to say thank you to two other fabulous bloggers. The first one is to a wonderful doctor who writes a blog which I have listed under my favorites. The site is How to Cope With Pain. It is extremely well-written and informative. This doctor, who chooses not to focus on her own identity because she is still in practice, is a compassionate, understanding and knowledgeable individual. I am very honored to say that one of my posts about spirituality and illness was featured on one of How to Cope With Pain's most recent blog-carnivals. If you ever need any information on dealing with pain(and who doesn't!), head over there and check out this blog. It is one of the best ones out there when it comes to learning more about pain.

I also would like to extend my gratitude to Laura from Shine the Divine. Laura has been on my blog roll for quite some time because I have always been able to find inspiration in her words and artwork. Recently, I discovered that Laura has been living with Multiple Sclerosis. She is in the midst of a terrible flare and will soon be starting a treatment regimen which will hopefully offer her renewed energy and spirit.(God willing.) Laura published one of her daughter's bittersweet poems, as well as some lovely photographs taken by her other daughter. She mentioned that she was inspired to share her beautiful daughters because of what she read here on my site. If you are in need of some inspiration, pop over to Laura's site. She has such an encouraging view on life. Thank you, Laura, for sharing your own Angel Daughters, as well as their blossoming creativity!

And to all of my other friends and faithful readers. You matter to me. I began writing as a way to work through my own thoughts, but one of the reasons that I continue writing is because of your support and encouragement.

Thank you.

From Fondant to Fangs

My oldest Angel has taken to baking interesting and intricate cakes which require working with something called fondant. Fondant. Just the word sounds messy and complicated!
So when she showed up on Halloween morning with her boyfriend, The Cheesemiester(a nickname gained after a Pizza-Hut commercial that he starred in) and her best friend from middle school, to create a masterpiece, I knew it would be amusing. They baked a blood-red cake. They created the fondant and used black food coloring to achieve the dark, black as night color. They pounded and kneaded for thirty to forty minutes each, coating their hands in Crisco so that the black food coloring would not stain their skin. The Cheesemiester definitely enjoyed this activity the most!(Boys!) And when everything was finished, they carefully rolled out the fondant(Can you tell I like using that word?) into a thin layer. They then placed it gingerly over the top of the cake and cut around the edges so that it would fit perfectly. The entire project took several hours...

which is probably why there were exuberant high-fives going on when the cake was finally completed!(That and the exorbitant amount of powdered sugar, marshmallow and frosting they ingested.)

Lots of pictures were taken.

Muscles were displayed with pride.
Until AD1 sensed what was going on behind her head,
and she turned around to take a bite out of her boyfriend's finger!
The finished product was a cake for a birthday/Halloween party with a Vampire theme. HBO has been running a series called True Blood for the past year and a half which features, you guessed it, Vampires.(and Werewolves!) I watched it first season, but have yet to catch up on the second one. It is pretty scary!
My oldest Angel Daughter who has the most vivid imagination, LOVES SCARY! My sweet, never hurt a fly, spiritual, beautiful Angel Daughter LOVES SCARY!!!
Which is why she transformed herself from this...
INTO THIS...(Sorry, Micah!)
for Halloween!(No animals were actually harmed during the photographing of this Vampire!)
Mark is so proud of his little Vampire!(No Daddies were harmed, either.)
And since AD1 would never consider harming another living thing, she brought her own supply of Tru Blood to the party. Tru Blood is a synthetically prepared drink created specifically for Vampires who choose to live(or un-live), as vegetarians.(It's actually orange soda, but don't tell anyone.)
From fondant to fangs. Sometimes we need to challenge ourselves by taking the things that scare us the most and facing them head on!

Happy November, dear hearts!

And at the end of the Day, Life is Very, Very Good

*Angel Daughter Number Three

For all that I have been through...Must still go through...These are the faces that make it all worthwhile. My growing daughters. My Angels. Each a singular being unto themselves, but also a part of something bigger. Much, much bigger.

*Angel Daughters Number Four and Number One

Beauty, growth and transformation...

*Self-portrait of Angel Daughter Number Two

With each step towards their independence, I envision what is possible, and I take a step towards mine, knowing that our futures will forever be intermingled.

*Self-portrait of AD2

For we are all headed there anyway. Towards our futures. Even in this second, this minute, this hour, this day...So why not head there with acceptance, togetherness and joy?
*AD4 and AD1. Our cat Callie. Baking Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread together.

Creating. Working together. Learning from one another until we forget who knew it first.
*Angel Daughter Number Three

Stopping to share a moment even on the busiest of days. Reminding one another that we are family.
*Angel Daughter Number Four

Incidentally, it might be the eyes that give it away.(that we are family)

*Angel Daughters and their Dad, my Love.

Or the group hugs.

*Micah-Ten months.

Or someone's constant need to make everyone else in the family laugh.(Sorry, Micah:))
*San Clemente sunset on October 24, 2009

But at the end of the day, life is good. Very, very good. Because that is the way that I see it.

And regardless of all the background noise that sometimes tries to muck up the music, the soundtrack of my life, of our lives together, will always be We are Family(by Sister Sledge). And if you happen to be someplace with us and that song comes on, be prepared to DANCE with abandon. Because that is what we will do.

I am one very lucky woman.

The Slice In-Between

In the midst of doing some household chores down at our beach house, a couple of days ago, something called my attention to the window. The day had been rather cool and grey and dreary, which to me is lovely beach weather. However, when I looked outside, something unexpectedly caught my attention. It was around six-thirty in the evening. The ocean was calm and flat. And peaking through on the horizon was a slice of orange-red sky highlighting the outline of Catalina Island. Wispy white puffs of cloud floated effortlessly throughout the skyline.

I reached for my camera, as I so often do, and a sliver of sun made its way out from underneath the dark cloak of ominous clouds which created a thick blanket of darkness across the heavens.

As I observed the transition between day and night and momentary day, once again, I realized that what I was witnessing was a segment between heaven and earth. Ocean and sky. And I stood in awe of the scene which was surrounding me.
For a moment, I had the distinct feeling that I was a small piece of it all. A fragment of something that mattered in the scene which was unfolding before me. That I, with my feet planted firmly on the earth, but with the wings of my soul struggling madly to reach up into the heavens, live on a slice somewhere in-between.

May you find your place in the "in-between" and know that it is exactly where you belong. May you take notice of your own slices of earth and sky, day and night, heaven and here. And may you nurture the feeling that you are a part of it all, and that for now, heaven is here.

Blogging, Blessings and Blue

I have been asked by people who know that I blog, but who do not blog themselves, what I "get" from keeping an online, interactive journal. There seems to be a sort of mystique which surrounds the blogging world. One that is not easily understood by those who have little contact with these open little alcoves in cyberspace. To those individuals who do not understand, it seems odd that there are so many of us who are willing to share the events of our lives with seemingly total strangers. And I am sure that for a time, I was more like them. I did not understand. Even when I started my own blog a bit over two years ago, I wasn't sure exactly why I was doing it. I only knew that I wanted to write and express myself through pictures. I only knew that words were very important to me. I only knew that I wanted to start somewhere.

I began writing and the words just began to pour out. I wrote about the things that mattered to me. I wrote about my four Angel Daughters, my husband and our lives together. I wrote about sea glass and my walks on the beach. I wrote about the things that brought me joy, the things that caused me pain and the things that made me think. I wrote, because it gave me an outlet from which to sort out my life. And a very interesting thing happened. People began reading. As they began reading, they began leaving me comments. I was both surprised and delighted. The words which people took the time to leave here, left me feeling energized and understood. I followed those readers back to their own blogs.(The readers who have blogs, anyway.) Something very unexpected began to occur. Over time, friendships were forged. People whom I would most certainly never have the opportunity to meet became people who I began to care about, deeply. There was a benefit to blogging that I had never even considered. It made the world a smaller, more accessible place.

A couple of months ago, I had the unique pleasure of actually meeting one of my favorite blogging friends. Her blog name is Blue and if you are lucky enough to know her, you will most certainly recognize her lovely little heart signature whenever she comments. Even without it, she would stand out as her comments are always very kind and thoughtful. One day, I got an email from Blue saying that she would be doing a quick passthrough CA with her son and that she wanted to meet me. I immediately emailed her back and told her that I would LOVE to meet her so that I could finally give her that hug in person. We made some plans to meet up the next day at the beach. Because of my illness, I am a very, very, very late riser, so by the time I woke up, my husband, Mark, and Blue had talked several times. Blue wanted to take her son to the beach, so we decided that we would meet down there. Walking down the beach, I spotted Blue, right away. It was like getting together with someone who I had met hundreds of times before. I noticed Blue in the distance wearing a lovely pink skirt, a white tee-shirt, and a floppy white hat on her head. She was barefoot, dancing in and out of the waves taking pictures of her adorable son. As I walked on the beach towards them, I noticed a piece of sky-blue sea glass on the sand. I tucked it in my pocket as I picked up the pace. Blue noticed me when I was about twenty feet away. We made our way towards one another. The hug we shared was heartfelt and genuine. For the next couple of hours, we sat and chatted as we watched her son playing in the waves. I gave her the piece of light blue sea glass that I found because it matched her eyes. Sitting and talking with Blue felt like reconnecting with an old friend. Blue's son was just precious. He was a natural in the water and talking to him made me laugh in a way that only a child can make you laugh. That pile of seaweed in the picture behind us is a pile that Blue's son collected from the ocean floor. With strength and determination, he schlepped huge amounts of seaweed out of the water and onto the sand. The tenacity of children...

When it was time to say good-bye, I asked Blue's son to take a picture for us. He took about fifteen which made us all laugh.

So how do a nice, little Jewish girl from California(New York, originally) and a sweet, loving Mormon girl from Utah(California, originally) find one another? Blogging. Surreal, somewhat futuristic, but not so far-fetched when you actually "get" it.
Once upon a time, I received the most glorious gift from Blue. After reading about my connection with sea glass, she put together a collection which she collected on the beach in Hawaii. When I unexpectedly received it in the mail one day, I was overwhelmed by Blue's kindness. For those individuals who do not understand what might possibly be gained from blogging, the answers are many. But for now, I will just start with one simple word which anyone can understand...A benefit that I, myself, never really expected, but will forever be changed by. Friendship.

Risking Growth

Recently, I took a forward stroke toward achieving something that is not only important for me, but concerns the lives of many others, as well. Involved in this chapter of my story, is a place that I never desired to go. Unchartered, untraveled territory which will require tenacity, determination, and unadulterated chutzpah, span the distance ahead of me; but I have no choice. I have done all that I could in order to sail the smoothest route, but when the shark continued nipping wildly at my toes, I had to make the decision to do more than just quietly removing my toes from the water. I had to calculate the risks involved in diving into the water along with the shark.

Risk, in itself, often carries with it a negative connotation. Risk can leave us feeling exposed. It causes us to face the unknown. It leaves us open to the elements. By avoiding risk, we might feel as if we can also avoid things like rejection, guilt, being wrong, conflict and anger, but the truth is that by avoiding risk, we also avoid growth. And to me, there could be nothing worse than leading a life that is stagnant. Without taking risks, there is nothing to be gained. We must take risks because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To gain nothing. To go nowhere. Without taking risks, how will we ever understand our own capacity for strength?

I am standing on the precipice of a decision that I, along with Mark and our Angel Daughters, have made in lieu of drowning in a sea of regrets. It is a place that not many have stood upon before us, and the view is a bit uncertain from here. But one thing is for sure. The risk is not what will eat me alive. I feel safe in my uncertainty because it would be the inaction, not the action of taking the risk, which would leave me open to the whim of this shark, and that is something which would certainly pull me under.

Take a risk, love. Look into the face of whatever shark is nipping at your toes, and make the decision to swim for your life.