Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Reflections on What Must be

My youngest Angel got ahold of my camera and decided to take some pictures on her own the other day.  I must have reprimanded her several times about not wanting to have my picture taken because I wasn't wearing any make-up, my hair was a mess, blah, blah, blah.  And then I stopped.  I stopped because I remembered that none of that truly matters.  I stopped because I remembered that turn-around is fair play and I certainly take enough pictures of my children when they protest.  I stopped because I got close enough to my husband to feel drawn into him and what we must deal with as a constant and solid team.
We are on the precipice of making some very important, life-altering decisions right now.  Decisions I never even dreamed that I might someday have to make.  Decisions that require the right amount of strength, patience and solidarity.  Decisions that fill me with equal amounts of fear and steadfastness.
But I have never been one to back down from what I know is right.  And Mark has always believed in justice.  And we have always taught our Angels to stand up for what they believe even when the journey upon which they are about to embark is something that might change the course of their lives as they have known them.
Looking back on these pictures, I no longer see a moment when I was worried about how I looked on the outside.  I see a moment captured by our youngest Angel as we walked along the beach.  I see a moment of unsureness mixed with resolution.  I see a moment of solidarity which assures me that everything will be okay in the end as long as we stick together as a team.  As long as we stick together as a family of six.

Yesterday, someone asked me if there was anything, anything at all that I wouldn't do for one of my children.  Without a second thought, my answer was an absolute no.  Now I must apply that same answer to a situation which is only one step further out, but just as close to my heart.  I must put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.  And as I ask myself why?  Why bother, why put myself and my family through this?  Why not turn a blind eye and just go about my own life?  Screw 'em.  The answer comes crashing hard into my heart and mind.  Love.  Devotion.  And being able to look at myself in the mirror whether I have make-up on or not.

Now those are some thoughts that are worth holding onto, long after the photos will be forgotten.


kim-d said...

I cannot even imagine a scenario in which you would say "screw 'em", Deb! You're just NOT a "screw 'em" kinda gal. And that is a compliment of the highest order.

The pictures of you and Mark are beautiful; how very fortunate your angel must have felt as she was taking those pictures to have the two of you as parents. Whatever it is that your family will be embarking on, if you're doing it...then it is the right thing!

I just returned from a (too) short trip to Florida, where I had NEVER been before. I miss that salty sea air, I miss that white sand, I miss the water that washes anything negative away. Your pictures always take me where I need to be, even if only in my mind. :) But, as always, it's your words that really transform me...

RawPhotography said...

I love you so much, You have taught me that looks do not matter. And you are right. People should love you for who you are, no matter if your having a bad hair day! I hope that you consider that everyday!
I love you angel from heaven
Love always,
Monkey Butt

Lorrie Veasey said...

awwww; which is sweeter? This post or that comment from Monkey Butt?

JenX67 said...

I've been reading in Deuteronomy 31 this week.

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy G_d, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You make me happy. Plain and simple. And knowing that you are standing up to "whatever it is" makes me so proud. You are an inspiration to us all.

And btw, you look fantastic in yellow!

Hallie ;)

Alison said...

beautiful pictures, beautiful post...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...take care my friend.

tj said...

...(*giggle*snort*)..."Monkey Butt" cute is that?! :oD

...Oh this is so easy-peasy! You see Angel Deb you don't even need make-up! See how easy that was? Case closed. ;o)

...And I must admit I'm a lil' concerned about these life altering decisions you mentioned. I hope all is going well with you but I know you have the best support system in that Angel Family of yours and with your faith and spirit you will rise above whatever it is...

...Love the photos!

...Blessings... :o)

Ness said...

Deb, your posts always, always set me on a higher place so I can look down and deal with life. I am so happy you have a forever man in your life to be at your side and partner together over the angels you've been blessed with. I, too, worry over what situation you mentioned but know that your family of six will mesh together, support each other and in the end you will look back and not be amazed so much as to the resolution but as to the synergy that came together from your family to make the journey. You're in my prayers and always in my heart. Hugs and much love.

jojo said...

There are so many things I want to say but then again I am at a loss for words.
What I see when I look at those pictures is love. After all these years I see you two drawn to each other in pure love. The same pure love you have for your angels. I have an idea of what you are about to embark on...if I am right I can only send you the best of wishes and many blessings. I know you will do what ever is best. I am so blessed to have you share your life with you ;)

kari and kijsa said...

Beuatiful post- pictures, writing, even the comments!! May God bless your prayers and decisions.

Have a blessed day,
kari & kijsa

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Your comment today was so very special to me. You know I value your friendship and hope that you always are in my life.

And the comment you made about my heart made me cry but in a good way.

I accept those words with a sense of pride because they came form a beutiful woman with a heart bigger than anyother I've ever encountered.


Ragamuffin Gal said...

This was an inspiring post with a beautiful message and pictures. Thanks for sharing your heart so authenically with us.

I am praying blessing of peace, wisdom, and joy over you right now.

Karen Deborah said...

wow, real life, and raw beauty.

Jenn-n-n said...


I echo everyone else in saying, you are a beautiful lady, inside and out.

After reading this post today I am vowing to stop being on the other side of the camera. I may not be happy with my outer self right now, but I sure do like my inner self and I shouldn't deny my kids the memories that photos can evoke.

I want you to know that I am sending positive thoughts your way. May you find the strength and wisdom that you need to make the right decision. I will say a prayer for you and your family.


JeannieTheDreamer said...

Oh, you are so blessed. How nice it is that your life, and love, between you and your husband, is captured in these photographs. by your own.


Irene Latham said...

Thinking of you during this tough decision time. I know you will let your heart be your guide in whatever it is. Weren't you the one who posed the "what does love look like" question once upon a time? I'm thinking it's these pics. xxoo

Meili said...

How funny - my husband calls me Monkey Butt, and I have no idea where it came from! But it's a sign of affection, so I enjoy it.

May God be with you and your family at this time.

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