Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Welcome Home

I find that as life takes on a faster pace, I have an almost desperate need to slow things down. As someone who used to be a "doer"(raising four daughters will do that to you), I have learned to become a more constant observer and it seems to serve me well. I like catching moments as they happen. I enjoy recording things by camera or using words to express and evoke emotion. I feel that in some ways, I am finally beginning to come into my own. You see, when I was young, as early as eleven years old, writing was something that felt very natural to me. I found that it was a very therapeutic way for me to calm myself as I dealt with some very tumultuous situations in life. Writing allowed me to place things into perspective. It allowed me to compartmentilize my world into things that were good and things that were not so good. It allowed me to connect with a part of myself that understood a little more, a part that was wiser and more maternal. It helped me to withstand a difficult childhood.

Looking back now, I see that for a time, this gift, my coping mechanism, was taken away from me. Professors in college became overly critical of my use of "descriptive language". My father decided that I should become an attorney and that creative writing was a huge waste of my time. I lost something that was important to me. I lost something that meant expression. I lost my absolute love for the written word.
But somehow, my love for writing never really disappeared. It just lay doramnt, right beneath the surface of my life, waiting. Waiting for the right time. Waiting for me to return. And like this loyal dog who waited patiently for his master to return to the edge of the water, my words waited for me. Slowly I find them buried just beneath the surface, and slowly they return to me like an old friend whose been with me all along.

I began to read more and then more and then more. I participated in a wonderful writing workshop taught by an inspiring and gifted writer named Peggy Payne. Peggy encouraged me with her love of the written word, her adventurous spirit and her giving nature. She made me realize that to some people, words are like air and without them, we fail to thrive.

And as I became more of an observer, the words and images flowed back to me. I no longer waited for them to return without understanding that I was, indeed, waiting. I opened my soul back up to the power of the written word. I began this blog...

and the words poured out.

So I wonder when I think about the people I know, the friends I have, the Angel daughters I am raising. What have you left behind? And how will you open yourself up into coming home to it once again.

May you close your eyes and search your soul for the things you left behind. May you believe that you are worthy enough to bring those things back into your life.

I have been dealing with a computer crash since this past weekend so please bear with me if I am a bit out of touch. I am sharing this computer with my Angel daughters who for some reason, think that it's important to do homework.


rivergardenstudio said...

I am so glad to be able to read your words, and I can read your love of writing in every post. I love words also, but your story reminds me of myself. How art was my world, but not considered a worthy major. But somehow, after I was married I went back to school and ended up with my art credentials. Some things are meant to happen. Blogging has helped me too, for me also the words pour out, in my own way, and the art bursts out! (this week though, illness in the family has prevented me from creating...)
Thanks for your story, your beautiful descriptions and your blog. Roxanne

Tracy said...

Your post was thought provoking for me since I am on that search for what makes my soul full. What makes me feel accomplished and expressed. I used to have many creative outlets-I have somehow become stifled. I feel it under the surface brewing but not able to make it out or maybe I have lost it forever-I hope not.
Thanks for reminding me through your words that there is still hope to find the new version of the old Tracy.

Peggy Payne said...

Debbie, You sound wonderful--as if things with you are how they're supposed to be, however they are in the outside world.

I love your generous wish for everyone to find their left-behind love.

And thanks so much for your kind words about me.

Sabi said...

I really like your blog & Love reading your blog. you have got your 4 most amazing daughters.

God bless you

Sabi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WV LeAnn said...

"What have you left behind?" Very powerful and enjoyed reading this so much. I am going to put this to great use and try to figure out what I left behind many years ago and try to make some since of things. Another great story, thank you so much. WV LeAnn

Kim said...


These words are so beautiful to me and remind me so much of myself. Although I am not a word artist, but a visual artist, our experiences are very similar. There is nothing like touching the spirit of the soul you are supposed to be. I will continue to come here and read the beautiful resonating words you share.

I also enjoyed reading your profile. I, too, am a mother of two great adult children who are my world. There has been no greater profession than being able to stay at home and raise these two who are now in grad and undergrad programs. I know of the love, joy and exhaustion you speak.

Sometimes, when we have illnesses (I have been there, as well) which do not want to let you alone, we can find that core which is so important in our healing. In your case writing.

Beautiful words, a beautiful post and a beautiful blog.

Thank You Debra.

Lorrie Veasey said...

It's so funny that this post is about what writing means to you. Whenever I visit your blog, I always feel like your writing is a gift to others.

Ness said...

One of the biggest blessings of 2008 has been crossing your path, reading your words, viewing your pictures and bringing you into my circle of friends. You have taught me to breathe, exist, wait and hope. You have brought me back to myself. Bless you, Debbie.

Blue said...

i left almost all of me behind...or rather, events from my early childhood resulted in me never really finding myself in the first place.

e e cummings once said "It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."

as i turn forty next week, i'm in the process of finally finding myself, discovering who really lies beneath the surface, and getting comfortable with her. it's been a hellacious couple months in some ways. i've gone through an almost PTSD period, then an intense confrontation with my estranged father, only to be slammed with another world-turning revelation upon getting home. But i'm adjusting and finding my way. I always love your insights Deb! You are one of the best writers in the blogosphere. Thank you!

Debra W said...


I was just thinking about you and there you are, sweet girl. I am so sorry that things have been so incredibly rough for you. I was worried about you and now I know why. I am so glad that you came by and left a comment.

Please take care of yourself. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Big hugs,

Catherine Holman said...

You should always share your writing with others. It's such a beautiful gift!


Thanx for this. There is a period of time in my life where I lost everything. I let blackness swallow me whole so that I could forget. Lately I have been remembering. I remember a lot. As darkness begins to unfold I am writing it all down. I want to share it with my family.
Until recently I didn't know what happened to me. Opening up the flood gates have been good for me.
This writing thing has been good for me.

Take good care, bx

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