Bruce Springsteen, Breakthroughs and Being Here Now

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my beloved younger brother's death.  In Judaism, we say a special prayer called the yizkor, or a memorial prayer, which marks the one year anniversary of a loved one's passing.  It is a prayer that should be said in synagogue because it is necessary to have a minyon, or a group of ten or more, in order to recite this prayer of remembrance.  Last Friday, Mark, myself and our four daughters, went to temple to recite yizkor in my brothers memory.  It was quite surreal to hear his name said out loud and to stand, in unison, with my husband and our children after my brother's name was recited.  At the same time that my family was saying yizkor for my brother, sweet Jen of Jenx67, was posting an incredibly touching tribute to my brother and I on her blog.  Jen and I were "introduced" to each other via my little brother and that is something I will never forget.  But that is a story for another day, and thank you, Jen, for being a part of that minyon without even realizing it.  Tomorrow evening, we will light something known as a yazreit candle which will burn for twenty-four hours.  It is said that the flame of the candle is used to remind us that the soul of the departed still burns brightly.  I believe this with all of my heart.

As I was contemplating the past year and thinking about my brother, I was using my computer to search through the lyrics of Springsteen songs.  I know many of them by heart, but my brother was a huge Springsteen fan and I wanted to get lost in the poetry behind the music.  I needed to feel close to my brother and somehow, Springsteen music always makes me feel like he is just hanging out with me.  So here I was, just scrolling through the words searching for something that might help in the continuation of the healing process when I decided to search for the words, "brothers and sisters" in Bruce Springsteen songs.  That is the exact moment, right in the middle of the word, "sisters", when my bracelet broke and the beads began gently cascading down onto my bed.  Several years ago, I began wearing bracelets made by a company called Energy Muse.  They are known for creating beautiful bracelets made with beads which represent various elements.  Each piece is created with a specific intention.  The beads which are used possess certain qualities which are said to be transferred to the wearer.  I have worn several of these bracelets over the years and I now feel naked without one.  I wear them as a sort of talisman and I often play with the beads when I pray.  The people who make these bracelets say that when one breaks, the wearer is having a breakthrough of some sort.  Having gone through several of these, I can attest to the fact that mine have broken at some very significant times in my life and although the company will put them back together for free, I prefer to keep them in a little box.  I then choose a different intention and attach a new one to my wrist.  The one that I was wearing for quite some time carried with it, the intention of 'protection'.  Protection, knowing that God is always with me and always available, is something I needed to feel desperately during the past year.  My bracelet helped to keep me grounded in my belief.  

I am not exactly sure why my bracelet broke at the exact moment that it did.  I only know that I truly believe that there are no accidents.  Things happen as they are meant to happen in order to let us know that we are either on the right path or that we need to take a detour along the way.  I purchased another Energy Muse bracelet that I found on sale, for my birthday back in July.  It sits, waiting, on my nightstand and I take comfort in the fact that I won't have to go naked for a few days until I go out and purchase another one.  This time, I chose one which carries a different affirmation along with it.  It contains the message, "I surrender both my past and my future; I live in the power of now."  And isn't that what living is all about?  Experiencing this moment, at this time, on this day.  Some of my dear blogging friends reminded me in my last post's comments, that I should not allow the moment of my brother's death to define the rest of my life.

Tomorrow morning, when I clasp my new bracelet onto my wrist and breathe a prayer into the Universe to live in the power of now, I will also think of my brother, my husband, my Angel Daughters, my Angel Nieces, Bruce Springsteen, JenX, and all of my other sweet blogging friends who have gotten me through this first year.  I will also think about the One who protects, but also reminds, when it is time to move forward.  I will say thank you to God for the gentle reminder that the period of mourning is now over.  And I will say thank you, dear God, for getting me to now.  

I will then take a long walk on the beach so that I can have a talk with my brother.

Amen.