Learning to Rely on Hope as a Shelter

It has been a wet and stormy week here in Southern California.  We are in the midst of what is known as "the rainy season" and  although there are many years when nary a drop falls, right now we are getting drenched.  We are experiencing a weather pattern that is typical for this time of year in a very non-typical sort of a way, meaning that this is the way that things are supposed to happen, but often times don't.

I began to think, once again, about how life often mimics nature and nature often mimics life.  I began to think about how utterly sad this past year has been for me and my family, yet during the times when the clouds momentarily broke and the sun shone through, there was joy and love and hope.  I began to think of a broken family and broken hearts and how the unexpected can hit us during times that are well...unexpected.  That just like the supposed "rainy season" which sometimes comes and sometimes doesn't, both sadness and joy can hit us at times when they are least expected.   
This past week, although outwardly rainy, has brought with it many reminders about the richness of life.  We spent the later part of last week celebrating Angel Daughter Number One's moving and multi-layered performance in a play called Expecting Isabel by Lisa Loomer.  AD1(wearing the green scarf in the above photo) played the part of Miranda, a married woman who is going through the complex maze of trying to start a family.  Like the expected rainstorms of Southern California, Miranda and her adorable husband, Nick(played by another one of my most favorite student actors, Brad), start out by forecasting what creating a baby will be like, but soon find out that the experience is nothing like what they assumed it would be.  In the character of Miranda, I saw my daughters who are growing up so fast, yet I also saw myself.  Planning the way that our lives are going to turn out and then hearing God's laughter echoing softly in our ears.  And I remembered that the only thing we can be about sure of in life, is to expect the unexpected.

Yesterday, we celebrated Angel Daughter Number Four's fifteenth birthday and I must admit that I cannot really believe that my youngest child is now fifteen years old.  How and when did that happen?  Watching her enjoying all of the attention while blowing out the sixteen candles(We always add one for good luck.), made me think about the storms that blow in and then blow out and what we are left with.  Is it the happiness that we choose to resonate with, or do we view our lives through the dark clouds of the storms?
I am trying to teach my daughters that giving up is never an option.  That we must always try to focus on the sometimes very tiny ray of hope which will someday lead us to the clearing in the storm.  If we stay focused on the negative, then it is the negative that will succeed in overshadowing our lives, but if we look for the positive, then hope will always prevail. Others may behave in ways that are irrational or even deliberately hurtful in nature, but if we choose to live our lives with loyalty, integrity and ultimately, hope, if we remember to keep our focus on what is important and right and good, then we can always be assured that there will be better times ahead.  

The photo above is of me and my oldest niece.  My beloved brother's daughter who has experienced more loss in her short ten years than a child should ever have to.  And although I have only been allowed to see her twice in the past year since my brothers death, I will never quit on her or her little sister.  I got to tell her this myself a couple of days ago.  She knows that on the other side of any storms that might arise, I will be standing there waiting for her with an always open heart.  She knows that she doesn't only have a Mom and a little sister, but that she has an Auntie, and an Uncle and four cousins who will never give up on her.  And so we continue to fight our way through the storms and the sadness.  Back to where we belong.  Back to one another.
Just a couple more photos that were taken on Sunday.  My six Angel girls.
Together as they should be.  And for now, I know that my brother is smiling above all of the sadness, above all of the clouds.  I can actually feel him.
And Angel Daughter received something that she so badly wanted for her birthday.  To be able to see her two younger cousins and to spend some time with the people who matter most in her world.
Yes, it has been a rough year and yes, there has been a lot of expected and unexpected rain, but we choose to focus on the better days.  We have gotten through most of the "firsts" which feel so disconcerting following the death of someone we love and now it is time to begin living with what is.  It isn't healthy to stand out in the rain without seeking shelter.  To do so, for a very long time, is to give up on the sun.  I cannot take this precious gift of life that I have been given and focus on living only in the sadness.  By remembering that the rainy seasons will eventually come when we expect them to, and sometimes when we do not, we can also be reminded that the skies will eventually clear.  And in the clearing there is always hope.