What Puppy Love Can Teach us

We are smitten.  There is no going back from here.  This little guy entered our hearts and we are now in very, very deep.  So deep, in fact, that this little bundle who will probably someday reach a potential weight of one hundred to one hundred and forty pounds now sleeps on our bed in between us.  Sometimes burying his soft puppy neck into mine, draping his body over my heart.  Sometimes curling up on Mark's pillow, right up against his head.  Sometimes waking up from a bad dream only to look around to make sure that we are still next to him and then going securely back to sleep.  And sometimes getting the hiccups which makes me giggle in my sleep.  Micah entered our lives less than two weeks ago, but we already know that he will be a part of our hearts forever.
We were not looking for a puppy.  We were looking for a companion dog for our older pup, Becca, and also for me but somehow, after a long search through many of the animal rescue organizations we found our way to Micah, a nine week old puppy.  Micah and his four other siblings were found locked in a shed with their poor, emaciated, starving to death, mother.  I guess that the family who owned Pantera, the mother dog, moved from California to Hawaii and decided to abandon their three dogs.  They left two chained up in the backyard, and Pantera was locked up inside of a shed without any food or water.  About a week after these sick individuals moved, they finally contacted an animal rescue organization to say that they had left their dogs behind.  As far as I am concerned, there is a special place in hell for anyone who neglects or abuses animals.  When the rescuers got to the property, they only found two dogs which they took.  A day or two later, they decided to go back to see if the third dog could be located.  As they were getting ready to leave, they heard some whimpering coming from a locked shed in the backyard.  Inside, they found Pantera, a full-blooded Rottweiler nursing five puppies.  Nobody had even bothered to mention to the rescue organization that one of the dogs on the property was pregnant, nor had they said that she was locked up inside of a shed.  Obviously, she had given birth after their departure.  The litter contained two females and three males, one of which was Micah.  The rescuers decided to separate the females and the males, placing them in different foster homes.  The puppies were weaned and luckily, Pantera, was adopted immediately.  I am sure that she was placed in a very loving home with wonderful people, as the rescue organization is extremely diligent about where they will place their animals.  

Micah and his much larger brothers were placed temporarily with a very loving couple who lived in a small apartment.  They already had one dog, so they could not keep any of the puppies, but they fell in love with Micah.  He was the smallest of the litter and was considered the runt but he was active and loving and cuddly.  His foster mom cried when Mark and Angel Daughter Number Four went to pick him up.  Thank God for big-hearted people.

Becca, our ten year old dog, has not yet adjusted to the idea that Micah is staying.  Truth be told, he drives her crazy.  It has always taken Becca a while to warm up to new situations, but hopefully, as Micah grows and matures, Becca will accept him as she reluctantly did our kittens.  Disliking them intently, at first, but allowing them into her pack after a while.
This is a difficult concept for little Micah to grasp because he has never met another dog, cat, or human that he does not love.  Angel Daughter Number Four takes him on walks and then carries him when his wobbly puppy legs get too tired.  To Micah, it's all about love.  It's all about who to cuddle up with next.  It's all about pure joy.
And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be what it is all about.  Making it through the rough times, by hanging on and believing in love?  Knowing that no matter what adversities we might face, trust is what will eventually get us through.  Trust and faith and belief in kindness.  Believing that we can survive and eventually, thrive.  Believing that love is always stronger than hate.  Believing that if we continue to demonstrate love, even when others are not being as generous, that we will ultimately find a way to better days.
Micah's story reminds me that even with rough beginnings, we can still find happy endings.  He teaches me that sometimes, by rescuing someone else, we can end up rescuing a part of ourselves.  A part which still believes in the power of love and goodness and of a big hug.  A part which understands that, in the end, kindness matters.

So, at the end of the day, what is that you still believe in?

Facing the Winds

It's a cold and windy day here in Southern California.  Especially along the coastline where there sometimes seems to be a separate weather pattern which often takes over.  So windy, in fact, that in place of the surfers who normally dominate this portion of the coast, there were wind surfers who only have the opportunity to play on this particular beach maybe three to four times a year.  Mark and I ventured down to the beach to do some seaglass hunting, but because of the way in which the wind was whipping around, we had to turn back.  As I hunker down tonight, I hope that the conditions are better tomorrow.  I have become so accustomed to my beach walks, that without them I begin to feel as if I have missed a very instrumental part of my day.  To me, it is like yoga or meditation.  A refreshing break for both body and spirit.

So now to the real reason for this evenings post.  I said that I would announce the winner of my gratitude giveaway, yesterday, but the day got away from me.  We ended up meeting with my Sister-in-law and my Angel Nieces during the day, yesterday(Yay!), and then immediately took Angel Daughter Number Three out for her seventeenth birthday dinner.  It was a wonderful day filled with family, friends and fun, but of course, it left me little time to do anything else.  

The winner of the beautiful Energy Muse bracelet is DAH, DAH, DAH, DAH:

Jenn-n-n of Marvelously Mundane Musings

Jenn is a longtime reader whom I adore!  She also has a wonderful blog of her own.  She is a very good writer and quite a funny person, so pop over and say hello if you ever get a chance!  I am sure that you will enjoy her as much as I do.

And because I wish that I could give everyone who entered a bracelet, I decided to indulge myself by choosing one more name.  Having four daughters does that to me!  So, the surprise winner of the second Energy Muse bracelet is, Drum roll, please:

Jen of jenX67

I guess that the Jens are very lucky right now!  Jen is another one of my favorite bloggers!  She is informative, witty and very kind-hearted.  Jen and I have a kind of other-worldly connection that I might just have to share with you someday.(That is, if it's okay with her.)  If you haven't already read her blog, hop on over there.  In my opinion, it is the best blog coming out of Oklahoma, these days!

So Jenn and Jen, please email me your mailing information when you get a chance and I will send your wonderful Energy Muse bracelets out to you by the end of the week.  I think you will enjoy them as much as I have.  There is a certain energy about these bracelets which makes wearing them a very positive experience.  There are instructions that will come along with them which will tell you how to make them your own.  They are truly a joy to wear.  I will be sending out two different ones, but somehow I am certain that the correct one will end up in the right person's hands.  Each one is adorned with a Chinese coin that is anywhere from one to five hundred years old.  There is something about the coin that makes me feel more connected to the past, yet also helps to ground me into today.  I promise to give away more bracelets in the future, so if you did not win this time, your chances will get better next time.  Thank you all so much for letting me know what you appreciate about yourself.  As women, we often neglect to give ourselves credit for the positive qualities which we possess.  If I can somehow encourage us to do more of that, then I will be a happier person.

Be well, my friends.

Words for a Younger Self

I miss my Angels.  I have known them for my entire life.  From the time that I was a very little girl, I knew that first and foremost, I wanted to be a Mommy.  And although I lived the first twenty-five years of my life without the physical presence of my children, I could still feel their essence and the fact that they would someday be.  I could feel that there were some beautiful souls who were waiting to come into the world who would call me Mom.  I did not really think too much about what else I had come here to do, because my initial calling was clear.  I was going to become a Mother.  

It began with Angel Daughter Number One.  She was conceived in 1986, two years after Mark and I had graduated from college and the year that the Mets won the World Series.  I remember this because my husband is a huge Mets fan and the night that they won the championship, I found out that I was pregnant.  We certainly had hit a home-run.  In 1987, AD1 came into the world after an excruciatingly long night of labor followed by a Cesarean-section.  Motherhood by fire.  We had a bit of a rough start together.  Breast-feeding was something that I was determined to do, since I felt like I had somehow failed at labor and delivery.  Silly me.  If I could go back and Mother my twenty-five year old self, I would tell her that that idea is complete rubbish.  I would tell her that it is not about how a baby enters this world, but the idea that the baby enters with love and security, that matters.  I would tell her that her determination to nourish her daughter through her own body was a very honorable thing to do.   I would tell her to be patient with herself because at twenty-five, there is still a lot of growing up to do.  I would give her a hug.

Two and a half years after Angel daughter Number One was born, Angel Daughter Number Two came into our family.  Born with a full head of dark hair, she was one of the most beautiful newborns I had ever seen.  My labor with AD2 was difficult, but gentler.  I understood more about what becoming a Mother meant.  When the doctor told me that I was going to have to have another C-section, I cried, but I allowed myself some slack.  I was learning that having a baby meant much more than an easy labor, followed by an easy recovery.  I realized after AD2's birth, that it did not matter how much my body had to endure in order to deliver my babies safely into this world, as long as the end result was a healthy, happy little being.  If I could go back and talk to my then twenty-seven year old self, I would tell her that I was very proud of how she was evolving into a Mother.  I would remind her of how much easier breast-feeding had become by baby number two because she had relaxed.  Without anyone available to properly teach me about how to be a Mother, I had taught myself by instinct and by faith.  
At age twenty-nine, I delivered Angel Daughter Number Three via a planned C-section.  After AD2 was born, my doctor was kind enough to record the reason for my failed natural deliveries which was simply because my pelvis was too small.  I was told that if I was a woman living forty years earlier who was trying to deliver a child, both my baby and I would have died during labor.  Plain and simple, I was not a failure.  My body was just different.  Angel Daughter Number Three came into this world on the first day of Spring.  It was a rainy March, but the brightness of this baby's spirit shined brightly when I held her close.  I was firmly entrenched in the job that I had always known I was meant for.  With AD3 came a certain amount of self-assured confidence that made me a better Mother.  AD3 made it simple for me to feel that way with her easy smile and deep belly-laughs.  I was a practiced mother with several years of good experience to draw from.  With AD3 came assurance and poise.  If I were to have a conversation with my twenty-nine year old self, I would tell her to relax more.  I would tell her that she is doing a fine job and that she should always honor her instincts when it comes to her children.  Too many people are apt to offer up unwanted or unwarranted advice, but not enough support.  As the mother of three, you already know what to do.  Walk through your days with the knowledge that you have done a wonderful job so far.
Angel Daughter Number Four showed up less than two years later.  I say "showed up" because she was a bit of a surprise.  We knew we wanted one more child, we were just not exactly sure about the timing.  AD4 made that decision for us.  She knows this and we joke about it.  She was the most welcome of surprises.  She joined our family in her own time and we are so grateful that she did.  She was also born by a planned C-section, very calmly.  She quietly made her entrance and then stared me right in the eyes as if to say, "I have been waiting patiently for this day."  The theme song from the Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, played quietly on the radio in the background.  Somebody was kind enough to bring this to our attention and I am so happy that they did.  When they swept my littlest Angel away from me to weigh her, clean her, etc., I thought about my three other Angels who were waiting at home.  I thought about my four little girls.  I knew we were finished having children, but I could not quite put the idea to rest.  It took us another couple of years to finalize the decision.  So what would I tell my thirty-one year old self if I could talk to her now?  I would tell her to be happy with her family of six.  I would tell her that she was doing what she was called to do by raising her daughters full-time.  I would let her know that her girls would turn out to be amazing women...Just as she had.  Five women(and one adorable, loving man) going through different stages of life, separately, but together.

So what would I tell my younger self, now that I finally have the time to put a complete thought together, once again.  Now that my youngest Angel is fifteen years old and my oldest is almost twenty-two?  What would I say knowing that I am quickly approaching a time when all four of my Angel Daughters will no longer reside with me under the same roof?  I would tell her to remember that even before her children were here, she could feel the essence of them.  I would tell her that  she knew that they would be joining her from a very spiritual place and that she would someday have to relinquish having them all to herself into a world where feeling their essences would have to suffice at times.  I would tell her that she should be secure in knowing that she has done her job well.

As my daughters grow up, year after year, I miss them.  I sometimes long to hear their voices, while stroking their hair.  But I know that the stronger and more independent that they become, the stronger and more independent that I will have to become.  And just as they invent themselves, so will I have to reinvent myself.  For life should not cease to transform just because we have accomplished one of our callings.

I would hope that my older self would tell my forty-six year old self that there will be many more acts to this play.  I would hope that she would tell me that I have so much more to accomplish, other callings to explore, many more births to attend to.  I would hope that she would look me in the eyes, while draping a cozy blanket softly around my shoulders.  That she would kiss me gently on the cheek and say, "I am so proud of the woman you will become."

*Just a reminder that you can still enter my gratitude giveaway.  Just go back to my previous post for instructions!

**Yesterday's giveaway is now closed.  Thanks so much for entering!  I will announce the winner by Saturday, March 21!

Rescuing Seagulls

There was a time when I considered seagulls to be a bit of a nuisance.  Before my days on the beach, my occasional contact with them would be while trying to feed my Angel daughters a picnic lunch outside in the open air.  My girls were small in those days, and the unrelenting flocks of scavengers would swoop in and try to steal my children's food.  This did not bode well with a protective mother, so I viewed the large birds as impolite, at best.  Beautiful to look at, but a force to be reckoned with at mealtime outdoors.

When I began my weekly ritual of walking the beaches in search of seaglass, peace and solitude, last year, my very one-sided opinion of the seagulls slowly began to evolve into more of a friendship.  Yes, they like to swoop down and steal the snacks of unsuspecting beachgoers, and yes, they are kleptoparasites, but there is so much more to these majestic birds.  They are smart and graceful and their eyes are quite soulful.  Sometimes, as I am walking along absorbed within my own thoughts, I will sense that I am being followed.  When I turn around, I often find a little web-footed creature waddling along behind me.  It is another reminder that I am never truly alone!

So , as I have become more comfortable and familiar with these lovely winged creatures, I have also developed a sense of kinship with them.  And unfortunately, at times, I will come across a sick or wounded seagull which tugs at my heart just as finding any other being in distress would.  Mark, Angel Daughter Number Two and I rescued our first seagull several months ago by calling every animal rescue sanctuary that we could find and then realizing that the only way to get the bird to help was to bring it ourselves.  We were told that by covering the seagull with a towel, it would become docile and could then be lifted easily.  With our first rescue, there were three of us and the seagull.  With my second rescue, I was, of course, completely alone.  With a nearly dead cellphone.  At five o'clock.  When everyone who works in an animal rescue organization goes home.  With everyone else who was on the beach, stopping to take a brief look(and I mean very brief) at the floundering bird who could not fly.  And leaving me standing there going, "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?"  Darn.  
I ran back to my car to retrieve a beach towel.  Then I used the last dribble of my cell phones battery power to call Mark.  I begged him to tell me what to do.  He promised he would make some calls.  I told him I was going to pick the bird up and then my phone went dead.  On the way back to my car, with my seagull secured safely underneath the towel, I found a very kind man who allowed me to use his phone to call Mark back.  But Mark didn't answer because he did not recognize the phone number.  When I was in my car, driving away with the seagull on the seat next to me, the nice gentleman whose phone I had just borrowed came running across the parking lot to let me know that Mark was on the phone.  Mark told me where to take the seagull and I thanked the man and drove off.

After a long drive to the animal shelter which was closed and a stop at a Vet's office to beg for assistance, I was told that I would have to keep the bird overnight because the wildlife rescue was closed for the night.  Darn again!
I drove home after two hours of driving around with the seagull in my car, and placed a bathmat into our tub.  I placed the bird on the mat, left him wrapped in the towel to stay warm and closed the shower doors.  
Periodically, I went back in to check on him and he seemed to be resting comfortably.  I resigned myself to the idea that I would be spending the night monitoring a seagull.  Luckily, Mark was able to get in touch with an animal control officer who was on call.  He told Mark that if I could drop the seagull off at his home, he would take care of it for the night and then bring it to the wildlife rescue organization in the morning.  I was very relieved!
I scooped Speckle(that is what I named him) up out of the tub and decided that we needed a photo to remember each other by.  Here we are saying goodbye to one another before getting back into the car.  

When the animal control officer looked at him, he told me that he was probably suffering from malnutrition which is extremely common around this time of year.  He showed me how to check for malnutrition and then told me that he would feed the seagull and then bring him in in the morning.  He said that the bird would be treated with antibiotics, fed and nursed back to strength and then released back into the wild.  Thank God for kind-hearted people like him!
It is amazing to me how incredibly trusting this seagull became after he understood that I was not out to eat him.  He sat quietly for the two hours in my car and allowed me to handle him without biting.  I know it sounds funny, but this bird and I developed a connection.  A spiritual understanding in which we communicated to one another that we were going to trust each other for the time being.
When I walk along the shoreline now, I sometimes wonder if one of the flock members that I encounter is one of the birds that Mark and I have rescued from certain death.  I view seagulls in a very different light now.  To me, they are no longer just scavenger birds looking for a free handout.(Although I am a realist and I understand that eating equals survival.)  They are companions along the journey, sometimes just doing what birds do and sometimes, offering up a test for the both of us.  Will I stop to do what is right and humane and just, or will I barely look up leaving the wounded, frightened animal to fend for itself?

When I think about this experience, I must give myself credit for bravery and action.  It is easy to walk away from a situation that we think we are ill-equipped to handle before we even try to reason things through.  Sometimes, I am braver about things than I have the right to be, however this is a quality that I have inherited from my Father.  To be there for others.  To act first and reason later.  To be the one not to walk away.

I announced that I will be giving away an Energy Muse Bracelet this week in my last post.  In order to enter this gratitude giveaway, all you need to do is to tell me about a positive quality which you possess.  Give yourself credit.  What do you appreciate about yourself?

I will randomly choose the winner of this lovely bracelet on Thursday evening(PST) and all entries will be accepted up until 5 pm on Thursday, March 19, 2009.

*Entries for this giveaway are closed.  Thank you so much for entering and best of luck!  You are all wonderful!  I WILL ANNOUNCE THE WINNER BY SATURDAY, MARCH 21.

May the luck of the Irish be with you!

The Gifts of Angels

I was reading a post by the incredibly gifted Irene today and it reminded me about something that I have wanted to share for the past couple of weeks.  Irene(a gifted poet and writer) received a little gift from one of her blogging friends and was extremely touched by the kindness.  She wrote about the loving thoughtfulness of bloggers and how it has impacted her life.  I must concur.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a little package in the mail.  The return address was from one of my favorite all-time blogging friends, Blue.  Many of you may know and recognize her.  She suspended writing on her blog for the past several months, but she has consistently stayed in touch which I am very, very happy about.  She is one of those individuals who always seems to have the kindest of words to share.  Her comments always concluded with a little heart symbol that always made me smile.  Blue is someone who is worth knowing.  She is kind-hearted, inspirational, beautiful and a wonderful writer and photographer.  *If she ever decides to start writing on her blog again, I will let you know.  

When I opened the package that Blue sent me, I found the little gold box pictured above.  Slowly, I untied the ribbon which was so lovingly placed, took off the lid.  My breath caught at the sight of the precious heart stone which was gently packed inside.  If you look at it closely, you will see that there is still bits of sand within the crevices of the heart.  I was so moved by the thought that Blue found this beautiful rock for me.
And then I removed the top layer of cotton to discover what was packed beneath.  Seaglass and seashells.  Recently, Blue went to Hawaii to visit with her sister and while walking on the beach, not only did she care enough to remember that I adore seaglass, but she spent the time to collect some for me.  I cannot tell you how this makes me feel.  It is indescribable.  
On the bottom of the box was a little hand-written note which I didn't discover until later on.  Another gift, discovered and cherished.  I was so moved by Blue's kindness.
I have carried the little gold box with me, back and forth to the beach.  Meticulously going through each small piece of beach ephemera, holding them in my hands and carefully placing them back into the box until the next time.  A special gift from a friend who I have never met personally, yet one of the most thoughtful presents that I have ever received in my life.  How does that happen?  We connect with someone who we have never met face to face, yet the connection is very heartfelt and true.

You all do that to me with your words, your comments, and your emails.  Each one is like a little box that I get to unwrap whenever I want or need to.  Thank you, Blue.  Thank you to my very special readers. 
Now I must introduce you to the latest little angel in our family.  This is two month old Micah.  We adopted him on Tuesday from a wonderful rescue organization.  It has taken us several months to find the right angel for our family because we take animal adoption very seriously.  There are way too many unwanted and unloved pets out there who are waiting for their forever homes.  The numbers are staggering.  They are in the millions.
This is our little starfish on the beach.  If you haven't heard that story, I promise to share it with you in a few days.  His story began very heartbreakingly, but because of some incredibly caring individuals with enormous hearts, it will not end that way.
As I ready myself for sleep, Micah is resting happily between Mark and I on our bed.  Becca, our sweet ten year old pup is sleeping sweetly on her bed to my other side.  My two youngest Angel Daughters are tucked safely in their beds.  My strongest prayers are with each one of my oldest Angel Daughters, as they navigate the world on adult-child terms.  Life is such a gift.  

I will be posting the information about the Energy Muse bracelet gratitude giveaway on Sunday.  I chose and ordered the special bracelet today and it is beautiful.  I know that it will end up on the wrist of the person who needs it the most, right now.  Life is like that.

Must snuggle with Micah and sleep now...

*Okay, so I just went to link my blog with Blue's blog and SHE'S BACK!!!!  Can I just say how happy I am.  Please pay her a visit.  You will meet one of the nicest bloggers on the web.  Blue, you snuck back in on me, silly rabbit!  I am so happy that you have returned!

Because of Who, Are You?

I am sitting here today feeling all fibromyalgia-ey and lupus-y, lovely red butterfly rash covering my cheeks, deep ache throbbing inside of my bones.  It is honestly not a wonderful way to have to live, but it is how I must live.  And although the pain is great and the fatigue can be overwhelming, I am a happy person most of the time.  I accept my illness as a part of my life's journey and although it hurts like heck, I remain positive.  My heart is full, my spirit is light and I am extremely grateful to be alive.  There is a constant balance in my life.  A dichotomy of feelings and emotions that are sometimes difficult to sort out.  Yet sort, I must.

This afternoon, I was reading the blog of the amazing and beautiful Stephanie Nielson, airplane crash survivor.  For the past eight months or so, I have been reading her blog and her life has touched mine in a way that I cannot even describe.  I began reading her blog just a few weeks before her life-altering accident, having come upon it by happenstance.  You know how one blog leads to another, leads to another and then you find something which truly speaks to you.  Someone else's words will leap off of the page at you and you think, wow, you are describing my feelings exactly!  This not only happens to me with blogs, but with emails, books and other publications, as well.  In some ways, I am a "word junkie".  I feel the need to be surrounded by the words of others and I sometimes feel inspired to share my own.   Words are my way of exploring life.  My paintbrush, my modeling clay, my camera lens.(Although I am becoming more at home with that lately, as well.)  My way of learning is to metabolize the different ways in which words can enrich our lives and make us feel.

As I was reading through Nienie's latest post, something came to mind which I felt compelled to share with her.  I told her that there is nothing harder than having to survive for just one's own sake, but surviving and thriving for those whom we love and who love us...now that is what it's all about.  That is what makes it all doable.

A couple of weeks ago, my youngest Angel Daughter and I decided to paint rocks.  Yes, paint rocks.  There is an absolute abundance of wonderfully shaped rocks along the beach near our home, and so one day as I was walking along looking down at the rocks, I decided that it might be fun to paint them.  AD4 and I sat down at the table and began our project.  We talked and giggled and created, but I was not allowed to look at what she was making.  She wanted it to be a surprise.  When we were finally finished, I was presented with the two lovely rocks which are pictured above.  On them, among the gold scroll-work that AD4 so carefully created by hand, were the words, "Because of you, I am."  

For the past couple of weeks since I was given this perfect gift, I have run these words through my mind hundreds of times.  Because of you, I am.  I have pondered them, repeated them to myself and even meditated on them while holding the rocks in my hands.  Because of you, I am.  I did not delve too deeply into what might have spurred my daughter into writing these words.  I wanted to develop my own meaning behind their inherent wisdom.  Yet, it floors me to think that out of the heart of a fifteen year old girl, came these very prophetic words.  Because of you, I am.

I have been thinking about all that I have gotten back from keeping this blog.  All of the kindness, all of the sweet words and all of the wonderful friendships I have made.  And just like collecting rocks on the beach and then putting them out there for my Angel Daughter to paint, my posts have been like that.  Ideas, thoughts, and stories which I have collected and put out there for you to paint with your own ideas, thoughts and stories.  A beautiful give and take of words.  Words which I put out for you to add your own meanings, thoughts and interpretations to.  Words which you return to me.  Because of you, I am.

So, as I sit here feeling physically drained, my spirit feels lifted boundlessly off of the ground.  Because of God, I am.  Because of my husband, I am.  Because of my Angel Daughters, I am.  Because of my parents, my brother and my nieces, I am.  Because of my dog, my cats and my birds, I am.  And because of you, I am.  As each has an affect on the other.  Each word, each kindness, each contribution.

So tell me.  Who comes to your mind when you think of Angel Daughter Number Four's words, because of you, I am?  Who has helped you to survive on the days when doing it for yourself seems just a little too hard?  Because of who, are you?

Because you are all so wonderful, I have decided to give away an Energy Muse bracelet.  Like I have said before, the ones that I have worn have brought me peace and transformation.  I will write more about the giveaway in my next post.