Because of Who, Are You?

I am sitting here today feeling all fibromyalgia-ey and lupus-y, lovely red butterfly rash covering my cheeks, deep ache throbbing inside of my bones.  It is honestly not a wonderful way to have to live, but it is how I must live.  And although the pain is great and the fatigue can be overwhelming, I am a happy person most of the time.  I accept my illness as a part of my life's journey and although it hurts like heck, I remain positive.  My heart is full, my spirit is light and I am extremely grateful to be alive.  There is a constant balance in my life.  A dichotomy of feelings and emotions that are sometimes difficult to sort out.  Yet sort, I must.

This afternoon, I was reading the blog of the amazing and beautiful Stephanie Nielson, airplane crash survivor.  For the past eight months or so, I have been reading her blog and her life has touched mine in a way that I cannot even describe.  I began reading her blog just a few weeks before her life-altering accident, having come upon it by happenstance.  You know how one blog leads to another, leads to another and then you find something which truly speaks to you.  Someone else's words will leap off of the page at you and you think, wow, you are describing my feelings exactly!  This not only happens to me with blogs, but with emails, books and other publications, as well.  In some ways, I am a "word junkie".  I feel the need to be surrounded by the words of others and I sometimes feel inspired to share my own.   Words are my way of exploring life.  My paintbrush, my modeling clay, my camera lens.(Although I am becoming more at home with that lately, as well.)  My way of learning is to metabolize the different ways in which words can enrich our lives and make us feel.

As I was reading through Nienie's latest post, something came to mind which I felt compelled to share with her.  I told her that there is nothing harder than having to survive for just one's own sake, but surviving and thriving for those whom we love and who love us...now that is what it's all about.  That is what makes it all doable.

A couple of weeks ago, my youngest Angel Daughter and I decided to paint rocks.  Yes, paint rocks.  There is an absolute abundance of wonderfully shaped rocks along the beach near our home, and so one day as I was walking along looking down at the rocks, I decided that it might be fun to paint them.  AD4 and I sat down at the table and began our project.  We talked and giggled and created, but I was not allowed to look at what she was making.  She wanted it to be a surprise.  When we were finally finished, I was presented with the two lovely rocks which are pictured above.  On them, among the gold scroll-work that AD4 so carefully created by hand, were the words, "Because of you, I am."  

For the past couple of weeks since I was given this perfect gift, I have run these words through my mind hundreds of times.  Because of you, I am.  I have pondered them, repeated them to myself and even meditated on them while holding the rocks in my hands.  Because of you, I am.  I did not delve too deeply into what might have spurred my daughter into writing these words.  I wanted to develop my own meaning behind their inherent wisdom.  Yet, it floors me to think that out of the heart of a fifteen year old girl, came these very prophetic words.  Because of you, I am.

I have been thinking about all that I have gotten back from keeping this blog.  All of the kindness, all of the sweet words and all of the wonderful friendships I have made.  And just like collecting rocks on the beach and then putting them out there for my Angel Daughter to paint, my posts have been like that.  Ideas, thoughts, and stories which I have collected and put out there for you to paint with your own ideas, thoughts and stories.  A beautiful give and take of words.  Words which I put out for you to add your own meanings, thoughts and interpretations to.  Words which you return to me.  Because of you, I am.

So, as I sit here feeling physically drained, my spirit feels lifted boundlessly off of the ground.  Because of God, I am.  Because of my husband, I am.  Because of my Angel Daughters, I am.  Because of my parents, my brother and my nieces, I am.  Because of my dog, my cats and my birds, I am.  And because of you, I am.  As each has an affect on the other.  Each word, each kindness, each contribution.

So tell me.  Who comes to your mind when you think of Angel Daughter Number Four's words, because of you, I am?  Who has helped you to survive on the days when doing it for yourself seems just a little too hard?  Because of who, are you?

Because you are all so wonderful, I have decided to give away an Energy Muse bracelet.  Like I have said before, the ones that I have worn have brought me peace and transformation.  I will write more about the giveaway in my next post.