Sunday, February 7, 2010

Moment to Moment

Yesterday, I stumbled outside after a pretty rough night of sleep to walk my precious pup Becca.  One of the many amazing things about living on a bluff is being able to witness an entirely different scene from moment to moment.  Sometimes, the sky is a cerulean blue and the ocean is as clear as glass.  Other times you can watch as a storm dramatically rolls in off of the Pacific.  Angry grey clouds and white-capped waves threaten the shoreline.  Yesterday, I observed as there was a momentary break in the storms that we have been experiencing.  A momentary lapse in my focus on the pain.  As I squinted against the sun, I knew that I needed to take some pictures of the moment.  For trying to describe the changes is something that is sometimes difficult for me to do in words.  I needed to capture the moment.
The coming week will bring with it both radiant sunshine and difficult storms.  On Tuesday, my littlest angel daughter will be turning sweet sixteen!  My memories of her tiny newborn body sleeping nestled closely against my breast, come racing back to me as if the moment occurred only yesterday.  And yet, so much has happened over the course of sixteen years.  So many other moments, some forgotten, some remembered, that I cannot even begin to imagine what the next sixteen years will bring.  For most of this week, my focus will remain right there.  Celebrating the life of my beautiful daughter.

With this week, will also come my deposition.  This is not typical protocol in a grandparent/aunt visitation case.  What can I possibly offer her attorney that might strengthen whatever his case might be?

"Mrs. FourAngelsMomma, what gives you the right to continue loving on these two little girls who have already lost their daddy?"

"Umm, eleven previous years of happy, loving "moments", with the hope of a lifetime of many, many more?"

What else could I possibly want out of a relationship with my angel nieces?  And yet, the joy of so many moments celebrated must now come with explanation.

But there is more sunshine in my life than storm clouds, more blindingly happy moments than sad ones.  And so, here are some pictures to explain when my words might not do.  From year to year, day to day, moment to moment, the only thing that I have truly been promised is now.  Right now.  The singularity of this moment and everything that comes along with it.  For me, there is so much comfort in that.


miruspeg said...

Hello dear Deb
I read labels that sum up this post beautifully....pain, rain, and sunshine.
These 3 things are often together along with love, gratitude and sorrow.
I so enjoyed reading your moment to moment post along with those beautiful photos.

I will be sending all my light and love your way in the hope of a successful court decision so you can have a lifetime of happy, loving moments with your two lovely neices.

Take care and big hugs
Peggy xxxx

Ness said...

The pictures are breathtaking and gave me my smile for the day.

Your brother is pulling for you from Above on the deposition. God will give you the words. After all, when you think of the angel nieces and all the love you have for them, the words will tumble out. It will give your brother a sense of peace to know that you are in their lives still as you were when he was alive. I will keep this a subject of prayers. Love you.

jojo said...

Ness said it best!

Thinking of you. Happy Birthday Angel girl...16 whoo-hoo.

Laura Hegfield said...

Dear Debbie,
It's always this way...mixed blessings...pain and joy side by the shifting tides below the ever changing sky. I've had my own stuff going on this week and am only now catching up with my blogging friends. I do hope all went well at the deposition. Sending much love to you.

Happy birthday angel daughter number 4!


rivergardenstudio said...

Your winter is a stormy and passionate one... I love seeing the clouds and oceans from your perch on the bluffs, and I hope everything works out with your nieces ... good luck and winter blessings to you. roxanne

Kathleen Botsford said...

You and your family including your angel nieces are in my prayers. xoxo Kathy

jen said...

I was deposed about a year ago in a custody case for a close friend (plaintiff). The defendant's attorneys deposed me. My years in public relations taught me something very important: nothing is more brilliant, more stunning than the truth. To get to the truth, we have to find that quiet place in ourselves where it resides. We have to throw off all of things we think people want to hear or answers we think are appropriate and answer in the most unconventional way of all: most truthfully. This will carry you, I know, where you want to go.

Like the Olympic luger who tragically died and all the Olympians now standing on his shoulders to realize HIS Olympic dream, you are standing on your brother's shoulders. May God's love flow through you as you continue this journey.

Mickey (Michel) Johnson said... prayers are with you. it seems life must offer us both the sweet and the bitter. perhaps we would not know how sweet it is without the bitter to bring our senses into focus. take care my oldest turns 16 on the 23rd...time does not stand still...xo, mickey

chandelier magic - beach house said...

Hi Debra -

After reading your blog for a while now, I know you will be able to communicate your heartfelt feelings precisely.

Thank you for reminding me this is the moment that counts - and to make it the best it can be.

Gotta go - the taxman is yelling my name.

By the way - I was taken with this sky too -


Cheryl (365 Days of Gratitude-Joy) said...

Dearest Debra,
Once again you have uplifted and inspired me with your reflections and insights on life...and your harvesting of the pearls that each experience brings. This is precicely what I needed to become aware of more deeply...and for that I am most grateful.

My heart smiles when I see the love and joy of your family...THAT is what it's all about, the oasis of love and acceptance that's a part of your DNA... each one of you. Abundant love blessings to you my dear friend..
shine on... Cheryl

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