Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Where We Are

Gazing out at this beautiful span of land and sea, something diverted my attention.  As I followed my line of vision moving away from the land, I noticed a lone figure rowing purposefully, yet without exact direction.  He seemed to move further and further along into the depths of his own self-induced solitude, no fear, only the innate need to be driven by the power of his own strength.  In the midst of nothing but ocean, air and breath, this individual seemed unburdened by the the unknowns of what might lurk beneath, around or above.  His buoyancy was only temporarily jostled by the rolling movement of the waves, coaxing his board to propel slowly, while he gently allowed himself to be carried forward.    His only intention seemed to be in exploring what is.   As he completed his journey, I watched as he began to re-approach the beach.  I eventually lost sight of this lone soul, but somehow I felt confident that he would end up reconnecting with the rest of the world, in his own time, but ready to face life.

Grief is like that.  We leave the knowledge of what we once knew as safe and understood, only to be carried into the direction of a "new normal".  Sometimes, the seas are scary and we try our hardest to fight against the changing directions.  Other times, we accept our soul's need for solitude, and we honor our own need to drift away from the land, for a while.  The truth is that once we have taken the journey, our lives will never again be the same, yet our strength will move us forward if we allow it to.  We must spend some time focusing on what is, because there is nothing else.  We are not where we used to be and we are not yet where we will be.  We are where we are and life is what it is.  We must trust that there will come a time when we will feel grounded, once again, but until that time, we must trust the things we cannot see.  For me, those things are God, the deep love of my husband and daughters, old friends who are more like family, the knowledge that I am a strong woman, and the open hearts and compassionate thoughts and prayers of so many whom I have never even met in person.  Those are the things, which I cannot always see that are like a surfboard keeping me afloat when I am not sure what is below or around or above.  Those are the things which keep me strong, as I am carried along this uncertain pathway from shore to shore.

May life be as gentle as possible, as you make your way through this ever-changing world.  


Ness said...

Oh my sweet, sweet Deb!

Between the beautiful pictures and your heartfelt words, this so describes my cancer journey. Every new beginning's just another new beginning's end. Embrace the moment. Embrace the now. Make it work for you. As you go on your new journey without your brother, may you know that my heart beats with yours and I am a phone call away. Thank you for allowing your words to flow on this blog. My soul needed to hear this tonight. You are a treasure. Bless you.

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

I love the label "learning to float", isn't that the truth. I think that in different stages of life we have to learn and relearn how to keep our heads above water. You are an amazing woman. My heart aches for you because I know that you are still in a lot of pain. You will get to that new place where you have the new you...or the different you, but you have your anchors until then. You remain in my prayers. Much much love to you friend!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

HUGS and perfect post!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

In my heart and mind all the time. It makes me feel GOOD to keep you in my prayers - you do that to me. You bring such joy to my heart even during sad times.

Love the pics and your words.

Talked to Kim-D for the first time last night and ended up talking about you. We couldnt say enough good things!

Hope you have an amazing day. Keep smiling.

All my best.

tj said...

...Amen Debra.


...Blessings my friend... :o)

Jill S. said...


Alison said...

Hi Deb...first is a big hug for you (((( )))) are so right...the bumps and twists and turns we take/endure in our journey change us, mold us...but don't stop us.

Much love and peace to you my friend.

kim-d said...

Oh Deb~you just never cease to amaze me. It's like you can look into my heart and express all of the things that I don't have the words for. I feel so blessed to have "found" you; {{gentle, loving hugs for a treasured friend}}!

Grammie Hoffman in WA said...

Deb Dub,

Thanks for stopping by!

You have such a poignant way of expressing yourself!

May the wind always fill your sail and may your boat float in a positive direction...
(sounds like an Irish-Chinese fortune cookie!)

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

Love to you, dear BFF.

xoxox {HUGS}


Young Creations said...

Yes, it is Temple Beth El. Oh my....what a small world. We are temple memebers. We had our Bnai Mitzvah there in January. Are you members there or have you been to a ceremony there?
I love that you recognize the beauty of our temple.

Irene Latham said...

Hi Deb - this post comes at a good time for me as my mother-in-law's funeral is tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. xxoo

Kari & Kijsa said...

Have a wonderful Easter Sunday!

kari & kijsa

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Thought about your family a lot yesterday. Hoped that you were able to enjoy a beautiful weekend.

Hallie :)

Alice said...

What a beautiful post. I hope that as you continue this journey you know that you, too, will one day feel grounded again. And I can tell you from my own journey through grief that when I went to the darkest part, I finally found the light.

Though this is your journey to make on your own, I hope you know that you never walk alone.

Continuing to hold you up in prayer.

Angel... said...

I love that photo's amazing..nice post as usual..

see you soon


Angel... said...

I love that photo's amazing..nice post as usual..

see you soon


Irene Latham said...

Thank you Deb for visiting during these past days - I can't tell you how much your support means to me and my family. Tough stuff, as you know. And yes, we must talk about Eat Pray Love! Figures we'd like the same books... xxoo

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