Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Tether Me

When one life ends, it is often difficult to reconnect with the life force which tethers us to the here and now. This is why it is so crucial to participate in activities that remind us of the human spirit's ability to continue. Children are amazingly good at this. I have witnessed all four of my angels' connections to the energy and joy which allow our spirits to prevail, even after the most tragic of events.

Since I am having trouble with words right now, I decided to share some photos. The first one is of my angel daughter number 3 running in a track meet. This was her first meet ever, and she ran like the wind finishing fifth out of about twenty runners. Her spirit is leading her towards new accomplishments. My husband and I were so incredibly proud of her!

The other photos are of angel daughter number four. I asked her to show me some of her dance moves, and this is what she sprang forth and shared with me. I think of dance as a song that is sung by the body. No one can ever tell me that joy does not reside within the heart, ready to pounce out loud at the perfect moment.

My other two angels also shared their absolute connections to the life force this past weekend, although I do not have photos to share of those moments. Angel daughter number one performed in a play called The Vagina Monologues. Her performance brought a packed house from hysterical laughter, to silence and tears in five minutes flat. I have never seen her perform in this type of genre before, and it was her absolute best to date. She acted from a place which was both real and unreal, both realized and unrealized. Mark and I were moved by the depth of her performance.

Angel daughter number two spent the weekend at a cheer competition that was very far from our home. She flew with her team to get there. She called us, filled with excitement, as her team took second place out of seven. We were so happy for her, but more importantly, we were happy because she was happy. It is like that when you love someone, isn't it?

So, as we move slowly, ever so slowly, back into the rhythm of life, our senses raw with emotion, we are reminded that the life force which resides within the souls of our children, also lives within our own souls. This is the reason that as devastating as death and the situations that can arise with it, might try to pull us down into the depths of sadness, our soul's connection to life eventually saves us from drowning in the darkness of that sorrow.

There is so much to be learned during a single lifetime. Although I feel as if everything I have ever known before has been somehow recolored by the sadness of my brother's death, I will continue to look toward my children for clues as to how to focus on moving forward. I will search for new ways to move back in the direction of what tethers us to life.

May you always feel drawn by the life force which resides within you.


Dayna said...

I so feel for you. I know how hard this is. Last year, when we lost Jerry, I'd see my kids living and it made me so happy and so sad at the same time. I wanted to draw towards life, but it was so painful.

Hang in there my friend.

peach said...

I agree completely with what you and dayna have said...two years ago in 3 months time we lost 5 members of our family it was so devistating and I had the hardest time figuring out how to make it day to day. Now 2 years later it is easier most days but, it still has times when all i can do is watch the kids and pray for some of their resiliance. I am amazed with the pictures of your daughter dancing! What beauty and poise and ability. you have every right to be so proud of all four of your angels.
hugs and prayers continue for you and yours!

Loving Her Beautiful said...

Hello, Debra,
Thank you so much for your comment on my blog,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother! I'm glad to see that you are surrounded by the love and successes of your husband and 4 angels. You blog post was beautiful, touching, and gently encouraging. I apologize for my delay in responding: on the very day you emailed me, my father passed away. Not entirely unexpected, but of course, it's been a difficult week. Thanks for sharing your soul and your wisdom with the rest of us. And you're right, it definitely applies to my project, I Never Got to Thank You. If you have any letters to share, I would love to read them. And please feel free to pass my link on to anyone you'd like.
Blessings and comfort to you and your family,

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Read this through and you know what stuck out? The fact that you said "everything I have ever known before has been somehow RECOLORED by the sadness of my brother's death." You did not say that everything had been rendered COLORLESS by his death. I think that shows that you are doing just fine. That you still embrace life and accept it as different but yet the same. That your heart is still hopeful and that you know joy will be yours again.

Recolored is a positive description of change. You may have only know the color it was before your brothers death, but you will learn to accept the new color it is after.

I really admire your strength.


Ness said...

Baby steps. You are doing such a great job of reconnecting with life. I thought the photos and post about your daughters' activities was spot on. The circle of life. I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Steel Magnolias but when the main character's daughter dies, I thought her character was the epitome of the circle of life as although it is heartbreaking and raw to lose someone, life goes on with those who are left and to involve yourself in those lives is giving peace to those who have died because when I personalize it, I don't want people to be sad beyond the immediate when I die. I want them to think of me and carry on. Hugs to you, Deb. You are one in a million.

Angel... said...

I am so sorry for your loss deb, I feel like taking you in my arms and holding you close. I know you are hurting. I will pray for your strength to get through it.

You have friends here that cares for you.

If you need any help let us know.


Alison said...

Big Hugs to you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers....

Alison said...

Big Hugs to you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers....

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...


Coming in for a big hug...glad to hear your are taking steps towards life...and through the world of our amazing children, life will go on for sure. They need us and we really need them. They are amazing and wonderful inspiration!

Blessings and hugs,

Irene Latham said...

Hi Deb - I love these pics. The track one reminds me of Chariots of Fire -- remember the expression on Eric Little's face when he would run? Pure joy. And I so agree with you about dance. The human body is the most amazing instrument, and I am always moved when I see people expressing themselves that way. Also, I would have loved to see your daughter in The Vagina Monologues! I saw it one year in Chicago -- you gotta be good to pull off one of those parts! Yes, life goes on. Be patient with yourself... you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. My heart is with you. xxoo

Grammie Hoffman in WA said...

Deb Dub,
Your girls are amazing, what an awesome role model they have! I had to work full time while raising my kids to support our material CA lifestyle...big mistake! How silly all that seems now! I envy your tether, may it always stay strong.

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

I miss you tons but I know that you are regrouping. It makes me happy to see that you are being honest about your struggle but still posting. What a wonderful testimony. You have been hurt, but you know you must continue searching for joy. You will find it again...I promise. It is so hard to be left behind, especially when it is sudden and you see not just your pain, but the pain of those around you. I just think about the kind of light you bring to this world and I can only assume that your heart and your joy will somehow bring peace to others. I don't know why this is your season to suffer, but I am confident that you will make it through the refining fire. Stand strong in your faith and remember, there are so many of us cheering for you.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You tske your time getting your act together. I am patiently waiting for you here in freezing cold Maine for when you are back on the talkative wagon. :)

I actually think you have done exceptionally well and should give yourself a break.

I do MISS your daily blog entry but will happily wait til your ready. In the meantime, I think about you often and hope you are finding peace in all that you do.


Alison said...

I have something for you!! Come over and see!!!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...



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