Sunday, April 13, 2008

Leaning on Acceptance. Leaning on Faith.

Life is unpredictable.  With the ebbs and flows of our days, we can either become swept up in the force of the waves or we can gently allow ourselves to be guided, understanding that acceptance is also a form of freedom.  

Exactly two months ago, today, my husband and I were standing in the icy cold sterility of an ER examining room.  As my husband spoke quietly with my sister-in-law, I stood stroking the hair of my deceased younger brother.  Disbelief mixed with utter sadness and confusion coursed through my veins.  Acceptance came slamming, head first, into my life and I was forced to acquiesce to the fact that I would now be living the rest of my life without my brother.  It was a horrible day.  Not only was I loosing someone whom I thought would always be in my life, but my husband lost his brother-in-law, my daughters lost their beloved uncle, my parents lost their son, my nieces lost their daddy, and my sister-in-law lost her husband.  So much loss, so much pain.

As I have explained here before, my extended family chose to remain securely fastened within the grips of anger, blame and hatred.  I will not honor their psychosis with a detailed explanation of the more than thirty year history that remained cemented inside of their minds.  I will only go on to say that my little family of six had no other choice but to separate from the very destructive energy which my extended family chose to remain stuck in.  Thinking that tragedy tends to bring people closer is sadly a fantasy when it comes to people who have caused division for most of their lives.  Luckily, my husband, our angels and I, also have my father and my step-mother to round out our lives.  They have been loving, supportive and attentive throughout this entire ordeal.  

I began writing this with the attitude that it would be uplifting, but the mind wanders where the mind wanders.  I am still muddling my way through all of the changes in which my brother's death affected my life.  But, here is where I was originally headed when I began writing this.  Mark and I have always held onto the dream of owning a home on the Pacific Ocean.  It was one of those "some day" or "when the kids are grown" types of dreams.  Someday came a lot sooner when we experienced the untimely passing of my brother.  Mark and I looked at each other and wondered, what are we waiting for?  Ocean front property is limited and the prices will only go up.  Life is unpredictable, and so Mark began searching for a beach home which would help to heal our spirits.  Somehow, things lined up exactly and he found this little charmer.  When he brought me to look at it, I could feel my spirits lifting just a little bit.  Something about it felt right.  Something about it felt like we had been "guided" to this spot.

And so, the process began.  At first, we didn't allow ourselves to become too emotionally vested in the place, because my intuition told me that the owners really didn't want to let go of this property.  Slowly, things began to fall into place, and we opened our hearts up to the possibility that this home would soon be ours.  There is more to this story which I will share with you later, but for now, I will just tell you that the couple who will be passing the keys along to us have been through their own shares of ebbs and flows.  They are grateful that they will be passing this magical place along to a family who will love it as much as they have.  We will not be living here full-time, as it is a bit small for our family, but it is only about twenty minutes from our home so we will be spending lots and lots of time here.

Here it is.  A spot in which I feel that much of our healing will begin to take place.
This is the front view of our magical beach home.  That is my dear husband who you see taking measurements.
This is our master bedroom.  The previous owners were in the process of moving out, so that is why there is furniture and boxes still in the room.
Our master bathroom.  Not exactly the colors I would choose, but now that I look at them, I am thinking that I could really do a lovely Zen motif in here.
Another view of the master bath.
Yes, this is our "frontyard".  Our home rests on a bluff which is about one hundred feet above the sand.  
I had to take a photo of the "SOLD" sign in order for it to sink in!  It was kind of like pinching myself.
Another photo which is off of our master bedroom patio.  Heaven on earth.
Angel daughter number three is sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter.
A view of the living room and kitchen sitting area.  The complete wall is open to the ocean.
The homeowners recently redid the kitchen.  It is very cute and cozy.

When the heart is broken, it can take a drastic leap of faith in order for it to begin the healing process.  Although this process began several weeks ago, it is going to take a very long time to overcome the hurt and betrayal which was created by my family.  This little home helped to heal a very dear woman of cancer.  Knowing this fills me with the faith and the acceptance that will bring my family back to a place of wholeness.


Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

Deb, this is an AMAZING place! What wonderful, treasured times you will have there as a family. And only 20 minutes from your home? That will make vacations seem endless and effortless. I am so, SO, happy for you.

Bless your husband for moving ahead with these plans at this time when you need a place of healing! What a dear heart he is! He won't regret it, having a place like this when your children are still growing up will bring lasting memories of wonderful family times.

You are so lucky to have a place that looks so great already! Just a few touches of your own and it will feel like home right away! I love how open it is, and THAT VIEW! That is SOMETHING!

I hope your girls don't mind sharing their room when I arrive, I'm heading over... DROOLING over that property!


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I am so happy that this house "found" you. I believe it did and for all the right reasons.

I know you and your wonderful family will build many memories in the years to come and that this house will become a home in no time.

Hallie :)

Catherine Holman said...

How wonderful! I pray this house brings healing and blessings to you an your family.

Anonymous said...

I have never written before but I must say how sorry i am to have read about your brothers passing! Good luck to all of you in your new paradise!


Laura ~Peach~ said...

WOW what a BEAUTIFUL place! I so wish my husband would come to the realization...and do things he wants to and enjoy them now....but alas not yet...I am sooo very happy for you and your family and can't wait to see all the amazing wonderful beautiful pictures you will be able to take from your new home! Congratulations to you~

Coffee Bean said...

Congratulations Deb! It absolutely amazing. Oh my! I will be waiting to see what these views inspire you to write and how you will relate it to your life and those around you. The possibilities! The morning glow, the sunrises, the fog, the storms and the haze. I know you will be bringing us all good things!

God has blessed!

tj said...

...Hello Debra, thank you so much for your sweet comments over at my blog - I honestly feel that you have been sent to me much like that absolutely stunning home has made its way to you! What a perfect home for a most perfect family!

...There isn't a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind. I hurt knowing that you are hurting, I can feel the pain altho' the loss is not mine. Your dear brother left this life knowing the love of a dear sweet sister...

...Wonderful post Debra and as always so beautifully written...

...Thank you for a glimpse into your beautiful new home! Blessings to you, your family and your home... :o)

Anonymous said...

Deb! you are just incredible. your writing here just had my eyes filled with tears yet my heart full of hope for your healing. what a beautiful attitude you have. that first paragraph of this post sums it all up. perfectly written.
I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. i cannot even begin to imagine your pain. sending you warm thoughts and prayers.

that house is beyond amazing! wow! just WOW!

Alice said...

A beautiful place for you to find healing. I was once told that God breaks our hearts so He can open them and pour in the blessings.

I'm hoping that your broken heart is open and ready to recieve the light.

Beautiful post. Continued prayers for all of you.

Coffee Bean said...

Dear Debra,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement on my blog. You always bless me with your insight. I am so grateful to have met you through this blogging thing and thank God for you.

Shari said...

Wow. Marvelous place. Too bad I didn't see it first. Just kidding. Can't afford a beach house, even a lake house at that. And I grew up in a lake house year-round.

It's really nice and I love, love the lighting in the bathroom. The how place has an airy, open feel to it. Thank you for sharing.

Ness said...

Deb, this place is phenomenal! I'm so glad you and your husband "went for it." Life has taught us that tomorrow is promised to no one. I like the thought that the new place also holds the vibes and soul of another cancer warrior gaining victory over the beast. I felt so peaceful looking out on the front of your home with the ocean below. You are such a special friend, Deb, and I know that the combo of your wonderful husband, your angels and this beautiful haven of an ocean front home will ease the pain that you are feeling now with the loss of your brother and the extended family upheaval. I think your brother "directed" you to this new home for he knew the comfort and serenity this home would offer in dealing with your loss of him.

I hope some day to be able to see in person your new Haven of Hope and Home. Hugs to you and yours, dear Deb.

Alison said...

Deb...what gorgeous and perfect home...I am so happy and excited for you. I am positive your heart and soul will have many healing and beautiful moments in the house. You are very blessed woman with your lovely daughters and wonderful are a very special lady and I am so glad good and happy times are coming your way.
Your friend,

Irene Latham said...

Deb, yes there is no time like the present. Don't put off those dreams! We have been feeling that a lot around here too. I am so happy you have found a peaceful retreat. You deserve it! And I love the way you pay attention to the signs the universe is sending you. (Note to self: spend more time in the quiet just LISTENING.) xxoo

Grammie Hoffman in WA said...

Deb dub,
OH MY!!! What a PERFECT place for angels!! The fauna is magical, the view divine and the cottage is a definite healing place. Can you feel the "fung-shwae"(sp?)? All's that's missing is a buddha on the patio!
The beach is so familar to me, I swear, I've ridden my horse along it, ah, maybe in a dream!
Thanks so much for your wonderful comments. Take care sweet family!

Dayna said...

It's beautiful and I suspect I know exactly where this is! I can not even begin to imagine having a place so beautiful to rest my head!

So glad you grabbed the bull by the horns and made some!

Grammie Hoffman in WA said...

Deb Dub,
Silly old Grammie! Of course I meant flora, not fauna!! I have animals on the brain...

kim-d said...

Deb!!! I don't even have words to tell you how lovely your new healing house is!!! I just could not be happier for you, and I couldn't agree with you more. In fact, before I read your post (but I admit I had already looked at the pix), I posted a quote that I ran across that you will find interesting, I think--as it pertains EXACTLY to what you're saying here. Coincidence? I think not :). I have been thinking of you so much, but am just now finally getting back to a regular commenting schedule. As always, I read your words, felt the healing wonder of your words wash over me, marveled at your lovely place...and now I'm ready for bed. I could not be happier for you, Mark and your Angels. This place was meant to be yours.

Gentle hugs to you, Deb...

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Dear friend,
I have missed you tons. I have a lot of catching up to do but I am so happy that I read this post. I know that your new "hope house" will bring you healing and joy. I know you are still hurting and will for a while, but you are blessed to know what hope is, what joy is, and what a family is. You are a dear dear person and I believe that you are an inspiration to so many people. I know that I feel peace inside of me whenever I read your posts, I can't imagine how people who get to talk to you face to face must feel. Continue to grow and heal and remember that even in your lows, you still shine so much love.

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