Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Moment in Time. A Moment to Keep. A Moment to Dwell on.

I wasn't raised in a family that encouraged the power of positive thinking.  My dad can look past the bigger picture towards what is ultimately going to be fine, but my mother is another story.  Everything is "nag, nag, nag".  "I want what I want when I want it, which happens to be RIGHT NOW."  I suppose this is a small part, a very small part, a tinsy-winsy, itty-bitty little part of why they ended up divorcing.  And as I have explained to my dad over the course of the past several years, when he was ready to really hear it, he was able to divorce himself from my mother and marry someone who is a much better fit.  I, on the other hand, happened to remain irreversibly stuck with the hand that life dealt me.  My recently deceased brother chose a different journey in which he decided to remain estranged from our father, but I know that he had to live with his own demons because of the choice that he made.  They both did.  I couldn't, can't, won't do that with my mother unless I am left with no other choice.  And so far, I feel fairly comfortable with the choices that I have made when it comes to relationships.  I would much rather suffer some discomfort in a relationship, than make an irreversible choice by shutting someone out of my life permanently, whom I view as difficult.  To me, that would be missing the lesson, and Lord help me if I am forced to repeat some of these lessons again, in another place or at another time.  I would much rather complete the course now.

This past week brought with it a couple more "slams", and so, while taking the time to recover my bearings, I decided to take some time to dwell in the positive.  For as much as life tends to slam us, there is always, yes always, something good which can be unearthed.  For me those "somethings" are first and foremost, my husband and our Angel Daughters.  After that comes our dog, our kitties and yes, even our birds.  These are the things that remain steadfast and loyal in my life.

I was clicking through some pictures and came upon these which were taken a bit over a week ago.  Angel Daughter Number Three(my sixteen year old) was really itching to go on a mother/daughter adventure with me, and so we got into the car and began driving.  Having four makes it sometimes difficult to just steal away with only one angel at a time, so that made our outting even more special.  As we drove along, without any particular destination in mind, we turned the radio up loud and sang along to 70's and 80's songs that we both knew.  The more I allowed myself to relax and sing, the more we giggled.  By the time we arrived at our surprise destination, I felt almost like a teenager myself.  Looking at my daughter and how much she was enjoying our trip to "nowhere" allowed me to remember what it felt like to be sixteen, and for a little while, I was sixteen again, just hanging out with a friend!  How fun it was to go back in time with my own child!  We even sat in the parking lot until the song we were listening to was over.  When I turned the car off, I said to AD3, "Now you see what Mom might have been like at your age!  I was fun, too."  AD3 turned to me, smiling, and said, "Mom, you are always fun when you want to be."  A moment in time.  A moment to keep.  A moment to dwell on.

We decided to stop for an impromptu dinner at this interesting little place called The Gypsy Den.  We tasted one another's food and chatted freely about life, friends, and stuff.  The waitress noticed that I was taking pictures and asked if we would like her to take one of us together.  I am very glad that we said yes.  A moment in time.  A moment to keep.  A moment to dwell on.
There were some very interesting places to take pictures and so I convinced AD3, who doesn't usually enjoy having her picture taken, to "model" for me.  We also went shopping and I bought her and my other three angels, some fun stuff.  How joyous it was to think of nothing but food, fun and shopping for a few hours!
We both noticed these colorful, ornate bottles which were on a shelf in the restaurant that we ate at.  It struck me that objects which might look pretty, but quite ordinary alone, really created a beautiful display when grouped together.  It made me realize that each one of my angels, alone, is quite lovely and unique but as a group of four strong sisters, they are a dynamo.  A force to be reckoned with.  Special alone, but stronger when placed in the beautiful light of one another.  Reflecting off of each other in ways which only sisters can do.  I am the singleton, but they, they are sisters.  

And so, as a new week begins, I am choosing to dwell in the positive.  Yes, this has been an incredibly rough year, and yes, it continues to be one in ways that I once could not even fathom, but I am strong.  I have a choice and for now I would rather think about beautiful days with my angels and not funerals, lost nieces, hospital rooms where my father's health is being constantly challenged, and a "clinically depressed" mother who is clinging too tightly.  I am fighting to dwell in the positive, a place that has always felt much more at home to me than the alternative.

May the coming week bring you moments to keep and moments to dwell on.  May you share your own stories of "dwelling in the positive" with those who need to be reminded that there are always two sides to every coin.  We all need to be reminded.  I know that I do.


jojo said...

Thanks for the reminder. Some times I get so wrapped up in the clutter of my life that I forget to stop and look around at all the wonderous gifts I have been given. Have a great week, and thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us. You truly do inspire many, many ways.
Take care,


Ness said...

I have a story to tell you prompted by your picture of the colored bottles. It must have been a 60's thing, but it seems when I was little, every house we went to had a pretty tall bottle with colored water in it used for decoration. I venture to say the bottles were old wine decanter or liquor bottles. I would see them all over the various houses, but ours was in the bathroom. It was a deep emerald green. Making that colored water and pouring it into the bottle was probably the closest my mother ever got to doing crafty things. Yes, she dabbled in embroidery and even made me a couple of jumpers but she felt she never had any real crafting talent.

I haven't thought about that in a long time.

As I mentioned in my blog last week, sometimes when things go wrong and we can't do anything about it, we just have to let go of it and just be. You've taught me that skill, Debbie, and it has served me well the past couple of weeks.

May you have a beautiful and blessed week with Mark and the angels of your life. Love and many hugs, Ness.

Dayna said...

A timely lesson. It's so hard to remember to dwell in the positive... Whenever I look at our life, I know, without a doubt that it's not what I planned, and it's not everything I wished for, of course, I wanted good health for my children.

That being said, it is not a bad life, and it could be SO much worse - I choose to dwell on what is, instead of what is not.

Thank you for the reminder my dear friend.

rivergardenstudio said...

I love the story of your day out with your daughter...she is lovely! Your photograph of the bottles is also beautiful, you should take more. Have a wonderful week and thank you for your very insightful and kind comments on my blog! Roxanne

Blue said...

Hi Deb,
I don't know how much of my blog you've read, but there was much in this post that touched on things I'm preoccupied with right now (well, for the past couple years actually). I'm estranged from my parents, as are most of my siblings, too. Some of us kids talk to each other, but most of us are kind of sequestered in our own worlds for the most part.

I've wrestled with the situation for so long, wondering which direction to move in. Two years ago when I cut off contact, I needed to retreat in order to get my bearings, but haven't known if I should re-enter the realm of familial relationships yet...and if so, at what level. It's hard to know what to do in our situation, and it's been on my mind a lot lately.

Thanks for giving me some things to think about. I still don't have answers, but maybe the new questions will lead to some. ♥

Bogart in P Towne said...

Remember that "happiness" is from the outside in...but joy is from the inside out.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Found your blog through Jenx67-and I can see why she likes you so much. Sometimes when i read a blog post I think "dang, that's two minutes of my life I'll never get back again" but after reading yours I feel like I'm a teeny weany bit the better for it. You sound like a lovely person and your angel daughter really looks like one.

Debra W said...


Thank you so much for stopping by! I truly appreciate your kind words. It always makes me happy to hear it when someone gets something out of what they read here. I feel the same way you do about using time to read blogs which are not what I was hoping they would be. I want to be entertained, amused, possibly learn something, and look at lovely photos or art work. I popped over to your site for just a moment tonight, and I will definitely be returning tomorrow! I can't wait to read more about you! I am originally from NY, so we have that in common too!

Thanks again for stopping by and saying hello! Next time I will have some tea and cookies waiting when you arrive. Wouldn't that be fun if we could actually do that?


Irene Latham said...

My dear, you are a poet. Love the bottle metaphor! Love the bottles too -- my windowsills are filled with 'em. Thanks for this post and for checking on me. It is a crazy emotional rollercoaster... today is a good day. xxoo

Coffee Bean said...

Beautiful Deb! Your perspective is always thought provoking... and calming to me. I am praying for you as you navigate your rocky road and rejoicing with you that you are able to find those precious moments of joy in the middle of it. You really are gifted at inspiring.

JenX67 said...

Everywhere I've gone this week, I've thought about those colored bottles and how I could get that look from thrift store and garage sale finds. Thank you for the comment and link. I hope you didn't feel obligated. I'm planning some promotions for my 50 blogger project, so let me know if my PR is working. It should increase your hits. (In a perfect world!) Ha!

Angel... said...

Deb, this is very touching should be a writer. I enjoyed reading it.

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