Monday, September 8, 2008

My Angel Girls and A Request to Pay it Forward(For Honeydo)

Even when things cannot always be the way we wish for them to be, they can somehow be enough for right now.  Knowing that my Angel Daughters and my Angel Nieces have each other in their lives, once again, is enough for me right now.  I can breathe a bit more deeply knowing that, for this moment, my girls and my brother's girls have each other.  Mark and I have our nieces.  Here are my Angels as they should be.
This little one is quite a spitfire.  Her single goal in life seems to be to make everyone laugh.   Her skin is like porcelain and somehow, even at the age of five, her hair still holds onto that baby smell which is so irresistible.  Angel Daughter Number Three could not stop hugging her.
My youngest, and my brother's oldest sat together chatting throughout our dinner.  They are the closest in age, as far as the cousins go, and they really enjoy each other's company.
In this little girl, I feel so much of my brother's spirit.  She is wise beyond her nine years.  Once I got my arms around her, I did not want to let her go.  She loved her Daddy so much.  He wasn't only her Father, he was also her best friend.  He once told me that no matter how silly or ridiculous his jokes were(and there were some pretty lame ones), he could always count on a belly laugh from her.  I pray that somehow, her laughter will continue.

And now a word about "paying it forward".  In my previous post, Out of the Mouths of Babes or How to Make Amends, I received a painfully honest comment and request from someone who identified themselves as "Honeydo".  This individual commented once before on one of my posts called, I See Charlotte, under the name of "anonymous".   I would be grateful if you would go back to the comment section of these posts to read what this individual wrote and then leave any advice or opinions that you might be willing to offer here in the comment section.  I have the most wonderful readers and blogging friends who have supported me in ways that I cannot even begin to express.  If we could do the same for Honeydo, I think it would be something that this kind, gentle soul would truly appreciate.  Sometimes being brave is the first step towards healing.  I think it took some courage for Honeydo to ask for the help of complete strangers.  If you have a moment, please lend your words of insight, wisdom and support.(Thanks Blue for the heads-up!  I corrected the link.)

May you always find a place that feels safe when you need a place to turn.  May you find comfort and inspiration in the words of others.  May you be gently guided into making the best decisions for yourself.  Your life is ultimately your own... And you are worth it.


Blue said...

Deb, I can't seem to find the comment on Hallelujah from Honeydo. Just thought I'd let you know.

Debra W said...


Thanks so much for pointing that out! I corrected the link, so you should be able to find the comment now.

You are the best!


Blue said...

Hi Honeydo,
I can relate in some measure to a bit of your struggle. In my case, I finally had to take a "break" from my parents and one sibling. It got too painful for me to function in my own life with my own responsibilities while trying to keep up the charade we'd been playing all our lives. So it's been a couple years since I had contact with them. I feel peaceful about this, and have been able to heal a lot of the broken pieces in myself. I feel that if I am meant to reconnect with them in the future, I'll know. I'm open to that if it's the right course of action. But for now, it feels peaceful to move on without them in my life, and I've been able to supersede the guilt of thinking I "should" just suck it up and force myself to go back to how things used to be. We each have our own paths that we must take.

One quote that has brought me much solace through my life as I've wrestled with every challenge that has come my way is by Orson F. Whitney. He said:

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God."

May you find the path that is right for you, and the courage to walk down it no matter where it leads. ♥

Irene Latham said...

I LOVE Blue's quote. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. So true. And I also love the whole pay it forward thing. What else are we here for, except to help each other on the journey? xxoo

Karen Deborah said...

I just caught up, so much happens when I'm working and don't get to read all the blogs that I like to read. Your heart and sweet spirit just spill from these posts. Such tenderness! I liked the bold pregnant lady too.

Ness said...

Hi HoneyDo...I'm Ness. My blog is First of all you're in my prayers for strength and I am sending you many, many hugs.

I had a father that played the emotional card on me. I was married to a functioning alcoholic for 17 years and had 3 kids. Finally in the last class I had to take for my BSEd degree, the instructor said, "I want to leave you with one thought...if you are not happy, find out why and do something about it." That hit me like a ton of bricks. I graduated the next week and filed for divorce the next. In six weeks I was free, took my two youngest children and moved. My dad guilt tripped me like no other good and it has had an effect on my children for to this day, they are affected by someone being able to guilt trip them. I'm saying this to tell you that it's time you moved on with your life. Make the move you want to make. Grab hold of the brass ring and live the life YOU want to live. As someone with thyroid cancer and fibromyalgia, I can tell you that every moment is a gift and we're not assured of the next one. Everything that Debbie wrote to you I just sat here and emphatically nodded my head. Your parents gave you birth...they did not get the power to take your life. I can't urge you enough to stand up for you and take back your life. I wad 39 years old before I figured it out and the last 15 years have been heaven on earth. I'm free! Sure, I'm sick and my kids are having problems, but I am free of the chains my father wrapped around my heart and brain. The only person you have to be able to live with is that one staring back at you from the mirror. Go for Life!

Catherine Holman said...

They look so happy together! What a blessing!

The Frosts said...

I've been trying to contact you about the Nie auction for the vinyl name sign. Can you please email me at If you're no longer interested, please let me know so I can go to the next highest bidder. THANKS!!!

Bogart in P Towne said...

Looks like a lot of love....

Alison said...

I am so happy for you!! words cannot describe my joy!! such gorgeous pictures!!

honeydo said...

Deb and All,

i can't fully express my gratitude for responding to my call for support. and i took the extra time and space to process all the thoughtful words and experiences most fully...

i want those of you who respnded here, and as well as those who did so from the inside, to know that i felt your intentions and prayers and hugs from afar. I REALLY DID, to my suprise. i can be quite insular about life events, and i left my comfort zone reaching out, and was richly rewarded in word AND spirit.

and the fact is so many of you were spot on--i wish so many didn't relate so easily. but the greatest comfort i have taken in life is the knowledge that as low as things can get, the highs are that much sweeter. we really feel things, what a gift!

so, what are my conclusions now?

i believe i have, in fact, exhausted all of the previous coping tools to manage any of the family situations: done therapy, got "angry" and broke away and came back around to forgiveness, helped others of like background, boundaries have been set and reset, picked the wrong partners (and friends) like them and evolved away from that pattern, and always will work daily on coping behaviors that served me well when younger but are no longer of service...

in that struggle it is (now!) clear that what i haven't focused on is LIFE, what makes me happiest and filled with room enough for others. it's funny how if you never have permission for this... you really do need it.

i have made some decisions, with do-able goals to get me to that happier place. sometimes it is hard to visualize where i belong, but knowing where i don't is half the battle. i am working on a "happiness is..." list right now, and know that focusing on such things is far more insightful than looking BACK. i will always need those useful tools in my life, but maybe less and less as time goes on.

i have had crisis times in my life, but this wasn't necessarily one of those--i've outgrown needing (to create) a crisis to make changes(yeah!) but i do believe those deeper level changes are often quieter, and building, and have a better chance for success with the support of others. this is one of the best lessons i've taken from these posts--to keep reaching FOR help as readily as i reach OUT to help others. you will be there.

my heart has been so filled these past days, and G-d has spoken very loudly, not just online through you, but in so many ways i cannot begin to share... i feel a weight lifted that i didn't even know was there.

a humble thanks for every thought and prayer--they're in my heart: the keeper quotes and advice, all of your VERY private experiences and good wishes. i honor you and your memories.

and thanks for your patience with these indulgent posts--

but most especially brightest blessings to each of you and your DREAMS!!!

Lorrie Veasey said...

Deb- so happy for these pictures. Cousin Love is so precious, and I am sure your Brother was smiling down at you all.

Honey Do-
Don't overthink it. Happiness is really very simple: You need to take the initiative and create the life you want. Change happens as a result of action. Much luck to you.

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