Saturday, September 27, 2008

Remembering Your Wings or Why I Can Relate to a Helium Balloon

I spotted these pink balloons floating heavenward, the other day, and for a moment, my soul froze mesmerized.  It was as if a small part of me somehow remembered what it was like to fly.
So much has changed for me in the past year.  I lost my only brother.  I found out that family can just be a pretty word for strangers who don't know a thing about you, but who pretend that they do.  I also found out that family, when done correctly, can absolutely save your life.  I experienced the true meaning of the word "betrayal" and then, what guilt looks like on people who do intend to cause pain.  It's not a pretty sight.  

But I also learned that death does not separate souls.  It does not mean the ending of love.  It does not cause a relationship to fracture, and in some ways, it strengthens the bond.  In watching those balloons, I felt a momentary separation between my body and my soul.  I remembered what it was like to be free of earthly pain.  I recognized my soul as a very separate part of my being and it reminded me that I could fly.  I remembered my own wings, tethered to their earthly body, yet very much alive and vibrant.  And I believed...I do believe that the strand which tethers my own soul to my body is the very same thread that keeps me connected to those whom I have loved, but who are now flying freely.
When my girls were little, I always told them that a balloon that broke free was a gift for the angels.  A gift for the angels from my Angels.  Because of this belief, they never cried when they lost hold of a helium balloon.  They would stand stoically, necks bent backwards, gazing into the sky, their little hands waving as the balloon drifted higher and higher into the heavens.  They could be strong because they knew that their balloon might be caught by a band of playful angels, or a thoughtful soul looking down, watching over the people that they loved.  They knew that just because they couldn't see their balloon, that it didn't mean that it was now gone forever.  It was just someplace else.  Someplace different.  Someplace they remembered, even if that memory was only somehow felt on a cellular level.

We all have wings.  And although the only flight that we can now experience is with our feet on the ground, it is important to remember what it is like to fly.  And to remember that those who we love, who are no longer attached to this earth, still hold us very close.  As we do them.  And the relationship continues, although it is different.  Because if we try very hard to remember, we will feel the freedom of air moving us skyward like a balloon that has broken free.  And that feeling will be incredible...Absolutely incredible.

May you find a way to feel the gentle movement of the breeze which can bring your sight skyward and try to remember what it is like to fly.  May you take a moment to focus on that strong, invisible thread that connects you, undyingly, to those you love.  Near or far.  May you recognize that the love is just as strong as it ever was.  Flight or no flight.

22 comments:

Blue said...

Deb it's so wonderful how the "smallest" things that transpire in your days result in the kind of insights you routinely gain from them. And that you have your camera at the ready to capture the moments in picture makes the insights all that much more poignant.

our souls have always existed....thus the hints at that "cellular level", and they will always exist...thus the fleeting moments of connectivity with those who have gone on before us. Even if we don't always sense them, they're there.

What a wondrous year you've had.

♥ to you,
Blue

Laura ~Peach~ said...

such a wonderful mom, no wonder your girls have turned out so well :) Love the photos and love this post (like All you write they touch me)
love n hugs Laura

jojo said...

"love, love, love, love never dies"

jojo said...

Deb,
I meant to tell you, in my last comment, that those words are from a song called "Love is Stronger than Death," by a group called the-the. The first time I heard the words I was taken to my knees...all I could think of was my sweet baby boy.
Love is stronger than death...you will always have your brothers love...
balloons touch me in much the same way ;)

Grammie Hoffman in WA said...

Dear Sweet Angel Family,
Thank you so much for this "uplifting" blog. I actually felt my heart soar a bit with those balloons!
I have been away for a long, long time since the passing of Old Pa. Can't seem to get rid of the grip of grief on my heart but the farm must go on...
hugs, Grammie

Life Is Bliss said...

Deb, I have been lurking on your blog for a little while now. There have been many times when your words have touched my heart and inspired me in some way. Thank you for that!
Jocelyn

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

For me, a brilliant blie saphire sky is what reminds me of my wings. When my brother's fiancee was murdered many years ago, CJ, then 5, was devestated.

One day, out of the clear blue, my sad little boy looked up at the brilliant blue sky and said "Look at the saphhire sky mommy? I think Shannon painted that just for me!"

For years after, CJ gained such peace from a perfectly blue sky. And somehow, that peaceful feeling stuck with me.

Hallie

Bogart in P Towne said...

I will remember the "gift for angels" line...I am sure it will come in handy when Claire and I have kids...

And yes, it is officially official.

Kathleen said...

Beautiful Deb! So uplifting and true. Your words are like poetry!

Irene Latham said...

Dear Deb - what a year you've had. I am so with you with the ups and downs and feel truly blessed to know you. Today you are my pink balloons in a blue sky. xxoo

rivergardenstudio said...

What a beautiful post, very touching to me also. Thank you for visiting my blog and your lovely comments. I am thinking about your question and am trying to put into words how to begin...how about taking an art class? Anyway, soon I will put some ideas together for you... Roxanne

RawPhotography said...

http://www1.snapfish.com/slideshow/AlbumID=13480912/PictureID=352442353/a=8607219_8607219/t_=8607219

Look at this picture. You can copy and paste it to the url bar.

Love you
Monkey Butt

Catherine Holman said...

You have the best outlook on life of anyone I've ever known. This is beautiful!
Hugs,
Cathie

JenX67 said...

Those pictures are so neat. Like pink cotton candy in that blue, blue sky.

Your writing can be so comforting, and it draws me to such a quiet place where I let my bad attitude about some people fade away and remember that, well, I actually do love them. I'm going to use that story about the playful band of angels catching the balloons. My 3-year-old went into meltdown at my daughter's b-day party when two mylar balloons floated away. I nearly cried. He was so devastated.

Angel... said...

your post is very touching Deb.. thanks for sharing with us.

Lorrie Veasey said...

What beautiful pictures and what a beautiful entry--to change what could be perceived as loss into a gift for the angels.

Coffee Bean said...

Debra! I haven't been to your blog in awhile...ack! It is such an inspiring and peaceful blog to come to too... Maybe I should camp out here for awhile!

Lynn said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and photos, as always. You're truly inspiring, and I love how you always make me think.
-Lynn

kim-d said...

You have so eloquently put into words exactly what has been in my mind since my Bill's death. All of your posts touch me deeply, but this one is the MOST special. You found a way to give voice to my thoughts without even knowing it. A few days after Bill's death, I got a letter from Social Security, wrapping up his disability benefits. They numbered all of their points, which was fine until I came to the one that stated our names and the date of our marriage, and then said "marriage ended on April 26, 2001 due to death." I had a complete breakdown when I read that, because I already knew that death does NOT part you, not even slightly. My thoughts on the subject developed from there and when I read your words, I just keep nodding my head.

This may sound strange, but I hope you will know what I mean--and I think you will. These realizations, what you wrote about, are what make us able to cope with losing our loved ones. The figuring out that we are not parted from them. Know what I mean?

I could go on and on even more than I have. But I'll end now with
THANK YOU. :)

Ragamuffin Gal said...

I am loving your blog ~ reading about your angels and the balloons. You visited my blog and commented and I wish to tell you where you can get a pillow like the one you asked about. Check out my friend Jan's blog ~ Summer Sundays (you can find a link on my blog to her blog) Or visit Leola's website (also link on my blog) and tell them in the comments you are interested in one. I bet that could get you started! Blessings, Katie

Kenisha said...

This is great info to know.

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