Thursday, April 16, 2009

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

So many of us try to live up to an impossible standard which is neither realistic, nor ultimately achievable.  We spend our days striving to live up to something that is virtually impossible in so many senses of the word and in the process, many of us end up driving ourselves to the point of craziness.  As I was stopping to take in the beauty of our rose garden yesterday afternoon, I was struck by the idea that no matter how hard we try to find or achieve it, there is no such thing as perfection.  And as I sit here pondering the true meaning of the word "perfect", a certain sense of tension seeps into my muscles.  I must admit that a single word can bring on these uncomfortable sensations.  A single word, with seven little letters is able to bring on some very negative feelings in my body, and yet, I am not a perfectionist.  Or at least I don't think that I am.  Hence the title of my blog, Four Angels Momma (most days).  For you see, I am a realist.  I truly am.  Not in the "keeping it real" sense for which so many blogs are noted, but in the "I know that life is tough, but I choose to enjoy as much of it as possible" sense.   I may choose to view the world with a more positive spin, but the optimum word here is definitely "choose".   In the Four Angels Momma household, we have as many issues going on throughout any given day, as the next family does.  There are no perfect angels here, only real people living real lives while striving to evolve.  There are no roses without thorns.
I discussed this idea with my dad about a month ago, when he suddenly discovered my blog.   I knew something was up when he began referring to my daughters by number instead of name.  I played along for a while until one day, I decided to let him know that I was on to the fact that he was on to me.  He is a very smart man and there was never any reason for me to believe that he would not someday discover that his daughter(me) was writing a blog.  It was just that it didn't matter whether he or anyone else I know personally, found out that I was keeping a blog.  Mark and I sometimes refer friends and family members who live far away to my site as a way for them to check in when they want to.  Most of them do not bother but that is okay, too.  People's lives get very busy and sometimes they forget to think about those who are far away on a regular basis.  The loss is not ours.  But back to the idea of perfection and what that has to do with my father discovering my blog.
My father and I have a very open relationship when it comes to the truth, so when he found my blog, he asked me two things.  One-"Where did all of the "airy-fairy" angel stuff come from in my describing my life?" and two-"Why in the heck am I not writing?  No, really writing."  Through some nervous giggles, I tried to answer him as best I could.  I told him that I wasn't trying to be all "airy-fairy", but that I would never write anything about my family(on my blog) husband or my four daughters which would ever hurt, embarrass, or evade their privacy in a negative way.  They all know that I keep this blog and they also read it, so anything that I publish here is meant for all of us, plus my wonderful readers and friends.  My family is not perfect.  My daughters are not always angels.  They are normal, energetic, creative, transforming, active, growing, dependent, independent young women.  What I admitted to my father is that what I have written here over the past couple of years is not about perfection or trying to portray my life as perfect.  Anyone who has been reading here for a while or who has scrolled through some of my archives understands full well that I hold an honest and very raw perspective about life.  My perspective comes from the side of the glass which I choose to focus on.  The half-empty or the half-full side.  You see, I know that the glass can often be viewed as half-empty.  Much of my life has happened in an extended family which tends to focus on that very perspective.  But for some strange reason, call it genetic-defect, call it God, call it airy-fairy, I have mostly focused on the fullness of life, rather than the emptiness.  Nothing is ever perfect, but I have never, ever, ever seen a situation that could not be made better.  A rosebush that did not improve with a bit of fertilizer, sunlight and water.  An angel whose wings did not grow fuller and more beautiful with a bit of love, attention and support.
As for the second question that my dad asked me, as to why the heck I am not writing, the answer is still evolving.  Inside of the answer lies something to do with fear, insecurity and more worries about perfection.  Inside of the answer I can still hear the voices of non-supportive teachers, parents who were dealing with so many personal problems that they couldn't even see the gift that needed to be nurtured within their own daughter, and a quiet little girl who often did not feel worthy of being heard.
But as I grow, I allow my own inner-voice to speak out much more robustly.  I understand that it is not only okay to live on the positive side of life, but that I like it here and I don't want to live anywhere else.  I might not believe in perfection, but I damn well believe in goodness and transformation and striving to do more.  I believe in roses, even though I know there are thorns.  And I believe in angels even though I know there is gravity.

My dad is a tough man, but he is also an incredible cheerleader.  In so many ways, I am who I am because of him.  A realist who chooses to believe that we can all do great things.

Strive to do something great.  Not perfect, just fantastic.


Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

Amen. Always worth reading your lovely insights! You are such an inspiration. :-)

Blessings to you and big big hugs from me!!! xoxo

(sorry to be out of touch...moving and getting settled in a new state has been such a long ongoing project...., but I sure do miss my visits with you!)


jenX67 said...

I would give ANYTHING to have my father read my blog. Reading this washed so much sadness over me - for so many reasons. I never think you are spoonfeeding me airy-fairy. I've always found every post very authentic, even if it didn't include raw meat. (Sometimes, we get enough of that in our own lives.) I've always assumed you guarded those uncooked portions. I do, Debra. I can't let it all hang out. Those who do write so much they can't take back.

The roses are beautiful - and yes, you should write more. And, take more pictures. I just love them!

soulmoxie said...

I relate with everything you say here...I, like Jen, never feel that you are airy fairy either. I think everyone's voice changes and becomes more vulnerable with time. I think of all the things you believe in, you need to believe in yourself the most :)
Thanks for the great post!

Jacque said...

BEAUTIFUL! Thank You~Jacque

jojo said...

I love that you refer to you dad as a 'cheerleader." It is often the way I refer to my husband. He is my biggest support and my cheerleader always. We have truly been blessed in our lives haven't we Deb ;D

Sabi said...

Hi Debra

I agree with you in everyway people have choice. I believe in everyone's life there's one person plays a important role in your case your Dad is your model role. I really enjoy reading your thoughts

God Bless

Ness said...

I have learned so much about life through your writings, Deb. I used to think that my dad was my cheerleader but he changed when I divorced and now my husband is my best friend and cheerleader in addition to several loving friends, present company included. Keep writing, Deb. Hugs to you and your beautiful family.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Nicely said. The other day I was thinking about by mom and dad and how much I would of loved to have had them read my blog. Who better than a parent to be a cheerleader.

Take good care of yourself Deb, and thanks for the comments earlier. And I don't mind at all.

delighted heart said...

Airy Fairy you are not! Positive and honest and deep thinking and sensitive and a loving momma you are! But probably just calling your daughters Angels made him think airy fairy...I'm sure we could point him to some of those flogs for contrast! :-) How great is it that you have your father to be your cheer leader and that he is involved in your angels lives. And I'm with him...just how come you aren't really writing for real! (that last sentance is why I'm not a writer!) I've missed reading your blog as I've been busy with life but I'm trying to get back to it now. Think about the writer thing...I'm serious.

delighted heart said...

Oopps...I meant blogs not flogs! LOL I've been gone so long I can't even type tonight!

soulmoxie said...

Hey Deb,

Just wanted to thank you for all of your wonderful comments and insight - they mean so much to me!

rivergardenstudio said...

Debbie, I love hearing about your dad, and thank you for asking about him today. He is thriving, though somewhat confused... he thinks he is living in a resort! That can really make people laugh. (if you knew this area you would laugh too!)
I don't think your blog is "airy fairy" at all... sounds just like a dad. You are writing, and I believe this is a step for you to new pathways and adventures.
I love roses too but am not very good at growing them. Roxanne

Debbie said...

I often wonder if I sound too airy fairy (although I didn't know that term but I love it) on my blog. Like you, I refuse to write anything hurtful or embarrassing.
Your relationship with your dad is wonderful.

Catherine Holman said...

This was a great post! I love that your Dad has found it and is reading it. You should definitely consider writing!

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