Monday, September 19, 2011

Is it Safe to Come Out Yet?

It has been one week and one day since my Angel Daughter was forced to face the heart-clenching reality of finding out what it feels like to have loved and then lost.  This was not something that she was at all prepared for and it caused her world to come crashing down around her swiftly and intensely.  Most of us know what this feels like and it is not something that we would wish on anyone else.  Sadly, it is something that most of us must go through at least one time or another and oftentimes, even more than once.  It is especially difficult when it happens after an almost three year relationship in which almost everyday was spent together,  college classes were attended congruently, promises were made, futures were discussed, and family became family.  For the past week, I have observed as my daughter slid into the easy company of her number one defender and protector...Me.  She has always been the tentative one.  A bit different than our other three, she does not allow people in easily.  She is content with just a few close friends, and she does not like change.  She has surprisingly handled all of this a bit better than I thought she would which is good.  Very, very good.
Yet I know that she is #1-Leaning on hope.

And #2-Going through the normal stages of grief.  Which can change from one emotion to the next over the course of a single moment.

And #3-Leaning on hope.
She is tentatively popping her head out from underneath my protective wing in order to bathe, eat, go to work, go to school and to hang out with her younger sister.  I am watching her very, very closely.  I am very glad that she is talking to me about how she is feeling.  I am trying my best to help her to process through all of the emotions.  I am losing a lot of sleep over all of this because #1-I am worried about her.
And #2-She wants to be close to me when she is not doing one of the things that I listed above.
And even though I know that she will get through this in time(We all somehow, do), I wish that it could be easier on her.  I wish that she could know, really know, that most of the time first loves do not become forever loves.  I wish that she could understand that there really is more than one person in this world that she could be happy with.  I wish that, like when she was little, I could put a pretty band-aide on it and make it feel all better.
She is in the process of talking to him right now and I just know that the result will not be what she is hoping for, but it might just end up being exactly what she needs in the long run.  And at least he has been a gentleman about this.  There was no cheating involved.  He is communicating with her when she asks him to.  He thanked both Mark and I for being so supportive of him over the past three years.  And he is admitting that, yes, he does still care about and love her, but that he doesn't believe that they have common goals and that it would be much, much harder to break things off at a later time.

How do you mend a broken heart?


Mark Himes said...

With time. That's how!
Hugs going out to your daughter, now.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, so sad. Loss of love is the most gut wrenching thing. She's lucky she has you to lean on. I'm sending warm friendly thoughts to both of you.

Angella Lister said...

she knows to come home, where she will be encircled by those who love her dearly. this is a hard one, and as mark says, time alone will heal this hurt, but she will be held close under your wing, and in time she will once again soar. sending love to you.

Renee said...

With time....and with lots and lots of love and support from family and friends, which you are giving with open arms....It takes me back to a time where the boy/young man I loved broke up with me after 3 yrs..I was devastated....and now looking back on 43 yrs of marriage to the most wonderful man in the world..I am so grateful and rejoice that it happened.
It is so hard to watch our children go through having their hearts broken...sending warm thoughts your way too.

Just the 3 of Us said...

I feel your daughter's pain. I've been in her shoes and it's so hard to see past what has been lost, but I also know from experience that when one door closes another opens and nine times out of ten the new door has something even more wonderful behind it. She is so lucky to have your love and support. Hugs to both of you!

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

I remember my heartaches growing up. Such an awful time in our younger years. She is lucky to have such a wonderful family to turn to during this time. I wish her peace and harmony.

Sharon said...

My sons have been through break-ups with significant others, and it's never easy. I let them know that I was available to talk, or not, depending on what helped most. I wanted to help but had to follow their lead.

The good news: My older son is happily married to a woman and their relationship has been break-up free. My younger son has lots of friends who are women and will find the right person when the time is right.

Catherine said...

It's hard to watch our babies go through heart break. All we can do is be there for them.

Sending good thoughts!
xo Catherine

Kathleen Botsford said...

Sigh. Same thing's going on over here. What's a mother to do? Pray and listen. Can't think of anything else. (Maybe a little shopping.... Just thinking out loud!)

Miss A said...

Poor AD girl... Of course she will rise, but heartbrake is so tough. I don't know, I remember my biggest one so vividly and I wasn't 20 yet. I get it. Glad she has you.

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