Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Because We All Matter

I am sitting here seething suddenly, trying to keep the lid from exploding off of the top of the pot that has been simmering steadily inside of my mind for the past week or so.  There is a family that I have come to care deeply about who is facing something that no family should ever have to face and I have been trying to collect the words, the right words, to write about their situation.  This is a married couple who has been together for twenty-two years.  This couple met in 1990 and immediately knew that they were meant to be together.  As a bi-national couple(one from the US and one from France), they made things work by juggling what they could to keep themselves together.  They adopted four beautiful children, now ages 6 (twin boys whose eyes twinkle), 8 (a sparkly little angel girl)  and 11(a handsome, growing young man).  In so many ways, I have grown to admire this wonderful family.  They represent so much about what is right with this country.  They are cohesive, innovative, filled with love and mischief and joy.  They are a family so much like my own.(Although in their forties, they are crazy enough to still talk about adopting another child which might possibly put me over the edge!)  Yet herein lies the difference, instead of their names being Mark and Deb, their names are Mark and Fred, and although their marriage is legally recognized by the state that they were married in, it is NOT recognized as a legal marriage by the federal government, nor is it protected by something called The Defense of Marriage Act(DOMA, signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996) which would allow Fred to stay in this country only if this were a heterosexual married couple.  So, as with too many laws in this country, one law has been negated by the other creating an uphill battle where there should be none.  Mark and Fred and their children are now waiting to find out what the result of their request to stay together as a family in this country will be.  We are talking about five American citizens and their husband/father.  This is insane.  The possibility that they could be torn apart as a family is insane.  But, as I ask myself whenever I am faced with a decision to act or to not act on something that might be extremely difficult to battle, here is the question that Mark and Fred must answer right now; Is this the hill you would be willing to die on?  And as they forge ahead into the battle to keep their family together, there is only one resounding answer...Keep fighting the good fight, my strong and brave friends.
*Borrowed from Mark's Blog, Our Simple Lives:)  Aren't they Gorgeous???
You can read more about this family's battle here on Mark's blog and on CNN.  And for some touching perspectives, read here,, and here, and on the January 12th post here,  If you feel at all compelled by this story and the many others that are just like Mark and Fred's story, feel free to express your outrage to these individuals:

Senator Robert P. Casey, Jr.
393 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
P: 202-224-6324
Toll Free: 866-802-2833
Fax:  202-228-0604

Secretary Janet Napolitano
Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. 20528

This family deserves the same rights as any other family who celebrate anniversaries, are raising children(or cats or dogs or birds or llamas, etc.), who drive in carpools, pay taxes, do mounds and mounds of laundry, clean up after sick babies and honor one another through marriage in sickness and in health!

I have now contained my anger, but the lid will not be placed back on this pot.  Oh no, it won't...


Ness said...

I can't believe this! My first thought is get some powerful people together who have the media means to bring this to the attention of everyone and who could identify with their situation of being gay and being treated this way. Rosie ODonnell and Ellen DeGeneres both have the media, the money and the connections to help your friends out. Rosie has adopted all 4 of her kids and can relate although her partners have been Americans. You just don't do this to those kids who have been through enough in their young lifetimes. I will be praying for this family and make it known to my praying friends of this anonymous prayer request to keep a family from being broken up. This just makes me sick and I want to fix it NOW!

Mark said...

Momma D., you are too good to me. I just saw a message/comment emailed to me saying that she read about our story over here.
Thank you so much for doing this. I really hope you don't see any backlash from this. Others have lost Followers for speaking out.
Your post means so much to me. It's been a struggle. Mostly because Fred hasn't been allowed to work(mostly) for the past 6 years. And being a College Professor, he is the one who could make the most money. So in order to live, we sold two homes that we rebuilt and downsized. It wasn't all bad but he's a guy who loves to work and that was hard to watch him not be able to.
By spreading our story to your Readers, hopefully, the Gov't will feel the power of the people. You are not only fighting for us but for 38,000 Families like ours.
And all 38,000 of us thank you.
Take Care Friend.

Renee said...

Amazing story sent me right to their site. I had no idea about this bias law...crazy. They are in my prayers!

RottenMom said...

I think you are pretty amazing for taking the time to write this in support of Mark and Fred and their beautiful family. I found them a little while ago through Angella. You know I already love you and this just makes me love you all the more. Glad you blew the lid off the pot.

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