Madly, Wildly, Fiercely

*I just signed up for Skywatch because I have seen so many beautiful pictures from there.  I am not sure, yet, what it entails, so I will be jumping in to get my feet wet!

*Angel Daughter Number One and Angel Daughter Number Four

I have all of the strength that I need in this moment because I have been successful in love.  I know this because I can observe it in my children as they playfully hang on one another during candid but expressive moments.  I know this because I can catch them loving on each other even when they think no one else is looking.

I believe this because my absolute love for them, and for my husband, is mirrored in the love that they share with each other.

I honor this because although I know I was loved as a child, there were very few expressions of that love for me to draw from, yet I was able to grow into a woman who can love freely and without hesitation.

*Angel Daughter Number Three

And even during an "alone" moment, I am able to witness this in my own children as I watch them turn their own faces toward the sun.

This past weekend, we traveled out to Palm Springs to spend some time with my dad.  Like most of California, Palm Springs is beautiful.  It is a desert environment which means that summer arrives much earlier than it does in most places.  It was hot and dry and colorful.  After spending over three hours sitting in on a deposition, last Thursday, there was a lot on my often, overactive, mind.  I spent hours listening to someone trying her hardest to make me out to be a raving lunatic.(I could almost feel the foam forming in the corners of my mouth while a maniacal smile formed slowly across my lips.  Almost.)  And while it is very difficult not to take that kind of thing seriously, my father reminded me of something that I had almost forgotten to remember.  He told me that nothing that she said, or continues to say about me, matters at all.  Nothing.

I spent a lot of time thinking about darkness and light.  I thought about love and hate.  I contemplated the muddled line which exists exactly in between each of these different ends of the spectrum and what it is that can send us over from one side to the other.  I thought about how this little sprite of a woman is capable of facing off against a six foot tall, mean-spirited man(her attorney) and his very sad, sad client.  I thought about the strength that it took for me to sit there while listening to such deplorable nastiness, but how I did so with grace and humor.  And I realized that there is nothing that she can take from me.  There is nothing that she can attribute to me.  There is nothing that she can do to me.  I still have my brother(although there is a spiritual boundary between us now) and whether it be in a month, or in five years, I will have my precious nieces in my life again someday.

Yesterday, before we left for the long drive home, I took a walk by myself.(I brought my camera along so that I could share the beauty of the environment with you!)
As I walked along the flower-lined pathways, I felt a sense of peace...

And the overwhelming feeling of loving and being loved.

As I passed by this beautifully adorned gate, I thought about doors and going through doors and discovering what is on the other side.  I thought about how we do that each time we make some sort of a decision.  I had a discussion with God. I wanted to check in with Him to find out how I was doing.

And then I found myself standing in front of this gorgeous stairway going up.(or down, depending upon your vantage point)  I thought about how easily I could have just meandered my way right past it, but how it caught me in my steps.  I thought about pathways which look as if they could go on forever, but how each one ends up someplace.  I thought about love and pain and the suffering that each of us experiences throughout a lifetime.  None of us gets by unscathed.  But if we are lucky, and we keep our hearts open to the possibilities, the love is what will keep us strong.

Love is what gives us unfounded strength.  It allows us to venture into areas that seem almost scary at first.  It is what carries us through the tough times.  It is what sustains us through the pain.  And in the end, after everything is said and done, love is what wins.