Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Madly, Wildly, Fiercely

*I just signed up for Skywatch because I have seen so many beautiful pictures from there.  I am not sure, yet, what it entails, so I will be jumping in to get my feet wet!

*Angel Daughter Number One and Angel Daughter Number Four

I have all of the strength that I need in this moment because I have been successful in love.  I know this because I can observe it in my children as they playfully hang on one another during candid but expressive moments.  I know this because I can catch them loving on each other even when they think no one else is looking.
I believe this because my absolute love for them, and for my husband, is mirrored in the love that they share with each other.
I honor this because although I know I was loved as a child, there were very few expressions of that love for me to draw from, yet I was able to grow into a woman who can love freely and without hesitation.
*Angel Daughter Number Three

And even during an "alone" moment, I am able to witness this in my own children as I watch them turn their own faces toward the sun.
This past weekend, we traveled out to Palm Springs to spend some time with my dad.  Like most of California, Palm Springs is beautiful.  It is a desert environment which means that summer arrives much earlier than it does in most places.  It was hot and dry and colorful.  After spending over three hours sitting in on a deposition, last Thursday, there was a lot on my often, overactive, mind.  I spent hours listening to someone trying her hardest to make me out to be a raving lunatic.(I could almost feel the foam forming in the corners of my mouth while a maniacal smile formed slowly across my lips.  Almost.)  And while it is very difficult not to take that kind of thing seriously, my father reminded me of something that I had almost forgotten to remember.  He told me that nothing that she said, or continues to say about me, matters at all.  Nothing.
I spent a lot of time thinking about darkness and light.  I thought about love and hate.  I contemplated the muddled line which exists exactly in between each of these different ends of the spectrum and what it is that can send us over from one side to the other.  I thought about how this little sprite of a woman is capable of facing off against a six foot tall, mean-spirited man(her attorney) and his very sad, sad client.  I thought about the strength that it took for me to sit there while listening to such deplorable nastiness, but how I did so with grace and humor.  And I realized that there is nothing that she can take from me.  There is nothing that she can attribute to me.  There is nothing that she can do to me.  I still have my brother(although there is a spiritual boundary between us now) and whether it be in a month, or in five years, I will have my precious nieces in my life again someday.
Yesterday, before we left for the long drive home, I took a walk by myself.(I brought my camera along so that I could share the beauty of the environment with you!)
As I walked along the flower-lined pathways, I felt a sense of peace...

And the overwhelming feeling of loving and being loved.
As I passed by this beautifully adorned gate, I thought about doors and going through doors and discovering what is on the other side.  I thought about how we do that each time we make some sort of a decision.  I had a discussion with God. I wanted to check in with Him to find out how I was doing.
And then I found myself standing in front of this gorgeous stairway going up.(or down, depending upon your vantage point)  I thought about how easily I could have just meandered my way right past it, but how it caught me in my steps.  I thought about pathways which look as if they could go on forever, but how each one ends up someplace.  I thought about love and pain and the suffering that each of us experiences throughout a lifetime.  None of us gets by unscathed.  But if we are lucky, and we keep our hearts open to the possibilities, the love is what will keep us strong.

Love is what gives us unfounded strength.  It allows us to venture into areas that seem almost scary at first.  It is what carries us through the tough times.  It is what sustains us through the pain.  And in the end, after everything is said and done, love is what wins.

17 comments:

Karen Deborah said...

This is an incredible post. Your setting such an example of how to deal with an enemy or someone vicious and wounded. she may have regrets later on but you won't. I love the pictures of your beautiful girls!

Debra W said...

Thank you, Karen Deborah. Your kind words mean a lot to me.

Hugs,
Debbie

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

This post made me smile and reminds me of my daughters when they aren't busy fighting with each other. I think it's the age thing that's going on right now.
Wishing you well. Our family is going to San Fransisco very soon to play. I can't wait. I hope we have good weather.

miruspeg said...

Deb I hope you NEVER forget to remember how strong you are mentally and spiritually.
You have such a beautiful soul!
May you always have an open heart no matter what is thrown at you.

The photos are stunning, particularly your Angels. And your writing is inspiring, really really inspiring.

Tons of love and light beaming your way.

Peggy xxxx

Mumsy said...

What an absolutely beautiful and wonderful post. I enjoyed reading it so much. Your daughters are gorgeous and the flowers are so beautiful. Thank you, for sharing all this beauty. Hugs!

June said...

Debra your daughters are so beautiful and I am sure their hearts are as beautiful as their sweet faces. I can tell from the photos that there is great love between them/ My four daughters are the same way. There is never a time when we get together, that the five of us don't have the time of our lives. They love to make fun of my driving the most.
My birthday is the 23rd of June. I will think of your sweet girl on the 28th.
This post was a joy to read.
Hugs

WV LeAnn said...

Deb, you are so inspiring and I'm so glad I read your posting this morning. You touched on something I need to take care of in my life and that is to Love!!!! Forgive! and move on. My daughter and I have been struggling with one another and after reading I know that I need to stress my love for her and just try to embrace her so much while she's home for Spring Break and MAYBE that will help. God bless you and your family!

Debra said...

This is a wonderful post! I absolutely love the pics of your daughters loving on each other...that's just precious! You are very blessed.

Laura Hegfield said...

Debbie,
This is so exquisitely written because it so clearly comes directly from your heart. The photos of your beautiful daughters and their love for each other, their joy in living jumps off my screen and into my heart...you have done extremely well in raising your sweet angels...no need to ask God how you are doing...and the same in your noble and courageous quest to simply be a loving anchor in the lives of your nieces...how could there be any question of doubt in your mind/heart for one moment that you might be doing/being less than right on target?

I love how each step in the photo above is slightly different...like each step we take as individuals on this journey called life.

You are loved my dear, and yes it is love that sustains us, nurtures us, holds us, carries us...you are such an inspiration to me...step by step you will find a way to maintain that loving connection with your brother's daughters...because this is the right thing, the compassionate thing, the only reasonable way for any judge to understand and rule on this case.

chag sameach...to freedom through love.

Mickey (Michel) Johnson said...

...love rings true...you have captured it beautifully in the pictures of your angels and they have refected it beautifully in their love for one another. it has been said that one can only give love if one has received it...you have been blessed with both. hang in there my friend...mickey

Kcalpesh said...

Wonderful post! What fun! The pictures are really awesome!

Pixellicious Photos

Karen said...

What a great post !! I'm so sorry that you are going through all that and I'm praying that your case will be succesful and you will get to see them.

Your post is inspirational. Im my life I have had some horrible things hapen to me and have faced challenges. Despite all this, I have kept my heart open and been prepared to forgive and put bitterness behind me. Often it's been something that I've had to work hard at doing. But as a result, I feel that I'm a far stronger and compassionate woman. In your writings I see the same type of woman :-)

There is a quote that goes 'The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire.' Not sure who said it, but it is oh so true.

The photos of your daughters are absoloutly beautiful... as are the other shots.

Ness said...

Deb, first of all, the Angel Daughters always give me a blessing when I see their pics. They are the future and I'm pretty happy that those angels are going to be because it gives me hope for the world.

Secondly, you have a wise and wonderful Dad. And tell him I said that.

Thirdly, I know that through the mire and muck and listening to your character being assasinated that you are about to experience your pot of Angel Nieces at the end of the rainbow.

I know this because Saturday afternoon Kathy and Bobby walked into my door accompanied by my beloved Carter and Cade. I just sunk to my knees to get kisses and hugs and telling me how much they missed me. They are back with Kathy for now as their mom starts her new job, finds a house big enough for all of them and they are only but an hour away anytime we want them. Best of all, Michael got to see his boys that he took care of from the time they were infants before he deploys in May. He lit up like a Christmas tree. God is good all the time.

I want so badly to come and see your world, your ocean and your angels. We have some life changing things going on here now that I will email you about. Until then, know that my prayers are with you and your Angel Nieces are getting ready to take flight in their loving Angel Aunt's arms.

Love you.

Sunshine said...

Deb Love the flowers decoration beautiful... Missing You

Sunshine

louisebah said...

Love the stairways!! welcome to the skywatch club :)

TheChicGeek said...

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post with us, Debbie! I feel the love and happiness through your words and pictures. You have put a big smile on my face today! You are truly blessed!
I send you love and a big hug! You've inspired me to pop over to Palm Springs for a relaxing weekend...ahhhhhh, sounds sooooooooooo good!
Take Care, Lucky Girl!
xxO
Kelly

Laura Hegfield said...

I seem to have developed tendonitis or some kind of over use injury in my left wrist and hand...making typing painful for me...so I might not be blogging as much for a while... this includes commenting on your amazingly inspiring blog-and this is soooooo hard for me. (this is kind of a form message I've typed and am copying and pasting at all my favorite blog hangouts. Sorry it must seem completely random in relation to your post) I can still read your posts- I will be present to you in a quiet way-reading and viewing your words and images, and leaving a simple ☺
to let you know I have dropped by and am thinking about you.

Gentle steps,
Laura

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