L'Chaim

So last I left you, life was moving along in a much better direction.  My dad was healing from his sudden heart attack/quadruple bypass surgery and I was feeling much more hopeful about his prognosis.  Life was feeling much less chaotic but I think I needed to take some time to draw a breath from thinking.  A good long breath.  I did not fully realize it at the time but I have always known it, this blog is a place for me to contemplate and to sort out my thoughts in a very concrete way.  Putting my words down in a place that felt comfortable and safe was a way for me to decompress and yet, I felt overwhelmed by trying to make sense of things after my dad's brush with mortality.  The words felt extremely jumbled and frankly, the thoughts that came along with them were very, very, very frightening.  I did not want to be in the here and now.  I did not want to be in that moment.  I wanted to be six or eight or ten months down the line at a time when the outcome would be much clearer and so, I shut down for a while without knowing that I was going to do so.  I realized about a week or so ago, that not living in the moment was slowly beginning to wear upon my soul.  Being in the past or in the future felt like a safer place to be, temporarily, for the sake of self-preservation and sanity, but eventually, we all need to come back to where we are.  Here.  And so, I made a conscious decision to return to the moment.  I talked to my husband, Mark, about it.  Because sometimes when we say the words out loud to someone who is willing to really listen, they seem to become unclouded and more understandable to ourselves.  And with those conversations, thoughts of writing began to slowly seep back into the forefront of my mind and this blog began to whisper out to me in a very healthy way.  For a while, I was receiving emails from some of my blogging friends asking me how I was doing and when I might be writing again.  Some people even requested for me to write again.  If you were one of those lovely people, thank you so much.  My deepest gratitude is with you.  Each note brought me closer to coming back.  Each friendly reminder of you made me understand that this is not only about me.  It is also about us, coming together to make sense of the world.  Supporting one another with nothing more than words and kindness.  And to those of you who sent me silent prayers of concern, I felt those also.  I stored them inside of my heart knowing  that you, too, would be here once I returned and it helped me to find my way back.  Every kindness was a part of the compass.  So here I am.

It is only fair to begin by sharing some of what has been over the course of the past several months so that I can get to where is now.  My four Angel Daughters are all doing well as they continue to evolve and grow into the incredible young women that they are.  I cannot even tell you how very lucky I feel to be their momma.  They are kind, loving, bright, unique, compassionate, beautiful, creative, effervescent souls finding their way in the world experiencing both the bumps and the beauty of the road.

Angel Daughter Number One is twenty-five years old now.(actually closer to twenty-six!)  It is sometimes difficult for me to remember that she truly is a self-sufficient young woman, and not my child to shelter from the world.  I am learning.  She is pretty good about being Angel Daughter Number "One" and allowing me to "practice" on her.  I know that there are times when she still rolls her eyes at me but for the most part, she humors me by letting me have my say and then politely expresses her own thoughts on things.  She is doing her very best to achieve her dreams as she auditions frequently for commercials(receiving many, many callbacks!) while subsidizing her income as a tour guide at Universal Studios, working for a catering company which caters mainly to the very rich and very famous in Los Angeles, Christmas caroling throughout the holidays(Which is where we were when the photo above was taken, she was on break.), volunteering as a Big Sister to a sweet teenage girl, and taking classes to continue her theatrical education.  She recently completed some spots for MGM, Kia and Comcast.  Her goal for 2013 is to book a national television commercial.  I know that she can do it!  I will let you know when and where to watch it once she has fulfilled this goal.

Angel Daughter Number Two celebrated her twenty-third birthday in early January.  We took her to a Tappan house with some of her friends, our family, and my mother and step-father to celebrate.  January starts the "Birthday" season for our family as my three youngest daughters have birthdays in January, February, and March, consecutively.  My dad's birthday is then in April, we don't have any in May, and then AD1's birthday is in June.  It is nice because there is always someone to celebrate!  AD2 is living in Los Angeles now, trying to find work as a photographer which is a highly competitive field.  She is working on figuring out her place in the world,  and we all know that it is not always an easy place to be.  It is difficult to watch her struggle but I know that she will eventually find her way.  It is just going to take her some time.  Her work has already been featured in some top magazines and she recently completed a shoot for one of the gossip magazines with one of the "Teen Moms".  She just returned from a huge fashion industry conference in Las Vegas where she made some very good contacts.  I think her biggest issue is that she still needs guidance but is not always willing to take it.  I guess the one thing that can be said for doing it "her way" is that she will gain a lot of wisdom in the process.  She is surrounded by loving people who are more than willing to guide her, trouble is, that she can be very stubborn at times. She likes to have the ability to make her own mistakes.  So, her father, grandfather, and I support her in whatever ways that we feel comfortable doing and then, we give her the leverage to make her own mistakes so that she understands that they are her own.  She is such a delightful, charming, and talented young lady and people really take to her.  She is a Capricorn whose mascot is the goat.  Goats like to climb to the top of the mountain where the view is the very best and the air is fresh and clean.  Like goats, Capricorns like to climb to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the lofty benefits of success.  AD2 has the tenaciousness to succeed in her chosen field.  She just needs to learn from the fact that she can benefit from the mistakes that others have made before her.  If not, life is going to sting just a little bit more than it might actually have to.  It is really up to her and I will be here to catch her no matter how many bumps and bruises that she takes along the way.

We celebrated Angel Daughter Number Four's nineteenth birthday in the beginning of February.  Hard to believe that this is her last year of being a "teenager" and my last year of being the mom of a teenager!  I have been doing this for so long that I can hardly remember what it was like before we entered the years of changing/raging hormones, first loves, and the battles for independence.  I actually think that it will be quite a relief to know that all four of my girls have made it safely past the teenage years once AD4 hits twenty.  I have loved something about every stage of parenting so far, but I must admit that being the momma of four teenage daughters at once, managed to bring out a few more grey hairs than I was prepared for.  I suppose that is the price that I have paid for enjoying the joys of having a large family.  I would not change the experience for anything in the world.  Anyway, AD4 is still dancing her way into people's hearts, going to community college(for now), teaching dance classes to little ones through teens, and transforming into a beautiful young woman.

Angel Daughter Number Three will be twenty-one in March.  In some ways, I think I have seen the biggest changes in her over the course of the past year.  She is attending community college but will have completed her AA degree in the spring.  We are waiting to hear from several universities that she applied to so that she can complete her Bachelors degree in the next couple of years.  Everyday she comes home and asks whether or not anything has arrived for her in the mail so I know that she is ready.  She has worked at the same jewelry store for the past four years.  It has become like a second little family to her and she has learned so much from working there.  It took her a long time to heal after the break-up between her and her boyfriend of two and a half years, but she has evolved into a much more self-assured and confident young lady since then.  She is getting ready to choose a university and then move out of our home which for some reason, will be the most difficult one for me so far.  I am very excited for her.  AD3 does not do anything unless she is ready to do it and so, I know that the time for her to leave the nest is growing quite near.  Still, there is something very bittersweet about knowing that one of my youngest Angels will soon be spreading her wings.  However, in my heart, I know that she will soar.

Since I was last here, not only have we celebrated birthdays, but we have also celebrated births.  This gorgeous little man is Hudson.  He is the grandson of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Donna.  I have known Donna since I was twelve and her husband, Keith, since I was sixteen.  When Mark and I moved to California many moons ago, we never thought that we would get the chance to raise our children together as we had planned to do as kids.  That was until Donna and Keith decided to move their family out to Las Vegas over a decade ago!  Since then, we have made a point of it to get together as often as possible.  We have shared births and deaths.  With each passing year, our friendship becomes even more important to me.  Donna has four grandbabies now and I consider each one to be my grand-neice or grand-nephew.  Her children are my nieces and nephews and my daughters are her nieces.  Chosen family.  I am very blessed to have them.

 These were taken at Disneyland celebrating Scarlett's second birthday.  Aubri is the oldest.  She is such a bright little girl and I love her so much.  Little Scarlett is Hudson's older sister.

Scarlett adores all of my girls.  Angel Daughter Number Three says that she is not a huge fan of small children, but look at her with Scarlett.  She is absolutely smitten!

Scarlett and AD2.  Can you just see the love between them?  It makes me so happy to see my children interacting with Donna's grand babies.  We have come so far together.

Last month, Mark and I took the girls to their second Springsteen concert.  For those of you who are Springsteen fans, you might recognize Little Steven, Bruce's second hand man.  For those of you who watched the HBO series, The Sopranos, you might know him as Silvio Dante. We just know him as awesome!  We made a donation to his organization which raises money for music programs in school and in return, we received floor tickets to a couple of Springsteen concerts.  We cannot wait for them to come around again so that we can see them for the 22nd time!!!  BRUUUUUUUCE!!!!

Sorry, I lost my mind for a moment there.  While we were waiting for the concert to begin, we ran into this gorgeous hunk of a man, I mean, Rob Lowe.  He was standing right behind AD4 and I looked at her and mouthed the words, "Rob Lowe is standing right behind you!"  AD4 yelled out, "Who???"  and again I mouthed, "Rob Lowe" to which she turned around to look at him and her mouth dropped.  She then said to me, "I don't know who Rob Lowe is, but he sure is handsome!"  I must admit that he was a really nice guy.  Very down-to-earth and very friendly.  When Mark introduced him to our four daughters, he slapped him on the back and wished him good luck.

Rob's younger brother, Chad Lowe, was also at the concert.  At one point when we were chatting with them, Mark asked Chad if he was also in the acting business.  He chuckled and said yes.  We later found out that he has been the winner of a Grammy and that he is a regular on the TV series, Pretty Little Liars"!  Boy, did we feel silly.  I do not think that Chad was insulted at all because he ended up hanging out with Mark and I for most of the concert.  He was even nicer than Rob.  Rob wandered off for a major part of the show and so Chad just stuck with us.  There was nothing pretentious about him.  He told us about his newborn baby daughter and his three year girl.  We had a great time just hanging out with another serious Bruce fan.

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!!

The man is sixty-two years old and he crowd surfs!!  He crowd surfs!  Enough said...

The love of my life with the loves of our lives.

This is Angel Daughter Number One and her boyfriend, Matt.  We met him for the first time a couple of weeks ago and he definitely seems like a keeper.  They went to college together but never dated when they were there.  They reconnected recently and began dating several months ago.  He is going to be completing his internship for his PHD over the course of the next year and then he will be a doctor.  Not an MD, but a PHD which is even better because they do not have the crazy hours!  I am rooting for them.  They make a very sweet couple.  As long as my Angels are happy, I am happy:)

Becca-Lynn October 21, 1998-December 29, 2012

And finally, very sadly, I said good-bye to my beloved fourteen year old best friend, Becca, at the end of December.  She was doing well until she wasn't and she began to go downhill very quickly towards the end.  It was one of the hardest and saddest decisions that I have ever had to make, but she went very peacefully in our home, on her own bed.  We had a vet come to our house so that Becca would not have to experience the stress of being brought to the vet's office which she hated.  The vet was extremely gentle and Becca fell asleep looking into my eyes.  She was such an amazing dog and a very loyal friend and companion.  She stood by me at times when I might have withered away without her love.  I am so grateful for the time that we had together and I will miss her for the rest of my life.

These are some of the moments which have passed during my absence.  Life is always filled with moments that make us want to run away and moments that make us want to stay for awhile.  It is up to us to remain present during all of these times because they are all valuable.  They are all teaching moments, and they truly are all we have in the end.

Thank you for sticking with me and for spending the time to walk for awhile on this road along side of me.  I look forward to reconnecting with you and to catching up with the many moments that I have missed in your lives.  There is a time for everything in our lives, and for me, it is time to return to the moment.  To the now, to here, to life. L'Chaim.

Why I Love My iPhone

After uploading 672 seemingly innocuous photos from my iPhone onto my computer yesterday, and weeding through a lot of recent memories, it occurred to me that modern technology really does provide an amazing way to capture and share moments that definitely otherwise would have been lost.  You see, I like to amuse my family by transmitting pictures in real time to them over the phone.  It could be something bizarre, funny, touching, or even just a photo of a tee-shirt that I am thinking about purchasing for one of the girls.  But all of it is saved courtesy of my iPhone for a time when I am looking for something mindless to do and I decide to load it all onto my computer.  That is when I realize that I am very thankful that I did not take the time to delete anything from my phone while sitting there waiting umpteen minutes for the doctor to see me, and I read that super fantastic article about the importance of tooth flossing in a two month old magazine instead.  And while I will spare you the informative details of all that I have learned from a picked-over magazine in the doctor's office waiting room, here are some moments collected over the past couple of months courtesy of my iPhone.

Above is a picture of Angel Daughter Number Four and our wonderful dog Micah.  Regardless of what color this little angel colors her hair at any given moment, her classic beauty shines right through.  Micah is our 110 pound rescue pup who was definitely "bred" for size and strength, but by the grace of God, turned out to be nothing more than 110 pounds of slobbering love.  We are so grateful to the individuals who rescued Micah, his momma, and his two brothers and three sisters from inside of a shed where they were abandoned, emaciated, and alone.  Momma dog was nursing her babies even though she had absolutely no access to food or water for who knows how long.  The "owners" moved to Hawaii and decided to call animal control several days after they arrived there to let them know that they had abandoned some dogs on their property when they took off.  Minor afterthought.  Micah, his momma, and his brothers and sisters were almost missed because they were locked inside of a shed.  Thank God that the officers heard some whimpering from the shed before they left with two other dogs that were found on the property.  We got Micah when he was a few months old and rather small.(except for his enormous paws)  He was so pathetic at the time that we allowed him to snuggle up in bed with us for the first few weeks so that he would feel more secure.  Now he believes that he is a lap dog.  Truly.  Our vet somewhat jokingly called him a "Drug Lord's Dream" when we had him tested for breed.  He is one half Rottweiler, one quarter Doberman and one quarter Pit Bull, but really, he is all pussy-cat.  It is amazing what love can do.

Here is my buddy, Becca.  I have mentioned before how important this old girl is to me.  She is strength, guts and loyalty.  Next month, on my oldest Angel Niece's birthday, she will turn 13.  So will my niece, and God knows how much I would love to see her.  We fought hard but lost our battle for visitation in court.  One of the saddest stories of my life but in my heart, not the way that the story will end.  On October 21st, Becca and I will share some goodies in celebration of the birthdays of two very special 13 year old girls, one whose gift I will be able to give on that day and another that I will pack away for someday...

Only in Southern California can you walk out of the grocery store and find a stark white Bentley with blush pink ornaments on both hood, trunk and hub caps.(Although there must be a fancier word than"hub cap" when it comes to a Bentley.)  These cars cost anywhere from $225,000 and up!  That is a quarter of a million dollars for a car.  A CAR!

Personally, I was more impressed with the pink emblems than the car itself.  This was one of those, "send a photo to my girls in real time" moments which I am now sharing with you.  You're welcome.

*Ghost kitty!

Sorry if I scared you...Halloween is coming and I LOVE Halloween!

Kissy face with Angel Daughter Number Two.  How I love this girl...How I love them all.

This one was taken specifically for Angel Daughter Number Three.  She loves it when I send her pictures of Rex and often texts me requesting them from work.  He sometimes likes to snuggle his way underneath the pillows on Mark's side of the bed.  He thinks we can't see him.  *Refer back to photo above.

Uh-oh!

For those of you with small children(Mark) who you might or might not have trouble bringing into fancy stores like Target, I am here to tell you that it only gets worse.

Oy Vey.

But then it gets better once they hit the age of about 24 or so.  You see.  I am here to bring you hope.

Another photo moment is when I find things like this.  First, they take my breath away, and then, I take them as signs of what they so obviously are to me; hellos from my beloved, deceased brother.  I have been constantly reminded over the course of the past three years that my brother is still very much here with us.  Unbelievably supernatural signs that line up in a way that cannot be explained in any other way.  As a teenager, my brother was a huge KISS fan.  His room was decked out in posters that I happened to find somewhat creepy but KISS was a guy's band and my brother was pure guy.  This record album was one of my brother's all time favorites.  I mean, if I close my eyes, I can hear it blaring loudly from his twelve year old room his voice belting out, "I wanna rock n role all night and party everyday!",  his fist rhythmically pounding out the beat.  Around his birthday, we were in a thrift store that sold a little bit of everything.  Up against the wall in a small corner, I spotted this album sitting by itself.  I reminded myself to capture the moments as they come because sometimes, they become an ethereal mixture of reality and dream in my mind and then I begin to wonder.  Doubt.  But with something concrete to look at, I cannot doubt.  And so, a picture...

One of my favorites is this last one.  My two guys, Micah and Mark, standing out on the edge of the bluff together, our strength and our protectors.  As far as I am concerned there are not five luckier women on the earth than my four Angels and I because we have this man to call our own.  Husband and father.  Chief of our tribe, love of my life with his trusty dog by his side.

And this is why I believe that the iPhone is really a fancy camera that happens to make phone calls, as well.

Moments of Grace

5 am this morning and I feel the nudge of a cold, moist nose prodding against my hand which is dangling weightlessly off of the bed.  I am in a deep sleep but I feel myself slowly rising up from underneath my dreams as if soaring towards the surface of some deep body of water.  I open my eyes to see the face of my twelve and a half year old dog, Becca, grey around her chocolate brown eyes, constant companion, strictest confidant.  This is one of the very few faces in the world that can get me to do just about anything regardless of how deeply I am sleeping or how intensely sore my body aches.  Very barely clothed, I follow Becca to the sliding glass door in our bedroom and pull it open.  I look out on the enormous body of water which covers the horizon before me.  I scootch down onto my heels just in case there is the chance of a low-flying helicopter catching sight of me at this barely lit breaking of dawn.(as if there is any possibility of that)  Becca searches for the perfect spot as I try to bring my weary eyes into focus.  I remind myself as to how incredibly lucky I am to live here, on the Pacific ocean, and in my mind I send out several prayers of profound gratitude.  The first one naturally goes to God.  How solacing it is to believe, with all of my being, that Adonai is always close, in all of the details, in me.  The second prayer goes out for my husband.  Keep him safe in all of his travels throughout the day.  Keep him safe, dear God.  Keep him safe.  The third, to my four daughters.  Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.  I am here, I am here, I am forever here...  I look up into the sky.  In my line of vision, there is the Century Agave plant that I first wrote about back in April.  Bright yellow flowers bursting against the early breaking dawn.

And busily buzzing around those blossoms is a tiny wisp of a bird, a Hummingbird who has made this possibly one hundred year old plant, its home.  Her color almost equal to that of the flowers, I know this must be a female as male Hummingbirds have ruby-red throats and pointed tail feathers.  Females have a more rounded shape to their tail feathers.  She zips along from flower to flower, sipping the sweet nectar.  At first, I watch in complete amazement.  I have seen countless numbers of Hummingbirds throughout my lifetime, but my fascination with them never dulls.

I think to myself that I wish I had my camera and then I remember that it is sitting right next to my bed.(It is usually only an arms length away)  I scurry over to pick it up hoping that the Hummingbird will still be there when I return.

And she is.  Like an angel bird foreshadowing the harbinger of a beautiful day to come, she flits from flower to flower making me almost happy to be awake at 5 am in the morning.  I put down my camera and watch her for several minutes longer.  I want to dream about Hummingbirds when I crawl back under the covers again.

Becca trots back over to me and I kneel down to scratch behind her ears and kiss her stinky head.  To me, she is so beautiful.  I give her a "cookie" which she takes back to her bed to eat.  I settle back into the warmth and security of my bed.  When I look down at her again, she is contently snuggled back into her bed, breathing deeply, almost softly snoring already.  I sink slowly back down in to the realm of dreams, my breathing in perfect sync with the rhythm of this morning.

When I rise up again many hours later, the sky is cerulean blue and the flowers on the Agave plant are now a bright Crayola yellow.  Becca dances in front of me to let me know that it is time to get out of bed for the day!  I reach down to scratch her on the head, but she inches away from me coaxing me out of my bed.  I laugh as I follow her to the back door.  We walk out the the edge of the bluff but instead of looking down to the water, I immediately am drawn upwards.  To the top of the Century Agave plant, to the buzzing of a Hummingbird's wings, to the sky, to the sun, to God.

May you take notice of enough details in your day to remind you that there is always a reason to say thank you. Sometimes, you might have to search for it a little harder than other times, but it is there.  It is always there...

And You're Gonna Love Me

Becca, our eleven year old Dalmatian/Lab, is not exactly a patient pup.  Each afternoon at four forty-five, she looks at me with wild, bulging eyes and barks.  Incessantly.  It isn't her regular, "There's a stranger lurking" bark.  Nope, that would not be effective enough.  It's her, "If you do not feed me now, I WILL STARVE TO DEATH RIGHT THIS MINUTE" bark.  Very effective.   In the fall when we set the clocks back an hour, she forgets to bark at me for a couple of days, but then, her tummy catches on to the time change thing(silly humans) and we are back on schedule again.

Becca is fairly particular about who she allows into her inner circle.  There are people whom she has known for years who she still looks at with a leery eye.  And regardless of how many times we reintroduce her to them, she barks at them when they first come in.  She would never bite, but she is a pretty vocal gal who is deeply devoted to her people.

Enter Jersey.  Jersey is one of two Cornish Rex kitties that Mark gave me after our twenty-one year old feral cat, Chloe, passed away several years ago.  My heart was broken and Mark knew that bringing new babies into my life would help me to heal.  We usually adopt from shelters or rescue organizations, but after doing some research on cats with exceptional personalities, Mark decided to bring home these fearless little furless furballs.  Callie and Jersey are not your typical cats.  First off, they look a little bit like bats or aliens, with their gigantic ears and eyes.  They have only one layer of fur(most cats have three) and the little fur that they do have is curly and soft like velour.  Cornish Rex cats also have some quirky personality traits.

They are acrobats and clowns, but they also love to be LOVED.  Jersey came into our family thinking that everyone, and that includes Becca, should love him as much as he loves them.  There is no negotiating.  There is no vote.  You simply WILL accept his love!

Jersey does not care if he is rubbing you the wrong way...

As a matter of fact, your moment of complaint gives him the perfect opportunity to clean himself.

Which he does...

Until Becca stops that incessant growling sound.

At which point, the rubbing recommences.

Becca has learned to put up with this irritation.  She has somehow come to understand that Jersey's display of affection is not necessarily a bad thing.  Annoying, yes, but tolerable on some level.

Maybe she realizes that he needs it.  Possibly it is because he knows that she needs it.  In spite of her complaints, Jersey continues to rub away.  There seems to be a symbiotic connection which exists between these two that allows them to sense what the other one might be needing.  And they allow the other one to express and fulfill that need.(However annoying.)

After Jersey struts away, Becca is left to contemplate what just happened.  I have to laugh at the look of annoyance on her face.  I probably look that way to her when she barks her "Feed me!" bark each night. But patience comes in many forms.  With our pets, it might be in the clean-up that comes with pet ownership.  It might come in the form of deciphering the different barks or meows that they use to get our attention.  Or, it might come during the times that one of us needs affection, and looks toward the other one to provide it.

Relationships can be as complicated or as simple as we decide to make them.  Oftentimes, it can be as easy as reading the small cues that others provide for us.  For this Dalmatian/Lab pup and her Cornish Rex buddy, the lesson is fairly simple.  If someone rubs you the wrong way, the true message may get lost in the translation.  Try to view them with a patient eye.  They will either go away, or you will become better friends.  Either way, you will be no worse for the wear in the end!(and you might even like it!)

Learning New Tricks and A Very Special Welcome and Thank You

There is something about an old dog that makes my heart grow indescribably full.  Maybe it's the grey hairs that mysteriously pop up above the soulful eyes and kissable snout.  Maybe it's the expressions of absolute need, admiration and love which have been well cultivated and well used over the years.  Or maybe it's in the knowing that our beloved dogs are with us for far too short of a time.  That one day they are puppies romping around like they will live forever and the next, they are our closest, most loving companions holding onto our deepest, darkest secrets as if their lives depend upon it.  Whatever it is, an old dog can tug at the heartstrings just as strongly as any fluff ball of a puppy ever has.  

Becca, our lovely Dalmatian/Lab/who knows what else, just turned ten years old.  Thank goodness she is in good health and seems to be made of good strong stock.(although my family says she is WAY too chubby, but that's another story for another day)  My youngest Angel picked her out on her way home from pre-school one day and somehow, she instantly became ours.  She was four months old when we brought her home, and she came into our house full of spunk!  We had another wonderful dog named, Elijah, at the time and instead of having to worry about him attacking her, she went after him like nobody's business.  Poor Elijah who weighed in at about one hundred pounds just cowered under his daddy's leg waiting for the attack of the killer puppy to end.  Becca and Elijah went on to become great friends, over the years, and sadly when Elijah passed away last year at the age of nine, Becca kept watch for him for a very, very long time.  Not easy explaining death to a dog.  But Becca bucked up and decided to stick closer to me.  I can't say I ever really minded being that my husband is at work all day and my daughters are either in school or away at college.  She is wonderful company.

And as I sit here typing busily away, Becca is snuggled securely at my feet, deep happy snores coming from her beautiful grey snout.  I am learning to cherish the time now that my Angel daughters are fourteen, sixteen, eighteen and twenty-one.  Not that I didn't cherish the time before, I just had much, much more to distract me from the moments.  The moments when you realize that not only are your children getting older, but so are you.  When I look at my old dog, it makes me want to slow time down so that I can have more.  More moments, more gratitude, more connections that are lasting.  Something about having an old dog can do that to you.  I suppose you can teach an old dog(well not that old!) new tricks.
On a totally different subject, I must take a moment to welcome any new readers who have popped over from Melissa's incredible blog, The Inspired Room.  Melissa, one of my favorite and oldest BFF's, featured my blog as her "blog of the week" and I have received countless visitors from her site today.  Thank you, Melissa, for featuring my blog and for introducing new friends to me.  You are such a talented and beautiful soul and it shines through in everything that you do.  Even as I have witnessed your site evolve and grow, you have remained the same sweet gal that you were when your blog was just an itty-bitty.  If you haven't already discovered Melissa's blog, please pay her a visit.  You will be inspired to live a more beautiful life!  To all of Melissa's readers who have come over to check out my blog, I wish I could offer you a cup of tea and some chocolate!  Instead, I am giving you these cyber-flowers to brighten up your day.  Please feel free to leave me a comment and say hello!  I really enjoy connecting with new blogging friends and visiting new sites.  Please don't be shy!  I know that Melissa has the best readers.  I do hope that you will stop by again.  It's nice to have you here!

May the moments that cause your heart to flutter happen slowly enough for you to hold onto them.  May you recognize the things that make you feel safe and loved and connected.  And like an old dog, may you live for right now, not constantly worrying about what tomorrow will bring.(Because all we truly have is now, isn't it?)