What We Learn From Failure

I fail.  I misstep. I falter.  I bungle.  I flop.  Sometimes I even just downright screw up.  And it kills me inside when I do.  I am a huge advocate of personal responsibility and therefore, tend to hold myself up to a fairly high standard.  So when I fail, the pain settles deep in the pit of my stomach right below my ribcage where it hides, insidiously, lurking as a reminder that I cannot always bring success into what I believe.  Sometimes, I do fail.

The other day my father and I were talking about failure.  He reminded me that it is not the successes which we learn from in life, but the failures.  These words, coming from a man who has experienced many bouts of failure in his own life only to keep trying and trying and trying again, ring loudly as an ultimate truth.  My father never gives up.  He just brushes himself off, and tries things in a different way, filing his mistakes while moving forward.  In truth, for someone who has failed in about a hundred thousand different ways, my father is a success.  And that is part of the reason that I believe him when he says that we learn only from failure.  Another huge part of the reason that I know what he says is true, is because the very small circle of people who surround me, allow me the space that I need in order to learn from my failures.  They do not turn their backs on me.  They do not try to cause me greater pain.  They love me in spite of my failures.  My husband, a man of great integrity and humility, is my greatest supporter and my closest ally.  He is part of the reason that I can allow myself the room to fail, while searching for the successes.  He allows me to feel safe.

Although I do fail, flounder and flop, I try not to give myself too much time to dwell in the negative aspects of failure.  There is very little value in self-flagellation.  The only true merit in failure comes from trying to understand what might have gone wrong and trying your best to repair it.  Therein lies the possibility of success.  To achieve a favorable outcome, one must accept that there will be failures, but with those failures come the valuable lessons.

May you always find room, in life, for both your successes and your failures.  May you always find the lessons in both.  And may you surround yourself with people who will allow you to stumble, but who will then help you back up when you fall.