And The Final Sun Goes Down on May...

There is something about living right on the beach that makes it so much harder to ignore the moments.  Busy, messy, beautiful life still goes on, but somehow the moments take on a greater meaning, each one with a more singular effect. Maybe it is the constant soundtrack of the sea sounds rising, sometimes softly, sometimes more emphatically in the background of whatever else is happening, that brings the attention back into the moment.  Maybe it is the smell of the sea air, or the balmy breeze, or the chime of the train bell as it chugs gently below our bluff.  It could be the way in which the sunlight reflects off of the water(sometimes causing an unexpected tear of unforeseen emotion), or how the color of the sky is a constantly changing hue, or that the clouds might be there one moment and then not be there in the next.  But then, it could be because this place, this small plot of land overlooking the ocean, this coastal jewel, this piece of heaven on earth, is the closest place to home that my soul has ever really known.  Ever known...And yet whatever it is, these moments, these encapsulates of time, these finite pixels of never-ending grandiosity, cause the breath to stop, cause the moments to freeze, cause the attention to be drawn elsewhere.  And whatever was seemingly so important and crucial before, becomes engulfed back into the moment like the sun being drawn slowly down from its highest heights to where it can no longer be seen. Back down into the horizon.  Back down.  Back down...

Soar high into the month of June, my sweet friends.

As the Tides Change and Happy 1st Night of Chanukah

As I sit back to take inventory on the things that I have gleaned during 2008, I must remind myself to reflect more deeply on the good, while still holding on to the lessons that I have received from the unbearable.  Spreading my wings to fly off into the unknown of another year is, at the same time, a huge relief and scary as hell.  The emotions that I am experiencing in leaving this past year behind, remind me that I truly do not know what life will bring from one moment to the next.  That there are no guarantees, no coincidences and truly no absolutes.  And although this past year brought with it only a month and a half before my family experienced the saddest tragedy that we have ever had to face, life continued happening as we celebrated birth(renewal), a graduation(transition), and the flight of two of our Angel Daughters going off to college(one for the first time and one as a senior).  
And while I cannot say that I am at all sorry to get past the psychological boundary of putting 2008 behind me, I can say that it was a year that will stand out forever in my mind.  Heading in to 2009 brings with it a mixed sense of relief, apprehension, and hope.  In some ways, I feel as if I will need a compass in order to navigate the wind currents by which my life will now flow.  In other ways, I feel a bit stronger and better prepared because of the storms that sought to clip my wings.  Life is like that.  We don't realize how incredibly strong we are until the bounds of that strength are tested.  It is only then that we know, really know, how resilient we can be in the face of adversity.

Standing at the edge of a very low tide, last week, I noticed the rippling sands that are usually covered by the sea water.  It made me think about the things that reside just below the surface of who we believe ourselves to be during the times when our lives seem fairly unchallenged.  It is only during the unusual times, the times when things are not as they should be, that we are forced to peer beneath the surface into the face of someone who feels strange and unfamiliar.  Those are the times when we can learn one thousand lessons in what seems to be a few short moments.  The low tides of our lives, when taken seriously and to heart, are the times when we can gain momentous growth.  And whether we are ready or we are not, the wind currents will change, the tides will ebb and flow, and the storms will come.  It is in how we choose to navigate the changes, that will determine whether we will become permanently grounded or if we will be able to soar even higher than we did before.

As you reflect upon this past year, may you treat yourself as you would, a student who is constantly learning new lessons as they go.  Gently, honestly, but with a small bit of slack and a swift kick in the rear, when absolutely necessary.  

Thank you for helping me to find my own wings.

Angels Taking Flight

May I proudly present to you, The Theatre Performance Bachelor's of Fine Arts Class of 2009.  This is group of talented, ambitious, spirited, intelligent, beautiful young people who represent the newest round of "adults" that are perched to soar into their futures.  Over the past four years, I have been lucky enough to watch these very special young people display their amazing talents.  They are dedicated, bright shining individuals who choose to express themselves through the craft of acting.  And act they do.  

Last night, as I entered the theater, I stopped to look at the playbill which represented their final year as a class together.  They chose to have a play written for them that would culminate their work, not only as individuals, but as a group.  There was no grandstanding, no hogging of the spotlight, no small parts, no big parts.  There was only a group of individuals celebrating each other's talents.  Allowing one another to shine.  Holding each other's hands until it was time to break free to go on stage.  I have watched these young people grow from their freshman year until now and the results have been nothing short of fantastic.  The play that was written for them called, New Beulah by Dan Moyer, is a bittersweet comedy.  It highlighted a small town which was being forced to move on because of big-city growth.  It was highly reflective of how these young adults must feel about moving past their college days into a world that is unknown and frightening at times.

I walked into the play seeing each of these individuals as who they are and left with tears in my eyes, and the memory of the characters, on my heart.  These kids are that good, each and every one of them.  They have perfected their crafts in a way that makes you believe that who they are pretending to be, is really who they are at that moment.  Remarkable.
Waiting for the play to begin, I watched my own Angels play outside.  I remembered my oldest Angel pretending when she was younger, and I realized that this is how she chose to test her own wings.  By playing.  Yet when she found out that playing was also an art, how incredibly overjoyed she must have felt.  Her soul could express itself through acting.  What a gift!

Waiting for the show to begin, my three youngest Angels support each other's endeavours.  It is good knowing that we are constantly adding on to our families along the way.
And here they are after the play.  My youngest three Angels supporting and loving on our Angel Daughter Number One.(striped shirt)  You were amazing, baby.  Go break another toe as you go on tonight.

To the wonderful Senior B.F.A. Class of 2009- You can all pull at my heartstrings like nobody else I know.  Each one of you embodies the spirit of an actor.  Each one of you performs your art in a way that is unforgettable.  You are all artists and I am lucky to have been able to witness your growth over the past four years.  Fly confidently into your futures.  You have so much to be proud of.

Just like the people in New Beulah, times change, people move on, and so shall we.  Our resolve is we are only just beginning our journey.

-The Senior Class B.F.A. in Theatre Performance Class of 2009

May you always allow your own spirit the time to play.

Defying Gravity

Our oldest angel is finished with school and is home for the summer.  Being home for the summer is not what it used to be, as she is an independent young adult now who has a life which is separate yet still intermingled with ours.  I love having her at home.  We all love having her at home.  I realize that her days in the nest will soon be numbered since she is now entering her senior year in college, but there is something about having all of my angels ensconced safely underneath the same roof that allows me to sleep more peacefully at night.  I think that most Moms feel that way.

Several years ago, Angel Daughter Number One introduced our family to the musical, Wicked. If you are not familiar with the story, it is based on the 1995 novel that tells the story of, "The Wizard of Oz", from the Wicked Witch of the West's perspective.  The Wizard of Oz, which was first published over a century ago did not divulge much of the Witch's past nor did it go into her relationship with Galinda the Good Witch.  Wicked gave the reader great insight into how and why the Wicked Witch of the West turned out the way that she did. (She was not really wicked at all, but in some ways the attributes which others labeled her with made her appear to be someone she wasn't.)   When Wicked was made into a musical it took Broadway by storm, and the story of Elphaba(The Wicked Witch of the West) finally had it's day.  The musical is wonderful.  It is funny, touching, and for some reason, I can totally relate to the story of Elphaba.  As a matter of fact, I believe that there are many individuals who would relate strongly to her story.  My first experience seeing Wicked was on Broadway in NYC.  We loved it so much that we ended up seeing it a second time when it came to Los Angeles.  I could sit through it a dozen times and never get bored.  I could be Elphaba if my skin-tone was just a little bit greener in color.

Tonight, AD1 is going to see Wicked with her boyfriend The Cheesemiester, her lovely roommate Tessa, and Tessa's boyfriend.  While she was beautifying herself for the evening, I decided to harass her by following her around with the camera for a bit.  After all, it isn't often that I get to do that anymore! (Besides, if she is ever going to be a famous actor, she needs to get used to the paparazzi now!)  It was fun watching her primp and fluff for her big evening in Los Angeles, and as I watched her go through her routine, it reminded me of how far she has come in just twenty short years.  From my sweet, little angel baby to this beautiful young woman, I could almost visualize her at every single age she has been within the memory of my heart.  Bittersweet and absolutely inspiring, I soaked in every moment without getting too mushy.With her two youngest sisters working as her fashion consultants(AD2 was out looking at college housing for next fall or I am sure that she would have had something to add), she finished getting ready and honored me with one of her campiest, most theatrical poses.  When she finished her outfit with some four-inch heels, she stood a good ten inches above my head.  We all got a very good laugh out of that, and although my younger girls wanted me to take a photo next to her(I don't really mind that my short stature is a source of amusement for them.), I had to refuse as I never really ended up getting dressed today and so I didn't want to memorialize the moment.

As we kissed goodnight, and AD1 teetered out the door(heels will do that!), I made sure to etch the moment upon my heart.  It won't be long before AD1 uses her wings to begin "defying gravity".  After all, she has been test-flying them for the past several years and I think they are almost dry now.(Big sigh...)  Ever since she has gone off to college, I have been making sure to record as much of the teenage years, for all of my angels, as I did of the younger years.  I think we sometimes forget that growth and change is not something which only occurs when our children are little and still losing teeth.  There is a lot that can be cherished between the twelve year old molars and the Wisdom teeth extractions; if we remember that our children's growth is something that will continue to happen even as their physical growth slows.  These four angels, this angel, will always be my little girls.  I will guard their history as only a dedicated mother can do, so that when they ask me someday what they were like at six months, six years, or sixteen years, I will have stories to pull from within the depths of my heart.  And they will know that they were(are, will always be)as important to me as the day they were born.

From the tips of their tiny, down feathers to the majestic lengths of their fully-formed wings.  They will know.

To Life

To be alive.  

To be able to express the feelings of love that we have for one another.  

To take a deep breath. 

To know, somehow, that there is something which is much larger than ourselves.  

To trust.  To feel.  To laugh.  

To observe another sunset.

To live with deep gratitude.

To share great sorrows, but know that there will always be more joy.

To embrace and share the Life Force which connects us all together.

To soar without knowing what might be ahead, but trusting, with all of your might, that the flight will take you where you are meant to go.

To life.

My wish for you is that your list includes an infinite amount of "to's".  It would be such an honor if you would share some of yours here.

With love and deep gratitude,

Debbie

Flight Patterns, or Relearning How to Use Your Own Wings

It is an undeniable fact of life that our babies have souls which begin to sprout wings, from the very moment at which they are born. As parents, we spend much of their childhoods trying to maintain and clip those wings in an effort to keep them from becoming overgrown before their time. We fuss, we bother, we trim, and we pray, that the wings that our children's spirits grow will provide them with all of the lightness that their dreams may carry, but also the weight to know when it is time to stay grounded for a while. We do the best we can to provide a nest which is warm and safe and dry. We slowly nudge them from that nest, in hopes that we will someday be able to watch them soar, flying confidently on their own.

But as parents, what do we do about our own wings? As we become the nurturers, what happens to the wings which are still very much a part of our own souls? This is something that I have been contemplating, for the past several years, as I gently stood back to witness angel daughter number one take to the skies on her own, and I am now anticipating angel daughter number two's departure in the fall. Here she stands at eighteen years old, hanging on the precipice of life with her wings in the ready position. Here I stand, watching with a Mothers eye, and hoping, just hoping, that I have done enough. Enough to set her free. Enough to know that she has exactly what she needs. And enough to continue my own journey towards dusting off my wings, and showing my girls, that mommies can also take flight. In many ways, this is an important time in all of our lives, as we are all on the verge of a test-flight. Our children, because of the newness that using their wings alone brings, and us, because of the fact that we must shake off some layers of dust.

I have four more years before my nest will be completely empty. Four more years to watch as angel daughter number three and finally, angel daughter number four get ready to take flight. At that point, it will have been almost twenty five years since the only wings which I had to concentrate on, were my own. I am both nervous and excited about reinventing myself at that time. I look forward to not only, witnessing what my daughters will become, but also, witnessing my own ability to take flight, in a totally different direction than ever before in my life.

So, I would like to know...What will you do with your wings, as the air-currents change in your own life? Where do you see yourself in five years, and how will you use your wings to get there? Regardless of what may have caused you to tuck away the wings of your soul, how will you use them when you feel ready to soar into a new phase of life?

May you take the time to nurture your own hopes and dreams, and may you never, ever clip your own wings.