All is Well

*You might want to grab a cup of coffee because this is a long one:)

So I was just reading a blog in which the "writer" proselytized that the reason that Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc over sixteen states across the East Coast is because, wait for it, wait for it...the people who reside in those sixteen states somehow deserved to be bashed by a megastorm of epic proportions.      According to this woman(who is raising eight children with epic stupidity and bigotry), it is the fault of the gays and the damn liberals and the Obama supporters and the non-Christians and anyone else who might not agree with her- I mean-the only religious doctrine that should exist in this country.  I am mostly non-political.  I believe that gay people should have the same rights as straight people.  I actually supported neither candidate in this past election.  I am moderately liberal on some issues and moderately conservative on others.  I have been married to the same man, with whom I have birthed four daughters, for over twenty-eight years.  I am Jewish.  I am a born and bred New Yorker who has raised her children(quite well, I might add) for their entire lives on the West Coast of this great nation.  Which is why, if I were to follow the logic according to the "gospel" of this woman and others like her, God probably decided to track me down in Southern California to create a little Hurricane Sandy in the lives of the people who are closest to me? Since He was already ticked off enough to completely batter the worlds of countless East Coasters(many of whom are God-loving Christians like herself) why not do a bit of picking and choosing on the West Coast at the same time just to prove that we(the people who do not believe what she believes) have also so offended God that He is going to pummel us all into subservient submission(to heck with free-will).  I am losing patience with this idiotic line of thinking.  My mother-in-law sent me a fictional book to read several months ago that meandered down this same, exact road and as much as I love her, I nearly conducted a good, old-fashioned book burning ceremony in my own backyard.  I forgave her for truly believing the bull-shit that was written inside of that book as anything but fiction, but this particular blogger who took it upon herself to tell hurting people that Hurricane Sandy came crashing down on them because GOD IS ANGRY AT THEM made my heart sink down into the pits of my stomach.  Yes, there is a lot of hurtful crap that is written on the Internet and yes, this woman has the right to believe anything that she darn-well pleases, but to use her blog as an instrument of hate, to stick her proverbial tongue out at the poor people who were so devastated in the path of this monstrous storm while saying "Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!" gross, just gross.  So, to stand in unity with my East Coast friends and family members(incidentally this includes my mother-in-law who lives on the Jersey Shore) I am posting a sampling of the crap sandwich which has been dealt out to our family over the course of the past five weeks with a bit of a different perspective on crap sandwiches.

Anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis probably already knows that my dad, my touchstone, recently suffered a heart attack which was followed by quadruple bypass surgery.  My dad has made many strides in his recovery and is doing so much better now.  His recovery, and not the episode which led up to it, is what I attribute to God.  As I explained in my previous post, I believe that my father was given a second chance at life because his work on this earth is not yet complete.  That being said, I do not believe that my father's heart attack was caused by God.  Heart attacks are acts of nature, just as hurricanes or earthquakes or tornadoes are.

The heart attack seemed to just be the tipping point for us.  The vehicle in the photograph above used to belong to Angel Daughter Number Two.  I say that it used to belong to her, because some brainless schmuck chose to get behind the wheel of a car drunk, and then proceeded to plow into the front of my daughter's car head-on, very late one night a couple of weeks ago.  She sensed him coming but it was too late.  He hit her in such a way that her car uncontrollably spun around a full 360 degrees deploying the airbags and leaving her stunned and in pain as she tried to put together the pieces of what had just happened.  From out of nowhere, a young man on a bicycle ran to her aid helping her out of the vehicle and retrieving her cellphone from inside so that she could call for help.  When AD2's boyfriend arrived on the scene, the driver admitted to him that he had been drinking.  The drunk remained on the scene for several minutes until AD2 noticed him limping across the road and then, out of sight, leaving nothing but his vehicle behind.

That was the same week that I arrived home after spending eight days out in Palm Springs.  Mark met me out there(two hours away from home) for the weekend after my dad was released from ICU leaving our two youngest Angel Daughters in charge of the farm.  On Saturday night, Angel Daughter Number Four called and mentioned that our dog, Micah, was limping after she had taken him to play with her boyfriend's dogs for the afternoon.  When we spoke to her on Sunday, she said he was still limping but seemed to be doing better so we didn't think too much about it.  When I arrived home at around 10:30 Sunday night, the dog was not limping.  He was dragging his leg behind him and yelping anytime that we touched it to look at it.

*Notice my suitcase still yet to be unpacked in the background.

By Tuesday, Micah was in surgery to replace his torn ACL with metal pins.

And somewhere in the midst of all of this, my husband managed to fracture his wrist in two places.

And you know what my mantra was for the entire time that all of this was taking place?  It can always be worse.  There was nothing facetious about this.  No sarcasm.  No blaming God.  No believing that the Lord had been particularly harsh on my family as a way to "punish" us for my gay-loving, non-Christian, Jewish, moderately liberal, moderately conservative views.  

It was my choice and my belief to focus on where I know God is in all of this.  It is for the same reason that I know that God did not bring Hurricane Sandy down on the lives of all of the people who live in the sixteen states that were affected by such a mega force of nature to punish them.  Because no matter how bad things might seem, they can always be worse.  And no matter how difficult the storms that we must face might seem at the time that they are happening, there are always angels, even human beings with invisible wings or bicycles who will swoop in to help or to rescue or to lend a hand.  No, crazy woman who had the audacity to write that God used the tragedy of a megastorm to punish whomever happened to reside in its way, God did not create the hurricane in order to express His anger. 

A hurricane is an act of nature.

A heart attack is an act of nature.

A broken wrist or a torn ACL, both acts of nature.

A drunk driver barreling down the road without concern for anyone but his own need to get where he is going impaired out of his mind, that is an unfortunate and evil act of free-will.

But a surgeon who can repair a badly damaged heart and save a life, 

millions of people coming together to support those who were traumatized and damaged and devastated  by a storm,

people putting their own lives at risk with barely a thought for their own safety in order to rescue others,

a veterinary surgeon who can replace the ACL of a dog with staples and pins so that he can run again,

a stranger on a bicycle who stops in the middle of the night to come to the aid of someone else's daughter,

that is where God is.

The photo above is of AD2 and Micah, now.  They are both still dealing with the after effects of what they have been through, but they are healing and safe and alive.  The little red car in the photo is AD2's new Prius Hybrid.  The insurance company declared her other car totaled after the accident and sent her a check almost immediately.  There is an investigator assigned to her case and he is going to find the driver of the vehicle that could have killed my daughter.  Things can definitely always be worse.

Through it all, there are always wonderful moments intertwined with the difficult ones.  Here are just a few.  These are the moments that remind me of where God is in the mix.

Angel Daughter Number Four, our tiny dancer, asked me to come observe as she taught some dance classes.  As I sat there observing, several of the parents who were also observing their own students began talking about what an incredible teacher AD4 is.  They did not realize that I was there to watch her and that I am her momma.  I just sat there and smiled.

Halloween 2012.  Angel Daughter Number Three dressed up as one of the characters from the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Once she got the full face make-up done, she looked amazing!

Angel Daughter Number One likes to ham it up for me when I have the camera because she knows that it will make me go away faster.  That being said, I adore this child.

Angel Daughter Number Two did a photo shoot at our house last weekend.  It was so much fun to watch her work.  Our house was buzzing with energy as the make-up artist, stylist, models and their boyfriends busily worked together to create some gorgeous images.

I will definitely post some of the finished products here soon.  Such a fantastic group of young people.  Watching AD2 orchestrate everything made me a very proud momma.

Last week, we had a Disney Day as a family.  I think this photo pretty much sums up what kind of a day that was.  It is not as often as I would like that we can get together for an entire day to be together as a family now, but when we do, I am nothing but grateful.

My prayers go out to the many people who were affected by Hurricane Sandy.  May you find strength in each other.  May you find healing in the rebuilding of your lives, and may you find peace in the moments that remind you that things can always be worse.  Oh yes, they can.

Why I Love My iPhone

After uploading 672 seemingly innocuous photos from my iPhone onto my computer yesterday, and weeding through a lot of recent memories, it occurred to me that modern technology really does provide an amazing way to capture and share moments that definitely otherwise would have been lost.  You see, I like to amuse my family by transmitting pictures in real time to them over the phone.  It could be something bizarre, funny, touching, or even just a photo of a tee-shirt that I am thinking about purchasing for one of the girls.  But all of it is saved courtesy of my iPhone for a time when I am looking for something mindless to do and I decide to load it all onto my computer.  That is when I realize that I am very thankful that I did not take the time to delete anything from my phone while sitting there waiting umpteen minutes for the doctor to see me, and I read that super fantastic article about the importance of tooth flossing in a two month old magazine instead.  And while I will spare you the informative details of all that I have learned from a picked-over magazine in the doctor's office waiting room, here are some moments collected over the past couple of months courtesy of my iPhone.

Above is a picture of Angel Daughter Number Four and our wonderful dog Micah.  Regardless of what color this little angel colors her hair at any given moment, her classic beauty shines right through.  Micah is our 110 pound rescue pup who was definitely "bred" for size and strength, but by the grace of God, turned out to be nothing more than 110 pounds of slobbering love.  We are so grateful to the individuals who rescued Micah, his momma, and his two brothers and three sisters from inside of a shed where they were abandoned, emaciated, and alone.  Momma dog was nursing her babies even though she had absolutely no access to food or water for who knows how long.  The "owners" moved to Hawaii and decided to call animal control several days after they arrived there to let them know that they had abandoned some dogs on their property when they took off.  Minor afterthought.  Micah, his momma, and his brothers and sisters were almost missed because they were locked inside of a shed.  Thank God that the officers heard some whimpering from the shed before they left with two other dogs that were found on the property.  We got Micah when he was a few months old and rather small.(except for his enormous paws)  He was so pathetic at the time that we allowed him to snuggle up in bed with us for the first few weeks so that he would feel more secure.  Now he believes that he is a lap dog.  Truly.  Our vet somewhat jokingly called him a "Drug Lord's Dream" when we had him tested for breed.  He is one half Rottweiler, one quarter Doberman and one quarter Pit Bull, but really, he is all pussy-cat.  It is amazing what love can do.

Here is my buddy, Becca.  I have mentioned before how important this old girl is to me.  She is strength, guts and loyalty.  Next month, on my oldest Angel Niece's birthday, she will turn 13.  So will my niece, and God knows how much I would love to see her.  We fought hard but lost our battle for visitation in court.  One of the saddest stories of my life but in my heart, not the way that the story will end.  On October 21st, Becca and I will share some goodies in celebration of the birthdays of two very special 13 year old girls, one whose gift I will be able to give on that day and another that I will pack away for someday...

Only in Southern California can you walk out of the grocery store and find a stark white Bentley with blush pink ornaments on both hood, trunk and hub caps.(Although there must be a fancier word than"hub cap" when it comes to a Bentley.)  These cars cost anywhere from $225,000 and up!  That is a quarter of a million dollars for a car.  A CAR!

Personally, I was more impressed with the pink emblems than the car itself.  This was one of those, "send a photo to my girls in real time" moments which I am now sharing with you.  You're welcome.

*Ghost kitty!

Sorry if I scared you...Halloween is coming and I LOVE Halloween!

Kissy face with Angel Daughter Number Two.  How I love this girl...How I love them all.

This one was taken specifically for Angel Daughter Number Three.  She loves it when I send her pictures of Rex and often texts me requesting them from work.  He sometimes likes to snuggle his way underneath the pillows on Mark's side of the bed.  He thinks we can't see him.  *Refer back to photo above.

Uh-oh!

For those of you with small children(Mark) who you might or might not have trouble bringing into fancy stores like Target, I am here to tell you that it only gets worse.

Oy Vey.

But then it gets better once they hit the age of about 24 or so.  You see.  I am here to bring you hope.

Another photo moment is when I find things like this.  First, they take my breath away, and then, I take them as signs of what they so obviously are to me; hellos from my beloved, deceased brother.  I have been constantly reminded over the course of the past three years that my brother is still very much here with us.  Unbelievably supernatural signs that line up in a way that cannot be explained in any other way.  As a teenager, my brother was a huge KISS fan.  His room was decked out in posters that I happened to find somewhat creepy but KISS was a guy's band and my brother was pure guy.  This record album was one of my brother's all time favorites.  I mean, if I close my eyes, I can hear it blaring loudly from his twelve year old room his voice belting out, "I wanna rock n role all night and party everyday!",  his fist rhythmically pounding out the beat.  Around his birthday, we were in a thrift store that sold a little bit of everything.  Up against the wall in a small corner, I spotted this album sitting by itself.  I reminded myself to capture the moments as they come because sometimes, they become an ethereal mixture of reality and dream in my mind and then I begin to wonder.  Doubt.  But with something concrete to look at, I cannot doubt.  And so, a picture...

One of my favorites is this last one.  My two guys, Micah and Mark, standing out on the edge of the bluff together, our strength and our protectors.  As far as I am concerned there are not five luckier women on the earth than my four Angels and I because we have this man to call our own.  Husband and father.  Chief of our tribe, love of my life with his trusty dog by his side.

And this is why I believe that the iPhone is really a fancy camera that happens to make phone calls, as well.

Snow Angels

An unexpected snowstorm swept across the San Bernardino mountains a couple of days after Thanksgiving, this year. For us Californians, this was not only a remarkable surprise but a gift of aberrant beauty. Although our rainy season is sometimes known to begin in the month of November, it usually does not bring any snow until early January. Over the past decade or more that we have been spending our Thanksgivings in Lake Arrowhead, this is only the second one in which we have received snow. Instead of putting on our sneakers to take a warm autumns hike in the gorgeous mountain air, my Angel Daughters and my husband put on their snowsuits and braved the snow. Waking up to the white stuff was absolutely glorious!

I heard the sounds of my family outside, before I spotted them. They were laughing and screaming with delight as they sleigh-rode down the hills by our home. When I opened the window to call out to them, Angel Daughter Number Four, looking much to me like she did when she was ten, came trudging up the hill to throw snowballs at me.
Soon after, my rosy-cheeked little Angel fell backwards into the snow to create a perfect snow angel!
At fifteen and more than a half years old, I am so grateful that she continues to hold on to her playful spirit. Oftentimes, teenagers take themselves far too seriously and they forget what it feels like to play. AD4 not only left behind a lovely snow angel, but she also left a wonderful imprint on my memory.
Since we do not get to spend as much time at our mountain home as we used to, the days that we do get to spend there are precious. This is the road that leads up to our cabin. Even just looking at it, brings a sigh of relief to my soul. For me, it is another place of quiet contentment.
Angel Daughter Number Four giggles as she plays hide and seek with her boyfriend, Jacob. She likes to tuck herself snugly into the top bunk of the bunk-beds. And although seventeen can sometimes be a broody age, AD3 can often be silly.(especially when Jacob is around!)
These are the moments that I could freeze forever. Angel Daughter Number Four has always loved playing with people's hair. When she was little, she used to sit on my bed and brush my hair. Now she likes to style her sister's hair. Angel Daughter Number Two receives a cute braid from AD4. So sweet.
Angel Daughter Number One always warms my heart with her smile. I love the way that she is always willing to share it with me, even when I interrupt her while she is in the middle of something else. Thank you for your patience, sweetie!
Micah, our Rottweiler, Doberman, Pit-Bull puppy is now ten months old. Although the breeds which make up his genetics are thought to be more aggressive, the only aggression this boy shows is in his constant need to love and be loved. When we were searching for a dog to rescue, I was sure that I did not want to adopt a Pit-Bull. Unfortunately, the pounds and rescue organizations are absolutely full of them. It is my belief that most of them are lovable, smart dogs who just need proper parents, but with all of our other pets, and lots of kids coming and going, I did not feel that our home would be a proper fit for a Pit-Bull. When we found Micah, we were told that he was a Rottie-Lab mix. As he grew(very rapidly!), Mark and I decided to have him genetically tested. There was NO way in the world that we wanted to get rid of him, but I felt that it was important to find out which breeds we might be dealing with. We wanted to make sure that he had proper training, if indeed, he turned out to be a Pit-Bull. When the veterinarian called to let us know the results of Micah's DNA test, he laughed because this gentle giant of a soul turned out to be not only Rottie, not only Pit-Bull, but Doberman, as well! Our vet described him as a "Drug Lord's Dream"! We do know, for a fact, that Micah's abandoned mother, as well as two other dogs who were left on the property, came from an area that is well-known for drug problems. Unfortunately, these dogs are often bred to be macho or worse.(Hello, Michael Vick...) Micah, his mother, two sisters and three brothers were rescued by an incredible organization which would only adopt them out after some very stringent background checks. They did not want these puppies to turn out to be what they were most likely, bred to become. We were so lucky to be matched up with this wonderful pup. And I am now a little bit sad that I had ruled out Pit-Bulls before ever getting to know one. I am a true believer in life presenting us with lessons that we are meant to learn from. Micah is one of my teachers.
Angel Daughter Number Two brought her little devil of a kitten, Rex. He is another rescue. She found him when he was only a few weeks old, abandoned and shivering on the grass near her apartment building. Immediately, it was love.
This is my old girl, Becca. She just turned eleven and is suffering from some crippling arthritis in one of her back legs. She is a good old girl and she owns my heart. With the help of prednisone and pain killers, she still gets around fairly well. I fall in love with my husband, Mark, all over again, each time I watch him carry her up and down the stairs. She weighs sixty pounds and is quite squirmy to hold. But Mark patiently lugs her around when he has to so that she can be by my side. She and I make quite the pair!
Angel Daughter Number Two's boyfriend, Sol, drove up to join us when it was first beginning to snow. He spent Thanksgiving with his family(good boy), and then came up to be with his girl. AD2 told me that when she asked Sol to get her a glass of juice, his reply was, "What baby wants, baby gets." Now that is the type of man who is worthy of one of my daughters:)
We decided to brave the cold and the snowstorm to go down to the lake by our home. Lake Arrowhead is a cute, little town with the lake being the center of it. There are some shops and restaurants there, but mostly it is a nice place to walk around. The snowstorm was lovely for visitors, but absolutely terrible for the businesses in the area. It took place on the day after "Black Friday" which caused most people to stay home. It was very sad to see all of the employees standing around on a day when things were supposed to be busy!
We did do some shopping as there were some fantastic sales. Of course my girls decided to be goofy! Another reason why I love them so, so much.
I decided to take some photos to use on our holiday cards. My girls only like posing for photos when they decide the time is right, but I got a few cute ones. They like to make fun of me because it takes me a while to press the shutter button, but that is only because I have to examine each one of them to make sure that there is no funny business going on! There is at least one in every group! They can be very sneaky little angels! But then again, another reason why I love them...
I'm not sure where the ducks are supposed to go when the weather turns, but it seems that these guys were just as surprised by the early snowstorm as the humans were. There had to be a couple hundred of them, but they don't go hungry because all of the shops sell bags of duck food.
Here is my youngest duckling feeding some of the ducks who came up to greet us.
The big guy in the middle made us all laugh!
After the snowstorm subsided, the sunlight shone through the branches of the enormous pine trees. There is something about the way in which the branches diffuse the light that creates such a beautiful sense of peace. If you don't already do so, try to pay attention to the way in which light can evoke your different senses. I am not sure that I began doing this until fairly recently, and it causes me to view things in such a different way. It is almost like discovering a color or even a scent that I never noticed before. Noticing the light awakens something within my spirit which might have been sleeping silently before.
Trees, that are hundreds of feet tall, tower gracefully over our cabin. They create shade below, but when you look up, it is blue. So beautifully blue.
A lone pine cone dangles precariously from a young tree. A sign of growth and regrowth and more growth to come.
Angel Daughter Number Two(our resident professional-grade photographer) noticed the sunset over the city below. She said that she could look at it for days and days. I have to agree.

Life looks a bit different at around six thousand feet above sea level. The air is thinner, the weather is cooler, and sometimes, if you are really lucky, the unexpected happens. An extraordinary snowstorm flurries down from the heavens like the tiny feathers off of an angel's wings. And you get to create snow angels for Thanksgiving. Or you get to observe them from above. Or, you get to spend several days tucked warmly into a cozy cabin with your family while sitting by a fire and throwing a stuffed toy back and forth with your Rottweiler, Pit-Bull, Doberman puppy.

And at the end of the Day, Life is Very, Very Good

*Angel Daughter Number Three

For all that I have been through...Must still go through...These are the faces that make it all worthwhile. My growing daughters. My Angels. Each a singular being unto themselves, but also a part of something bigger. Much, much bigger.

*Angel Daughters Number Four and Number One

Beauty, growth and transformation...

*Self-portrait of Angel Daughter Number Two

With each step towards their independence, I envision what is possible, and I take a step towards mine, knowing that our futures will forever be intermingled.

*Self-portrait of AD2

For we are all headed there anyway. Towards our futures. Even in this second, this minute, this hour, this day...So why not head there with acceptance, togetherness and joy?
*AD4 and AD1. Our cat Callie. Baking Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread together.

Creating. Working together. Learning from one another until we forget who knew it first.
*Angel Daughter Number Three

Stopping to share a moment even on the busiest of days. Reminding one another that we are family.
*Angel Daughter Number Four

Incidentally, it might be the eyes that give it away.(that we are family)

*Angel Daughters and their Dad, my Love.

Or the group hugs.

*Micah-Ten months.

Or someone's constant need to make everyone else in the family laugh.(Sorry, Micah:))
*San Clemente sunset on October 24, 2009

But at the end of the day, life is good. Very, very good. Because that is the way that I see it.

And regardless of all the background noise that sometimes tries to muck up the music, the soundtrack of my life, of our lives together, will always be We are Family(by Sister Sledge). And if you happen to be someplace with us and that song comes on, be prepared to DANCE with abandon. Because that is what we will do.

I am one very lucky woman.