My husband and I took a long walk along a somewhat hidden, yet very well-known beach, this past weekend. We were searching for a new place to comb for sea glass. The beach that we had been treasure hunting along for over the past nine months, seems to have exhausted its supply and so, the time had come to move into some new territory. New territory...This is something that I/we have been slowly leaning into for the past several years.
-When Angel Daughter Number One stretched her wings in the direction of college, I leaned in.
-When I learned that I was going to have to live with a chronic illness that had taken up residency inside of my body, I leaned in.
-When my beloved brother passed away unexpectedly and my family was forced to look into the face of not only loss, but also biting betrayal, we all leaned in.
-When we found out that we would have to fight an overwhelming battle to see our nieces, my daughter's cousins, we all leaned in.
-When our second Angel Daughter moved into her first apartment and began her college journey, I leaned in.
-When Angel Daughter Number Three and Angel Daughter Number Four started driving to high school together, my husband began the loss of his job as the primo-carpool driver and full-time father. He leaned in.
-And when my husband and I were suddenly faced with the terminal, fast-moving cancer which was quickly ravaging the body of our beloved fifteen year old cat, Harley, about two weeks ago, we leaned in even farther. And on Monday, we made the heart-wrenching decision to end his life peacefully and humanely, by putting him to sleep. So, so, so sad.
We never found any sea glass on the new beach that we ventured down to. Seems we will have to keep searching for the perfect territory on which to hunt. We know that a good treasure hunt takes time and patience. But as we were walking along, Mark spotted this rock. He knew what it was right away. But it took me a few extra seconds to metabolize its symbolism. Mark began shifting the rock around so that I could get a better look at it, but when the idea that it was a large heart stone struck me, I asked him to leave it as it was. For its placement, its shape, the way that it turned up directly on our path, let me know that everything was as it should be. It reminded me that even when the territory changes, when the path curves or when it's time to search someplace else, as long as we lean in and trust, we will find a way to continue on.
As Mark and I continued our walk along the sand, we talked and laughed and took in all of the beauty which surrounded us. He told me that he knows we are getting older, but that he still feels like he's in his twenties. I giggled and reminded myself that I can still remember all of the reasons that I fell in love with him and knew he was the one, twenty-eight years ago.
And as we held hands on our way back to the car, we leaned in even closer. We leaned into each other.
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