Reconnect, Repair, Renew

Rosh Hashanah literally means "the head of the year".  In Jewish tradition, Rosh Hashanah marks the completion of the creation of the world and is looked upon as a time to begin anew, to forgive and to be forgiven.  It is now 5773 according to the Jewish calendar which follows the lunar calendar(our regular calendar follows the solar cycle) and even if you do not believe that the world has only existed for 5773 years, this is a time for great self-evaluation and contemplation.  It is a time of gratitude for God and a time of deep introspection and study.  It is a time for celebration and a time to ask for forgiveness(from God, from ourselves, from others).  It is a time of prayer and a time of Tzedakah(charity).  It is the time when it is said that God opens up the book of life in order to determine who shall live and who shall die. It is a time when we are expected to repent, to return to God, and to return to our highest selves.  It is a time for second chances(or third, or fourth, or even ninety-ninth) as long as we take responsibility for our own actions.  It is not a time for feeling guilty about our past indiscretions but rather a time to right our own wrongs.  And as daunting as all of this might seem, it is really a gift because when done correctly, the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur(the ten days known as "The days of Awe") may not only be spiritually cleansing but also emotionally healing for ourselves and for others, as well.

As I sit here contemplating the year that has been, the "me" that has been, the "we" that has been over the course of the past year, it feels a little bit odd if not somewhat mis-placed because this Rosh Hashanah somehow snuck up on me.  I can definitely blame this on so many things.  The fact that I turned 50 this past summer, the fact that our youngest Angel Daughter turned eighteen and graduated from high school, that our oldest turned twenty-five, the fact that our devoted and beloved rabbi(our rabbi for well-over twenty plus years) passed away, the fact that it has been unusually and repressively hot and humid for the past two months making it feel as if no time has passed at all.  And yet, here it is.  Here I am.

As I watched a train passing below our home on the tracks that skirt the shoreline of the coast on the evening of the first day of the new year, I thought about how quickly things, life-cycle events, days, weeks, years can pass before we even realize that they are upon us.

There are times when we do not even feel the changes as they happen, and then suddenly, here they are, right in front of our eyes as if they magically appeared out of nowhere, blazingly obvious in both sight and sound but leaving us feeling somewhat dumbfounded by their unexpected arrival.

And yet, we knew that they were coming.  Barrelling down the tracks like a well-timed train, slowing down for nothing.

As I consider the things that I must do in order to become a better person, I intend on using the next week or so to look within and to dig as deeply as my courage will allow in order to come to terms with the things that will make me a finer human being.  What can I do to make the lives of those who I love and care about just a little bit better each day?  Are my actions aligned with my core values on a daily basis?  Are there things that I could work on in order to become a more productive and positive individual?  It is said that on Rosh Hashanah, the world goes back to the moment of creation and begins anew.  I like to believe that we all have that chance, too.

May I take this moment to ask for forgiveness of anyone whom I may have hurt overtly or unintentionally over the course of this past year.  May I find forgiveness in my heart for those who have hurt me, either intentionally or without knowing, and may I find a way to leave any hurt behind.  May I do better, be kinder and love harder than I ever have before.  May I always remember to show gratitude for God and for all of the wonderful people that He has so graciously surrounded me with.

L'shanah tovah to everyone.  Happy new year.  May God inscribe and seal you and all of the people who you love in The Book of Life for another good and sweet year.  And may it be a good one for all of you...From my lips to God's ears.

As the Sun Sets on 2010

I am content.


I am peaceful.


I am loved.


I am free.


I am alone.




I am hurting.




I am safe.


I am wife.


I am daughter.


I am still sister.


I am mother.


I am still your mother.


I am aunt.


I am strong.


I am afraid.




I am plaintiff.




I am loyal.




I am friend.




I am defender.




I am rescuer.




I am Jewish.


I am happy.


I am a mess.


I am alive.


I am angel.


I am human.


I am blessed.


I am cursed.


I am angry.


I am forgiveness.


I am creative.


I am woman.


I am funny.


I. am. serious.


I am broken.


I am generous.




I am flawed.




I am compassionate.




I am driven.




I am breathing.




I am open.




I am honest.


I am grateful.


I am lost.


I am solitary.


I am friendly.


I am DNA.


I am water.


I am dust.




I am soul.




I am body.




I am willing.


I am kind.


I am here.


I am here.


I am here.


I am here.


I. am. here.


And I thank you for being here, in this moment, on this day, at this time, along with me.
And I would be honored if you might share with me, what are you?

Happy 2011.  

It's a Dog Life

Angel Daughter Number Four is one of those individuals who was born with a twinkle of absolute delight in her eyes.  She tends to live her days on the sunny side of life while spreading infectious joy to everyone around her.  She is my little sparkle and she can always make me laugh.   So when I heard her telling her friends, in the back seat of the car, that "she understands now, why dogs love to do this" I just had to turn around. 
And there she was, leaning her head out of the window allowing the cool breeze to flow through her hair, smiling, with a look of pure joy on her cute, little face.
Still giggling as a result of the adrenaline rush, she told her friends that they needed to try sticking their heads out of the window, too!
Then she caught me taking pictures of her, and the look above is the one that I recieved.  But I can take it.  I'm tough.  I have four children!   I can take it because I want not only for myself to remember these moments, but for her to remember them, as well.  Don't you ever wonder what it would be like to actually have someone document certain moments of your life.  There is so much that we forget.  So much minutia, so much that passes by without a second thought.  For me, it is a gift to be able to hold on to the little moments.
AD4 forgot about my picture taking, once again, and went back to her pure enjoyment of the wind blowing in her face and hair.
As quickly as the idea had occurred to her, she was finished and back to her more serious fourteen year old self.  But no matter, as long as the little girl who can relate to why a dog enjoys sticking his head out the window still comes out to play sometimes, I will be around to remind her that life is, indeed, joyful.

Happy,happy  fresh beginnings!  May the coming year bring health, love, joy, growth, found treasures, exciting journeys, old friendships, new friendships, family that loves and supports you, peace in the middle east, peace for our country, peace in your heart.

And can I just tell you how deep my gratitude for you truly lies.  I am thankful for each and every one of you.  The comments that you leave for me are like salves for my sometimes wounded heart.  Thank you...