To My Twenty Year Old

When I was twenty, the world was quite a different place.  No cellphones, no Internet, no twitter or Facebook or texting.  That was only twenty-seven years ago.  Twenty-seven short years.  Yet I can remember what it was like...The world was quieter then.  Much quieter.

You, my sweet Angel Daughter Number Two, you have grown up with the world and in doing so, you have been enabled with so many new advantages.  You live on your own in one of the nation's most beautiful cities.(although we still pay your bills:))  You attend an art school which is respected throughout the world as the best.  You have a clue, at the very young age of twenty, as to what you are going to be when you "grow-up".   You have familial support, friends, and a huge social network to cheer you on as you go.

But in addition to all of the advantages which you have grown up with, you also have lots of added stresses.  The world is so noisy, these days.  Over-stimulation is everywhere.  There is more pressure to perform and to perform at a level which at one time, in my time, was unheard of.  I mean, who knew that having a 4.0 GPA would no longer place someone at the top of their class in 2010?   Or that it would be necessary to be constantly in-touch, reachable, and available in order to succeed in business?  Or that if your life did not seem busier or more chaotic than someone else's, that you just are not working hard enough?

Oh my dear child, Daddy and I did not choose to raise you this way.  We did our best to instill the values of God, family and friendship into your life.  We fought hard against the pressures of peer pressure.(Yes, adults must deal with that, too.)  There were no team sports for you until high school, so that we would have weekends to spend together as a family.  There was no pressure to work up to somebody else's potential, only your own personal best.  We allowed you to run and play and laugh.  And yet the world, oh how the world has changed...

So as you enter another decade of your life, here is a list of things that I pray you will keep tucked away inside of your heart:

-Love always wins.

-Be courageous and always stand up to evil.

-Turn off the electronic devices when the ringing makes you crazy.  If people cannot get in touch with you in this exact moment, they will try again later.(I promise.)

-Exercise.  This is something that got you through your very active childhood.  You always had the need to move.  So start moving again.  Stretch, run, dance.  The natural release of endorphins will be the gift you receive.

-Let go.  Past relationships are just that.  History.  Don't feel that they must continue to be a part of your story.

-Listen to that small, still, inner-voice that tells you what to do, caution, or be.  It can be one of your truest allies.

-Listen to God, your angels, Uncle Robbie.  They will always be there to guide you if you allow them to.

-Stay creative.  There will be times when it will save your sanity.

-Understand that there are only about eight to ten people in this world who truly have your best interests at heart and treasure them.(Mom, Dad, your sisters, Pop-pop and Rita...)

-Remind yourself on a daily basis how lucky you are to have parents, a grandfather and sisters who take an interest in your life.

-Remain loyal to those few individuals forever.

-Be grateful that you were given a gift.  Never squander it or take it for granted.  Treat it with respect.

-Eat some vegetables:)

-Trust your own intuition.

-Take compliments.

-Don't take life so seriously.  There is plenty of time for that.

-Keep noticing the colors.

-Do not pollute your body with toxins.  Seriously.(see exercise.)

-Respect yourself.

-Dance.

  

And so my child, as I reflect upon your beautiful soul on your twentieth birthday, I must remind you of how incredibly special you are.  There is a light inside of you which makes others feel good about themselves.  You have the gift of being exceptionally lovely, while also being approachable and warm.  You make others want to know you, and in knowing you, they feel lucky.  That is a gift, sweet girl.  My Father(your Pop-Pop) once told me that I came across as the type of person who "people would always want to carry bags" for.  That is you, too.  Use it for good.  You have so much to look forward to, so much to achieve.

And whatever road you choose to take on this journey, you will always have a little team(and I do mean little, as we are mostly short people:)) to cover your back and lift you up.  Keep your inner light lit.

Happy birthday, Angel Daughter Number Two!!!  I love you.  Dad loves you.  Your sisters love you.  Life is good.

Words for a Younger Self

I miss my Angels.  I have known them for my entire life.  From the time that I was a very little girl, I knew that first and foremost, I wanted to be a Mommy.  And although I lived the first twenty-five years of my life without the physical presence of my children, I could still feel their essence and the fact that they would someday be.  I could feel that there were some beautiful souls who were waiting to come into the world who would call me Mom.  I did not really think too much about what else I had come here to do, because my initial calling was clear.  I was going to become a Mother.  

It began with Angel Daughter Number One.  She was conceived in 1986, two years after Mark and I had graduated from college and the year that the Mets won the World Series.  I remember this because my husband is a huge Mets fan and the night that they won the championship, I found out that I was pregnant.  We certainly had hit a home-run.  In 1987, AD1 came into the world after an excruciatingly long night of labor followed by a Cesarean-section.  Motherhood by fire.  We had a bit of a rough start together.  Breast-feeding was something that I was determined to do, since I felt like I had somehow failed at labor and delivery.  Silly me.  If I could go back and Mother my twenty-five year old self, I would tell her that that idea is complete rubbish.  I would tell her that it is not about how a baby enters this world, but the idea that the baby enters with love and security, that matters.  I would tell her that her determination to nourish her daughter through her own body was a very honorable thing to do.   I would tell her to be patient with herself because at twenty-five, there is still a lot of growing up to do.  I would give her a hug.

Two and a half years after Angel daughter Number One was born, Angel Daughter Number Two came into our family.  Born with a full head of dark hair, she was one of the most beautiful newborns I had ever seen.  My labor with AD2 was difficult, but gentler.  I understood more about what becoming a Mother meant.  When the doctor told me that I was going to have to have another C-section, I cried, but I allowed myself some slack.  I was learning that having a baby meant much more than an easy labor, followed by an easy recovery.  I realized after AD2's birth, that it did not matter how much my body had to endure in order to deliver my babies safely into this world, as long as the end result was a healthy, happy little being.  If I could go back and talk to my then twenty-seven year old self, I would tell her that I was very proud of how she was evolving into a Mother.  I would remind her of how much easier breast-feeding had become by baby number two because she had relaxed.  Without anyone available to properly teach me about how to be a Mother, I had taught myself by instinct and by faith.  
At age twenty-nine, I delivered Angel Daughter Number Three via a planned C-section.  After AD2 was born, my doctor was kind enough to record the reason for my failed natural deliveries which was simply because my pelvis was too small.  I was told that if I was a woman living forty years earlier who was trying to deliver a child, both my baby and I would have died during labor.  Plain and simple, I was not a failure.  My body was just different.  Angel Daughter Number Three came into this world on the first day of Spring.  It was a rainy March, but the brightness of this baby's spirit shined brightly when I held her close.  I was firmly entrenched in the job that I had always known I was meant for.  With AD3 came a certain amount of self-assured confidence that made me a better Mother.  AD3 made it simple for me to feel that way with her easy smile and deep belly-laughs.  I was a practiced mother with several years of good experience to draw from.  With AD3 came assurance and poise.  If I were to have a conversation with my twenty-nine year old self, I would tell her to relax more.  I would tell her that she is doing a fine job and that she should always honor her instincts when it comes to her children.  Too many people are apt to offer up unwanted or unwarranted advice, but not enough support.  As the mother of three, you already know what to do.  Walk through your days with the knowledge that you have done a wonderful job so far.
Angel Daughter Number Four showed up less than two years later.  I say "showed up" because she was a bit of a surprise.  We knew we wanted one more child, we were just not exactly sure about the timing.  AD4 made that decision for us.  She knows this and we joke about it.  She was the most welcome of surprises.  She joined our family in her own time and we are so grateful that she did.  She was also born by a planned C-section, very calmly.  She quietly made her entrance and then stared me right in the eyes as if to say, "I have been waiting patiently for this day."  The theme song from the Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, played quietly on the radio in the background.  Somebody was kind enough to bring this to our attention and I am so happy that they did.  When they swept my littlest Angel away from me to weigh her, clean her, etc., I thought about my three other Angels who were waiting at home.  I thought about my four little girls.  I knew we were finished having children, but I could not quite put the idea to rest.  It took us another couple of years to finalize the decision.  So what would I tell my thirty-one year old self if I could talk to her now?  I would tell her to be happy with her family of six.  I would tell her that she was doing what she was called to do by raising her daughters full-time.  I would let her know that her girls would turn out to be amazing women...Just as she had.  Five women(and one adorable, loving man) going through different stages of life, separately, but together.

So what would I tell my younger self, now that I finally have the time to put a complete thought together, once again.  Now that my youngest Angel is fifteen years old and my oldest is almost twenty-two?  What would I say knowing that I am quickly approaching a time when all four of my Angel Daughters will no longer reside with me under the same roof?  I would tell her to remember that even before her children were here, she could feel the essence of them.  I would tell her that  she knew that they would be joining her from a very spiritual place and that she would someday have to relinquish having them all to herself into a world where feeling their essences would have to suffice at times.  I would tell her that she should be secure in knowing that she has done her job well.

As my daughters grow up, year after year, I miss them.  I sometimes long to hear their voices, while stroking their hair.  But I know that the stronger and more independent that they become, the stronger and more independent that I will have to become.  And just as they invent themselves, so will I have to reinvent myself.  For life should not cease to transform just because we have accomplished one of our callings.

I would hope that my older self would tell my forty-six year old self that there will be many more acts to this play.  I would hope that she would tell me that I have so much more to accomplish, other callings to explore, many more births to attend to.  I would hope that she would look me in the eyes, while draping a cozy blanket softly around my shoulders.  That she would kiss me gently on the cheek and say, "I am so proud of the woman you will become."

*Just a reminder that you can still enter my gratitude giveaway.  Just go back to my previous post for instructions!

**Yesterday's giveaway is now closed.  Thanks so much for entering!  I will announce the winner by Saturday, March 21!

Learning to Expect and Accept the Changes/Happy Birthday, AD2

                                   *Joshua and Angel Daughter Number Two

Looking back on how far my Angel Daughters have come allows me to reflect upon how much each one of them has accomplished in a little bit less, or a little bit more than two decades of life.  To me, each one of them is a miracle.  A living, breathing, individual, each within their own right.  A product of the love that Mark and I felt for one another and the family which we hoped to someday create.  And when I look at Angel Daughter Number Two, I am a bit awed by the fact that I was just a year younger than she is now when I met the young man who would become my forever love.  And that the two of us, together, would create a family where there once wasn't one.  When I look at my four daughters, not only am I able to ruminate in all that they have become, but also, what I have become.  Now that they are transitioning into young women, our growth which has been intricately connected throughout the years, is loosening a bit.  Each one of my girls is learning to fly solo after spending their entire lives as a part of a group and whether I like to admit it or not, so am I.  As my Angels establish themselves as distinct entities, I must encourage myself to reexamine my own gifts and talents.  As I support each one of my Angels in their own endeavors, I must also learn to support new interests and possibilities for my own life.  In some ways, it's like giving birth all over again, only this time, the result will not be a tiny baby.  It will be a freshly preened set of wings which will contain new colors and new directions with which to take flight.  
Yesterday was the day that I gave birth to my second Angel daughter, nineteen years ago.  Happy birthday, baby!  Bringing AD1 into the world was a whole lot scarier and life-altering than was my experience with AD2.  Allowing AD1 to leave home and go to college was also a lot more anxiety-ridden than watching AD2 make that transition and somehow I suppose that allowing AD3 and 4 to spread their wings will be subsequently less traumatic for me(Sorry, my oldest Angel, I really only wanted the best for you).  But that is how life goes.  Something can seem extremely scary until we finally take the leap, and then we realize that it's not as trying as we thought it might be. 

Hence the leap from stage to stage of our lives.  Seems as if just when we become somewhat comfortable with one phase, the next one sneaks up on us and takes us by surprise.  Regardless of whether our life paths make us parents, or career people, or something else, the challenge is always in taking the leap and having the confidence to know that we will survive it.

Happy nineteenth birthday, sweet girl.  In this last year of your teenage years, I hope that you will look back on all of your accomplishments and know that there will be many, many more.  And regardless of where the path leads, always remember that wherever you are, that is exactly where you are meant to be.

Because This is What it's All About

We Know You'll Dance

Angel Daughter Number 2. Happy, happy birthday, my dear daughter.
From the moment that you entered our lives, we knew that our days would never be boring. There is a spark within your spirit which is both bold and contagious. You are a force of energy, yet you have a kind and sensitive soul. Thank you for blessing my life by being my daughter. I love you with all of my heart.