Blogging, Blessings and Blue

I have been asked by people who know that I blog, but who do not blog themselves, what I "get" from keeping an online, interactive journal. There seems to be a sort of mystique which surrounds the blogging world. One that is not easily understood by those who have little contact with these open little alcoves in cyberspace. To those individuals who do not understand, it seems odd that there are so many of us who are willing to share the events of our lives with seemingly total strangers. And I am sure that for a time, I was more like them. I did not understand. Even when I started my own blog a bit over two years ago, I wasn't sure exactly why I was doing it. I only knew that I wanted to write and express myself through pictures. I only knew that words were very important to me. I only knew that I wanted to start somewhere.

I began writing and the words just began to pour out. I wrote about the things that mattered to me. I wrote about my four Angel Daughters, my husband and our lives together. I wrote about sea glass and my walks on the beach. I wrote about the things that brought me joy, the things that caused me pain and the things that made me think. I wrote, because it gave me an outlet from which to sort out my life. And a very interesting thing happened. People began reading. As they began reading, they began leaving me comments. I was both surprised and delighted. The words which people took the time to leave here, left me feeling energized and understood. I followed those readers back to their own blogs.(The readers who have blogs, anyway.) Something very unexpected began to occur. Over time, friendships were forged. People whom I would most certainly never have the opportunity to meet became people who I began to care about, deeply. There was a benefit to blogging that I had never even considered. It made the world a smaller, more accessible place.

A couple of months ago, I had the unique pleasure of actually meeting one of my favorite blogging friends. Her blog name is Blue and if you are lucky enough to know her, you will most certainly recognize her lovely little heart signature whenever she comments. Even without it, she would stand out as her comments are always very kind and thoughtful. One day, I got an email from Blue saying that she would be doing a quick passthrough CA with her son and that she wanted to meet me. I immediately emailed her back and told her that I would LOVE to meet her so that I could finally give her that hug in person. We made some plans to meet up the next day at the beach. Because of my illness, I am a very, very, very late riser, so by the time I woke up, my husband, Mark, and Blue had talked several times. Blue wanted to take her son to the beach, so we decided that we would meet down there. Walking down the beach, I spotted Blue, right away. It was like getting together with someone who I had met hundreds of times before. I noticed Blue in the distance wearing a lovely pink skirt, a white tee-shirt, and a floppy white hat on her head. She was barefoot, dancing in and out of the waves taking pictures of her adorable son. As I walked on the beach towards them, I noticed a piece of sky-blue sea glass on the sand. I tucked it in my pocket as I picked up the pace. Blue noticed me when I was about twenty feet away. We made our way towards one another. The hug we shared was heartfelt and genuine. For the next couple of hours, we sat and chatted as we watched her son playing in the waves. I gave her the piece of light blue sea glass that I found because it matched her eyes. Sitting and talking with Blue felt like reconnecting with an old friend. Blue's son was just precious. He was a natural in the water and talking to him made me laugh in a way that only a child can make you laugh. That pile of seaweed in the picture behind us is a pile that Blue's son collected from the ocean floor. With strength and determination, he schlepped huge amounts of seaweed out of the water and onto the sand. The tenacity of children...

When it was time to say good-bye, I asked Blue's son to take a picture for us. He took about fifteen which made us all laugh.

So how do a nice, little Jewish girl from California(New York, originally) and a sweet, loving Mormon girl from Utah(California, originally) find one another? Blogging. Surreal, somewhat futuristic, but not so far-fetched when you actually "get" it.
Once upon a time, I received the most glorious gift from Blue. After reading about my connection with sea glass, she put together a collection which she collected on the beach in Hawaii. When I unexpectedly received it in the mail one day, I was overwhelmed by Blue's kindness. For those individuals who do not understand what might possibly be gained from blogging, the answers are many. But for now, I will just start with one simple word which anyone can understand...A benefit that I, myself, never really expected, but will forever be changed by. Friendship.

Learning to Transform

Summer to summer.  July 4th to July 4th.  Birthday to birthday.  In the approximately 365 days since the summer of 2008, I have spent nearly one third of those days walking the beaches.  Through summer crowds, into autumn heat spells, which led to winter solitude and then springtime renewal, I walked my way into the summer of 2009.  Searching...  Searching for answers, searching for meaning and searching for seaglass.  Some of it I found, and some of it found me, yet much of it is still so elusive. But still, I continue to search.

Over the course of the past year, I have come upon and have collected hundreds of pieces of seaglass.  Each tiny piece, each broken shard has been smoothed over and frosted by decades in the ocean.  Quite a tumultuous existence being broken-down and then transformed by the sea.  Yet when the seaglass makes its way to the shoreline, its appearance is without the jagged edges that are inherent in a broken piece of glass.  The difficult journey that brought the weathered piece of glass from its original form, to the depths of the ocean, and then back to the beach, has created a uniquely beautiful gem which is like no other.  A piece of broken glass tossed away, disregarded, dangerous and angry looking, returns in another incarnation as a treasure.

I have always held the Buddhist philosophy that life is suffering or pain.  It is one of the four noble truths, but it has been only loosely translated because there is no literal translation for the word "dukkha" which is the original word that the Buddha used.  Because there is no literal, or single translation for the word dukkha, this noble truth has taken on a very negative connotation.  Yet from my extremely "layperson" point of view, what I have come to believe is that the word "suffering" could be replaced by the word stressful or the word painful, or even the word joyous.  The important thing to glean from this philosophy is that life is transient.  Suffering, pain and happiness are all impermanent conditions.  In other words, it is perfectly fine to experience a variety of feelings throughout our days.  The important thing is to never cling to any of them.  Like a shard of glass dropped into the ocean, we are set forth into this life to walk a certain journey and throughout that journey, we are molded, formed, transformed, battered, smoothed out and transformed again.  It is only in the end that the true essence of our treasures are borne out to the surface.  We are constantly changing, evolving and transforming into who we will become.  It is only by allowing this process to occur, by not clinging to any of the phases of our transformation, that we can truly become the gem that we are meant to be.  Life is suffering.  Life is joyful.  Life is pain.  Life is _ _ _ , you fill in the blanks.

As the road to another summer rises up to join me, I will continue walking.  I will continue searching and I will continue to open up my soul to the impermanence of things.  And as a part of this journey, I will admit, out loud, that I am finally ready to reclaim a part of me that was so immersed in the pained and broken-downness of the past eighteen months that I was often getting dragged down by the waves.  Like a piece of seaglass or some words of wisdom taught by the Buddha, it is my hope to become unattached from my original form or belief, and into a smoother, more refined version of who I can be.

A heartfelt thank you for all of the lovely birthday wishes.  Your words of wisdom, thoughts and kindnesses touched my spirit in a way that made me feel very special.  Your comments are always so appreciated and do not go unnoticed.  And thank you to Maria-Therese's(afiori) readers for stopping by!  I do hope that you will visit again.

Gifts From the Sea

Walking along the shoreline, one dreary afternoon a few months ago, I spotted something much larger and much bluer than the pieces of seaglass that I typically come across on my weekend journeys.  The beaches on which I do my searching are neither known for, nor do they usually yield large or unusual pieces of seaglass and so, I am always quite happy with whatever I am able to find during my walks.  But every now and then, something extraordinary will turn up and I must shake my head with thoughts of "Why me?  Why this moment?"  And I feel lucky, as my spirit quietly jumps up and down inside of my body, trying not to let anyone else who might be glancing in my direction see that I am secretly ecstatic.  That I am secretly lucky.  Is it more that I think that they will run up behind me, taking me down at the knees in order to steal my special find?  Or is it my own inner-voice trying to save me from becoming too excited about something that might surely disappoint me?  That it won't really end up being what my eyes have perceived I have seen.  My intuition would tell me that it is a little bit of both.  The need to not display too outwardly, the stroke of luck that I have just come upon, as well as the self-protective mechanism which often kicks in when we feel we might have just momentarily gotten a little too lucky.

Yet we are so willing to accept the negative.  We are so willing to accept the strokes of bad luck or misfortune.  Somehow we view life's school of hard knocks as something we deserve, while perceiving the good fortune that comes our way as undeserved or unearned.  I have become somewhat of an expert at this, over the past several years, not questioning the unfairness of my life, but readily wondering what I have done to earn the "lucky" parts.  Wondering how I got so lucky in finding the right man and having the right children while building the right life for ourselves, yet never questioning why I must live with a chronic illness, or as a brotherless sister.  Why is it okay to question the positive things that happen as if we are undeserving, but then accept the negatives as though we had them coming?  The more I think about it, the stupider it sounds.  Yet it is a mindset which is difficult to change.  To admit that we do deserve all of the good that comes into our lives and that sometimes, just sometimes, we have the absolute right to question the crap.

After doing a little research, I found out that the large piece of cobalt seaglass which washed up right in front of me on the shore, came from a bottle which was produced during the years 1900-1915.  Cobalt bottles were used mainly for medicines which is why finding even a tiny shard from a cobalt bottle is fairly rare.  Somehow, and in someway, this little remnant found its way over oceans and time and unknown depths to the coastline right as a wave carried it onto the shore just below my feet.  My feet!  And guess what?  Nobody tried to take me down at the knees for getting excited about it.  Not even God.

So the next time something wonderfully unexpected happens, try something new.  Consider it a gift from The Universe or God or even your higher-self.  And instead of saying, "Why me?  What did I do in order to deserve such good fortune?", just try saying, "Thank you".  I wonder what might happen if we all decided to give ourselves the credit which we truly deserve and then reverently just accepted it.

May you allow yourself to openly and freely accept the good which can sometimes wash up in the waves of your life, without wondering why.  May you give yourself some credit for the good, while understanding the balance which will always exist.  And may you accept the gifts, without trying to tell yourself that you do not deserve them.  You do.

The Gifts of Angels

I was reading a post by the incredibly gifted Irene today and it reminded me about something that I have wanted to share for the past couple of weeks.  Irene(a gifted poet and writer) received a little gift from one of her blogging friends and was extremely touched by the kindness.  She wrote about the loving thoughtfulness of bloggers and how it has impacted her life.  I must concur.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a little package in the mail.  The return address was from one of my favorite all-time blogging friends, Blue.  Many of you may know and recognize her.  She suspended writing on her blog for the past several months, but she has consistently stayed in touch which I am very, very happy about.  She is one of those individuals who always seems to have the kindest of words to share.  Her comments always concluded with a little heart symbol that always made me smile.  Blue is someone who is worth knowing.  She is kind-hearted, inspirational, beautiful and a wonderful writer and photographer.  *If she ever decides to start writing on her blog again, I will let you know.  

When I opened the package that Blue sent me, I found the little gold box pictured above.  Slowly, I untied the ribbon which was so lovingly placed, took off the lid.  My breath caught at the sight of the precious heart stone which was gently packed inside.  If you look at it closely, you will see that there is still bits of sand within the crevices of the heart.  I was so moved by the thought that Blue found this beautiful rock for me.
And then I removed the top layer of cotton to discover what was packed beneath.  Seaglass and seashells.  Recently, Blue went to Hawaii to visit with her sister and while walking on the beach, not only did she care enough to remember that I adore seaglass, but she spent the time to collect some for me.  I cannot tell you how this makes me feel.  It is indescribable.  
On the bottom of the box was a little hand-written note which I didn't discover until later on.  Another gift, discovered and cherished.  I was so moved by Blue's kindness.
I have carried the little gold box with me, back and forth to the beach.  Meticulously going through each small piece of beach ephemera, holding them in my hands and carefully placing them back into the box until the next time.  A special gift from a friend who I have never met personally, yet one of the most thoughtful presents that I have ever received in my life.  How does that happen?  We connect with someone who we have never met face to face, yet the connection is very heartfelt and true.

You all do that to me with your words, your comments, and your emails.  Each one is like a little box that I get to unwrap whenever I want or need to.  Thank you, Blue.  Thank you to my very special readers. 
Now I must introduce you to the latest little angel in our family.  This is two month old Micah.  We adopted him on Tuesday from a wonderful rescue organization.  It has taken us several months to find the right angel for our family because we take animal adoption very seriously.  There are way too many unwanted and unloved pets out there who are waiting for their forever homes.  The numbers are staggering.  They are in the millions.
This is our little starfish on the beach.  If you haven't heard that story, I promise to share it with you in a few days.  His story began very heartbreakingly, but because of some incredibly caring individuals with enormous hearts, it will not end that way.
As I ready myself for sleep, Micah is resting happily between Mark and I on our bed.  Becca, our sweet ten year old pup is sleeping sweetly on her bed to my other side.  My two youngest Angel Daughters are tucked safely in their beds.  My strongest prayers are with each one of my oldest Angel Daughters, as they navigate the world on adult-child terms.  Life is such a gift.  

I will be posting the information about the Energy Muse bracelet gratitude giveaway on Sunday.  I chose and ordered the special bracelet today and it is beautiful.  I know that it will end up on the wrist of the person who needs it the most, right now.  Life is like that.

Must snuggle with Micah and sleep now...

*Okay, so I just went to link my blog with Blue's blog and SHE'S BACK!!!!  Can I just say how happy I am.  Please pay her a visit.  You will meet one of the nicest bloggers on the web.  Blue, you snuck back in on me, silly rabbit!  I am so happy that you have returned!