The Homes Have Eyes

Somewhere in Mission Viejo, CA

There are just too many ways to make fun of this garish display of excess in action.  There is even music being blasted out of loud speakers to accompany the display.  I must say that if I lived anywhere in the nearby vicinity of this home, no jury would convict me for what I might do come December 30th, so thank goodness I do not.  It is kind of cool to look at once or twice and it definitely proves who has the biggest one on the block, but still, in some ways all I can do is stare at it and think about what the people who live inside of this house must be really feeling.(Sorry, balebusta, darling, about the psych reference;)  Just had to.)  Mark and I went out to dinner with Angel Daughters Three and Four last night, and afterwards, they insisted on driving us past this well-lit home.  Somehow, I am positive that almost every neighborhood in America must have a home or several similar to this one, but witnessing this up close and personal really made me think about this time of the year and the amount of excess that takes place in the face of all of the inner-sadness and longing that so many individuals are experiencing right now.  A happy veneer in the face of spending far more money than people should be spending at a time of year when the weather is colder, the days are shorter so that daylight and vitamin D are in scarce supply, and we are expected to walk around humming happy little tunes about a fat man, jingling bells and other assorted merriments over sung by way too many covers.  Should I just say bah-humbug and get it over with now?

What I guess I am really trying to say is this.  I get it.  For several weeks now, I have been coping with increased physical pain which becomes increased emotional pain which then becomes a longing for what I have lost.  And then, I look around at everything all wrapped up in its bright, shiny packaging to wonder why I am feeling so blue.  Why there seems to be an underlying tone of sadness in so many of the people who I come across on a daily basis, and even in the blogs that I read.  

San Clemente Pier

In many ways, this photo that I took several months ago, more accurately depicts the inner turmoil that is churned up during these winter months than the overabundance of colored lights and catchy tunes playing round and round wherever we go.  It can be absolutely dizzying.  Some of it might be caused by the forced cheer that we are supposed to pretend is real even if we aren't really feeling it, but what I truly believe is that this time of year causes a deep longing for those whom we miss.  The people who we love who are no longer here to share life alongside of us.  The memories of people we have loved and lost.  It's very difficult, especially if some of the people who you loved the most are no longer around.  And there are so many reminders.  So many reminders.  For me, this year at Chanukah will mark the fourth year since I last spent time with my brother while he was alive.  The last time that I felt his chin resting on the top of my head as he embraced me in one of his big bear hugs.  The last time that we laughed out loud together.  The last time that we sat back and watched as our six daughters played together like a room full of miracles.  I will never forget the last gift that I gave him, Steve Martin's biography, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life.  I wonder if he even had the chance to read it before he died.  I loved to make him laugh.

Heaven

For everyone else who might be struggling with the pain of loss during this time of the year;

I send you peace.  And love.  Lots and lots of love.

And I pray that for every moment of grief that you might feel, you also feel a moment of gratitude for all that you still do have.  For the people who you can still hug, for the time that you can still spend, for the laughter that you can still share.  For every memory, I hope that you will be able to create a new one with the people who are still here.  The people who love on you, the people who encourage you, the people who support you, the people who lift you up.  It is so important to remember that if we put too much focus on what we have lost, we also lose sight of what is standing squarely right in front of us.

So tonight, go take a ride in the car with some people that you love.  See if you can find the most ostentatious house in the neighborhood and when you do, go ahead and send me a picture of yourself standing right in front of it.(We can have a contest to see whose is bigger!)  I promise to post it here.  Because you are a part of my now, as I hope that I am a part of yours.  And this is how it should be.  If we cannot make one another smile, then what the heck else is there?

The Stuff That Makes it Worth the Effort

Going back in time around thirty seven years years, I met this little Italian girl with big brown eyes and a dangerously contagious laugh.  Being a little Jewish girl who absolutely loved to laugh, we giggled our way into a friendship which has spanned boyfriends(most better forgotten), stubborn tiffs, husbands, 3000 miles and children.(seven to be exact, several foster kids, two son-in-laws to date, and three beautiful grandbabies-hers, but she shares)  We grew up together and now, God willing, we will continue to grow old together  We might not share ethnicity or DNA or even the same home state(she is now in Nevada), but we do share a history and to me, that is what it really takes to be a family.  These people are my family.

Last weekend, they came out to California to visit the happiest place on earth.  They also came to introduce us to baby Kasen who also happens to be a cousin of baby Scarletts!  You might remember Scarlett from a few posts back.  She is the precious baby who came to see us a few weeks ago.  I have been in baby heaven all summer thanks to Donna's beautiful daughters.  First Scarlett,  and then Kasen and his big sister whom we adore, Aubri.  We love babies!

AD4 fell hard and fast for baby Kasen and he was just as smitten with her.  Kasen is an extremely happy little boy with gorgeous brown eyes and a contagious belly-laugh.(seems like genetics are definitely at work here)  It was both beautiful and bittersweet to watch the relationship that was forming between my youngest Angel Daughter and my oldest friend's sweet grandson.  It brought to mind "the circle of life" and all of that weepy, nostalgic stuff but when we get together, there is mostly only laughter.

And since laughter is what gets us through it all, Lord knows that none of us take ourselves too seriously!

Over the past couple of years, AD3 and AD4 have grown to have not only a sibling relationship, but a lovely friendship, as well.  There have been times over the years when I feared that these two might not have found their way to a common ground.  They are the closest in age of my four Angel Daughters as they were born only twenty-two months apart and there are times when their chronological ages are only one year apart.  AD3 was less than two years old when AD4 was born.  I think that was very hard on her.  She was still just a baby and suddenly, an even smaller and needier baby entered our family.  Their personalities are quite different which complicated things even more.  AD3 is more reserved, cautious and refined.  She likes to feel familiar with her surroundings before she feels totally comfortable in expressing who she is.  AD4 is gregarious, outgoing and quite bold.  Whereas AD3 might tentatively enter a situation testing the waters until she takes in the mood of the room, AD4 will bebop right in with a big smile on her face and an extended hand.  In high school, AD3 followed both AD1, who was an actor in the Theatre department and AD2, who was a cheerleader.  She could not seem to immediately find a place for herself.  Enter outgoing sister number four who she had to drive to school everyday.  The equation just became more complicated.  But now, their relationship is best described as it appears in the photo right above.  They laugh together.  They have a lot of inside jokes that I am not privy to...Hmpph!  They introduce each other to different music and they meet each other for lunch.  They are best friends.

As parents, we want our children to appreciate one another in the same ways that we appreciate each and every one of our own babies.  We want them to not only love each other, but also, to like each other.  Unfortunately, that is not always the way that things work out.  Sometimes we just have to allow things to evolve on their own.  Yes, we must nurture what is already there and set a great example, but personalities, birth order, and preferences all come into play in the development of a relationship.  Our children are really no different than the rest of the world.  They cannot be forced to like each other.  These two beauties are an example of how things can transition naturally from a familial relationship into a true and lasting friendship.  I am so proud of them, so proud of all four of my girls.  In spite of their differences, or maybe in light of them, there is a bond between these girls which transcends the bond of similar DNA.  What I have learned, as their momma and as the sister of only one brother who is now gone, is that the love between siblings is usually a given.  It is the like part that must be cultivated in a relationship that is separate from the parents.  It might be a tough one for parents to let go of, but when it happens on its own, it is definitely something that is worth the effort.

This is Donna's oldest daughter and Kasen and Aubri's momma.  The beautiful little blonde haired, blue-eyed impish angel is Aubri, Kasen's big sister, Scarlett's big-girl cousin.  Aubri looks a lot like her daddy.

Kasen(I had to get one with the boo-hoo face), is mommy all the way.  How does that happen?  I guess it happens in the same way that personalities are determined.  Plain old genetics and a bit of nature versus nurture thrown in for good measure.  As I watched Aubri going through the "that baby can do anything and make everyone laugh, why can't I?" stage, I thought about how difficult it can be for siblings to determine their places in the world.  We all have combinations of qualities that make us extraordinary and unique, however, it is usually what somebody else has that we seem to focus upon.  Part of our job as parents is doing our very best to try not to compare our children's differences.  They spend enough time doing this themselves and they do not need us to shine a bright light upon them.  Rather than comparing, it is best for us to bolster the diverse attributes and to enjoy and embrace the differences.

Growing up, people often mistook Donna and I for sisters.  We were even asked if we were twins on occasion!  The truth is that we sometimes argued like sisters but, we always came back to each other.  Always.  We embraced our differences and enjoyed our similarities.  Aubri is learning how to be a sister now.  She is also learning that family can also be chosen and that, is a beautiful lesson.

I love the way that Aubri wrapped her sweet little arms around our necks.  To feel that precious hand resting on my neck, was to feel unconditional, uninhibited love and in some ways, it reminded me as to why thirty-seven years of friendship has absolutely been worth the effort that it can sometimes take to make a friendship last.  All relationships take effort and work and even blood, sweat and sometimes, tears.  But to have someone who is still hanging around after knowing me for thirty-seven years, from teenage hormones to peri-menopause, that is definitely what makes it all worth the effort.  And if we make it for another thirty-seven plus years, OY VEY, are we going to be cranky with each other!


I wish that for my girls.  I wish that for Donna and Keith's children and grandchildren.  And I wish that for you.


*As an aside to this post, if you look at this picture carefully(or not so carefully as Jacob pointed out), it almost appears as if Donna's arm which is wrapped around Aubri is attached to Keith and that Keith's baby hand is resting on Mark's neck.  We all found this very, very funny(except for maybe, Keith, who is just a tiny bit self-conscious about his baby-hands) which is yet another reason why this friendship works so well.  We try not to make fun of Keith's baby-hands, but sometimes it's just hard not to...

The Things Which Help us Through

After so many of us received such incredibly sad news recently, about the passing of CJ Twomey, it is hard to know where to begin again.  The crushing news of the death of this twenty year old airman has left a huge hole in the hearts of so many, but especially his mom, Hallie, his dad, John and his younger brother, Connor.  CJ was a hero in life and he remains one in death, as his parents made the heroic decision to donate CJ's organs to save the lives of many, many others.  56 individuals will directly benefit from Hallie and John's brave decision.  Countless others will have another day with someone they love because of their incredible gift of life.  If you have a moment, please stop by Hallie's blog and leave her a note of support.

So the reason behind indulging myself with the photos of these gorgeous, little flower girls is because life must go on.  Mark, myself, our Angel Daughters, and their boyfriends attended the wedding of my oldest friend's second daughter, this past weekend.  Donna and I have known each other since we were twelve years old.  We have remained constant in each other's lives throughout so much.  This is something that becomes more and more important to me with each passing year because Donna knows my history and I know hers.  We can say to one another, "Do you remember when..." and we do.  I know that most of us could use a dose of life affirmation, right now, so please enjoy.

Donna's grandbaby(the angel on the left, my little great-niece number one) just turned two.  Her beautiful cousin is three and a half.  Notice who is leading the way...

Oh no, looks as if somebody has an itch!

No problem!  By the way, you must look at the top of these photos at the adults who are behind the fence watching the girls.  Priceless!

Somebody is not moving fast enough...

Uh-oh!

There she goes on her own!

But her cousin catches up.

She becomes fascinated by the candle.

And the flower petals...

They made it that whole way!

Grandma shows them where to go next, as the proud groom stands by waiting for his lovely bride.

My beautiful little great-niece finds the most comfortable spot possible.  Her daddy's lap.

Love and blessings to all,
Debbie

Mi Familia

This little angel girl celebrated her second birthday this past weekend.  She is the granddaughter of one of my oldest and dearest friends.  And since our children have always called her and her husband, Aunt Donna and Uncle Keith, and their children have always called us Auntie Deb and Uncle Mark, that makes me a great-auntie!  This is a job that I take very seriously, so when I received an email from Donna inviting us to celebrate great-angel niece number one's second birthday at Disneyland, I rounded up my crew of angels and off we went!  Since we live a state away, we don't always get to see each other as much as we would like to, but several times a year, this very loud, very rambunctious group joins forces to share as much joy and love as we can muster.  Great-Angel Niece Number One is the latest addition to our boisterous bunch!

The cutest thing was that as soon as the cake with the candles arrived and the Birthday song had been sung, Great-Angel Niece Number One knew just what to do.  She took a deep breath and blew...

And blew...

Until the two little candles on her cake went out.  The look on her adorable face...Priceless.

Jasmine stopped by to sign G-ANiece1's little autograph book.

Then they posed for a picture together.  Aren't they beautiful?!?!?

Dale of Chip and Dale stopped by to say hello.  Angel Daughter Number One patiently posed for a picture for her momma, as Joey poked fun at her.  Goofy got revenge on him later by marrying him to his new girlfriend.

Great-Angel Niece Number One's mommy and daddy had the best time.  I still cannot believe that they are parents.  The time, oh, where does the time go?

Angel Daughter Number Three posed demurely for a picture with Aladdin.  Too cute!

Goofy was the star.  He made us all laugh with his silly antics.  Here are three of my angel daughters with Goofy.  Unfortunately, AD2 was too busy at school, so she was not able to join us:(  We missed her very much.

Donna and Keith have been gracious enough to open their home and their hearts to foster children.  Lina, this beautiful little sweetie is two years old.  She has been with them for a couple of months and will hopefully be reunified with her own momma within the next six months.  AD1 really took to her.  They spent a lot of time playing and snuggling with each other.  I just know that whenever AD1 becomes a mommy, she will be such a great one.(But we can wait a few years for that:))

AD4 and GAN1 love playing with each other.  When GAN1 was born, AD4 just loved to sit and hold her.

Here are most of the girls, and Minnie Mouse.(AD4 is missing from the picture.)  There were several different cameras going at the same time which explains why we are looking in different directions.  On the left are Donna(middle), her two daughters and Great-Angel Niece Number One.(Her mommy is on the left.)  Next to Minnie is Donna's son's girlfriend, Angel Daughter Number Three, Me, AD1 and baby Lina.  We had a wonderful visit and I cannot wait to see them again in a month for their second daughter's wedding!

Last night, I made dinner for my family and a couple of AD2's old high school friends who I adore.  AD3 and her boyfriend, Jacob, usually make funny faces at me when I try to take their picture.  I can tell that Jacob really wants to make a face at me here, but he is being a good boy!

We had a really nice time with these silly kids!  I love a noisy dinner table with lots of laughter and conversation.  The more friends, the better.

Angel Daughter Number Two made it down from Pasadena for dinner.  These guys have been friends for years.  Chelsea is such a sweet girl.  Blake and AD2 have been very good friends since middle school.  Last night he told us that he signed up for The Navy Seals and will be leaving in September for Chicago to begin his training.  He is signed up for six years.  I pray for his safety and his strength.  He is such a wonderful young man and we will miss him very much.  So many brave young men and women volunteer to serve our country.  Two others that I know are Nessie's son, Michael and Hallie's son, CJ.  Their service and dedication to this country should be admired and appreciated.

After dinner, the kids played with our giant pup, Micah, on the floor.  He truly is a gentle boy.  There is nothing that he likes better than to be the center of attention.  He LOVES his people so much that you can just see it in his expressive eyes.  People say that he was very lucky to be rescued and adopted by our family, but WE are the lucky ones to have him as a part of our pack.  He is such a good boy.

As I sit here reflecting on the lovely weekend that we had and how much I love all of these people, I am reminded that the word "family" does not always have to mean those who are connected by a bloodline. For me, it has come to include people whom I have grown to love over the years.  People who are there for the good times and the bad.  In sickness and in health...Hey, that's sort of like a marriage.  We can choose the person who we would like to spend the rest of our life with and they become family to us.  To me, I chose my own sister when I was twelve years old.  She is not my sister by birth, but my sister by choice and through it all, Donna, her husband Keith(who I have also known since high school) and her children and grandchildren ARE family to us.  Donna and I grew up together and now we will grow old together.  And as the sun sets on this beautiful day, my heart is filled with the knowing...

Blogging, Blessings and Blue

I have been asked by people who know that I blog, but who do not blog themselves, what I "get" from keeping an online, interactive journal. There seems to be a sort of mystique which surrounds the blogging world. One that is not easily understood by those who have little contact with these open little alcoves in cyberspace. To those individuals who do not understand, it seems odd that there are so many of us who are willing to share the events of our lives with seemingly total strangers. And I am sure that for a time, I was more like them. I did not understand. Even when I started my own blog a bit over two years ago, I wasn't sure exactly why I was doing it. I only knew that I wanted to write and express myself through pictures. I only knew that words were very important to me. I only knew that I wanted to start somewhere.

I began writing and the words just began to pour out. I wrote about the things that mattered to me. I wrote about my four Angel Daughters, my husband and our lives together. I wrote about sea glass and my walks on the beach. I wrote about the things that brought me joy, the things that caused me pain and the things that made me think. I wrote, because it gave me an outlet from which to sort out my life. And a very interesting thing happened. People began reading. As they began reading, they began leaving me comments. I was both surprised and delighted. The words which people took the time to leave here, left me feeling energized and understood. I followed those readers back to their own blogs.(The readers who have blogs, anyway.) Something very unexpected began to occur. Over time, friendships were forged. People whom I would most certainly never have the opportunity to meet became people who I began to care about, deeply. There was a benefit to blogging that I had never even considered. It made the world a smaller, more accessible place.

A couple of months ago, I had the unique pleasure of actually meeting one of my favorite blogging friends. Her blog name is Blue and if you are lucky enough to know her, you will most certainly recognize her lovely little heart signature whenever she comments. Even without it, she would stand out as her comments are always very kind and thoughtful. One day, I got an email from Blue saying that she would be doing a quick passthrough CA with her son and that she wanted to meet me. I immediately emailed her back and told her that I would LOVE to meet her so that I could finally give her that hug in person. We made some plans to meet up the next day at the beach. Because of my illness, I am a very, very, very late riser, so by the time I woke up, my husband, Mark, and Blue had talked several times. Blue wanted to take her son to the beach, so we decided that we would meet down there. Walking down the beach, I spotted Blue, right away. It was like getting together with someone who I had met hundreds of times before. I noticed Blue in the distance wearing a lovely pink skirt, a white tee-shirt, and a floppy white hat on her head. She was barefoot, dancing in and out of the waves taking pictures of her adorable son. As I walked on the beach towards them, I noticed a piece of sky-blue sea glass on the sand. I tucked it in my pocket as I picked up the pace. Blue noticed me when I was about twenty feet away. We made our way towards one another. The hug we shared was heartfelt and genuine. For the next couple of hours, we sat and chatted as we watched her son playing in the waves. I gave her the piece of light blue sea glass that I found because it matched her eyes. Sitting and talking with Blue felt like reconnecting with an old friend. Blue's son was just precious. He was a natural in the water and talking to him made me laugh in a way that only a child can make you laugh. That pile of seaweed in the picture behind us is a pile that Blue's son collected from the ocean floor. With strength and determination, he schlepped huge amounts of seaweed out of the water and onto the sand. The tenacity of children...

When it was time to say good-bye, I asked Blue's son to take a picture for us. He took about fifteen which made us all laugh.

So how do a nice, little Jewish girl from California(New York, originally) and a sweet, loving Mormon girl from Utah(California, originally) find one another? Blogging. Surreal, somewhat futuristic, but not so far-fetched when you actually "get" it.
Once upon a time, I received the most glorious gift from Blue. After reading about my connection with sea glass, she put together a collection which she collected on the beach in Hawaii. When I unexpectedly received it in the mail one day, I was overwhelmed by Blue's kindness. For those individuals who do not understand what might possibly be gained from blogging, the answers are many. But for now, I will just start with one simple word which anyone can understand...A benefit that I, myself, never really expected, but will forever be changed by. Friendship.

Calling All Angels

I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I see us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no safe place and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all you angels

-Angels Baseball theme song by Train

The Four Angels Momma baseball team happens to be The Anaheim Angels.  If you have ever seen the 1994 movie, Angels in the Outfield, then you are already familiar with a wonderful story of hope and faith.  I like that our local team was the inspiration for such a wonderful movie.  I love that our team is called The Angels!(Even though Mark is also a huge Mets fan and that AD1 used to sleep with a stuffed pillow we called Mr. Met.)  Mark has taken our Angels to a countless number of games.  Angel Daughter Number Two is in the process of auditioning for a position in which she would represent the team with her incredible spirit.  Although I don't attend as many games with my family as I would like to be able to, I do enjoy the spirit and the camaraderie that having a "family" team initiates.  I love listening to Mark and the girls talk about the team and who their favorite players are.  I love the bonding that naturally occurs as they cheer for their team.  My husband is, and always has been, an absolute jock, so it is nice knowing that he has daughters who understand that love.

Several months ago, Mark and I attended a fundraiser for our synagogue.  As part of the live auction, someone donated their box for an Angel's game.  Knowing how much Mark and our Angels love going to the games, my paddle(the one that is raised to bid on something) somehow got very involved in the bidding.  By the end of the auction, we were the proud owners of twelve tickets in a private box.  It was an absolute win-win situation!  We were able to support our temple, while also supporting our home team!  I love it when that happens.  
Here I am, standing in the very best spot in the whole world.(which could be anywhere, as far as I'm concerned!)  Surrounded by my Angels.  As they get older and become more involved in their own lives, these moments sometimes become too few and far between.  When I am with my family, everything feels right with the world.
Their love for one another becomes more and more apparent, the older they become.  Watching them together, as a group, reminds me that Mark and I have done what we came here to do.  We have created a loving family and although life is not without some very rough spots, we can get through it if we stick together.
One of my freshman angels!  I have two right now, as AD2 is a college freshman and AD4 is a High School freshman.  I miss my college girls so much when they are at school.
In the back row, a couple of AD3's Angel friends sit next to her.  Next to AD3 is "T", AD1's sweet Angel roommate(our daughter, when she is away from her parents who live in Oregon),and AD 1 and her lovely boyfriend, The Cheesmiester.

In the front row is AD2's adorable, funny roommate, AD2 and then AD4's beautiful Angel friend and AD4.  I love that AD2's roommate felt comfortable enough with us to ham it up in front of the camera!  She fits right in with our silly family.

You can see my love sitting up there in the background, focusing on the game.
I drive them a bit crazy with the camera, but they have learned that if they just grin and bear it(Get it?  Grin and bear it...tee-hee.), then I will go away faster.
AD1 and The Cheesemeister.  They are too cute.(We missed you, Joshua.)
AD4 and her Angel friend.

AD3 displaying her team spirit!
And what made the night even better was that the Angels rallied and beat the Rangers 7-5!  It was an awesome game.
Did I mention how much I love my Angels and their wonderful Angel friends?  It makes me happy to see them so happy.(T, things will get easier, I promise, dear one.  Please be gentle with yourself.)

May you find moments to enjoy and fully enjoy the moments when you find them.  May your own angels surround you.  May you feel their embrace.  May you listen to their whispers whether they come from an earthly angel or on the barely noticed feathery wisps of a passing breeze.