Cancer Sucks Which is Why I am Choosing to be Crude This Time

I am here.  And I must share a bit about where I have been for the past several days and why it has been so difficult for me to come up with words and why my heart is constantly breaking into a billion, trillion pieces but how those shattered pieces are still very much alive and living in the people who now own them.

This is Jack.  For those of you who might have missed my previous posts about this angel boy or for those of you whom I have more recently come to know, Jack is a nine and a half year old boy who has been living with cancer, neuroblastoma, for far too many years of his life.  For those of you who took Jack into your own hearts at first sight, thank you.  Your thoughts and prayers and encouragement for Jack's mothers have helped to hold them up when all they wanted to do was melt into a puddle on the ground beneath their own feet.  First diagnosed at age three and then again, at age eight, Jack has fought a battle that most of us will never have to endure in an entire lifetime.(God willing.)  Whenever I say that I am fighting the good fight, this amazing young angel shows up in my mind's eye and gives me the power to fight even harder.  For HE has truly fought and continues to fight, The Good Fight.  He has done so with bravery and resilience and more courage than I could ever begin to even claim to have.  He has done so with a love for life that far too many healthy individuals take for granted even on their best days.  He has done so with a heart so huge that it humbles me to know that it can still fit within his tiny, cancer ravaged body.

We have known Jack since well before he was born.  His mommy has been a part of our lives for so many years.  She was a teacher in the school that my daughters attended.  Angel Daughter Number One who is now twenty-three, was in her fifth grade class, and Angel Daughter Number Two was lucky enough to have her as a teacher in both third and fifth grades.  She is now twenty-one. We requested and insisted on Jen all three times.  She and I became friends, which was not so easy at first because Jen, Jack's mommy, is a very private person.  She didn't want to cross that parent-teacher "boundary".  But, over time, she could not resist just letting me in bit by bit(I knew I would win her over, chocolate helped) and by the time she was ready to move from California to Georgia so that she could afford to stay home with Jack full-time, we had become close friends.  Thank goodness for the Internet!  We were able to remain close friends from a distance and stay updated on each other's lives.  When Jack was first diagnosed with cancer, we wept and cursed and then cheered him on from across the country.

Last week, Jen brought Jack and Kate(her sweet six and a half year old) out to California.  And although we did not have nearly enough time together, I understand that Jack's days are precious and that there was a huge amount that they wanted to pack into a four day trip.  Thankfully, we were able to see them for two of those days.

These photos were taken the first night that we met up with Jack, Kate, Jen and Gretchen(Jen's sweet partner).  Jack was very groggy from some of the new pain meds that he was on, but when he woke up, he asked if he could ride in our car on the drive down to our beach house.  We were overjoyed!  Jack has a herd of stuffed cows that accompany him everywhere.  Jen sent me one when Jack was three.  He calls them all "Moo-Moo".  Angel Daughter Number Four is holding my Moo-Moo(who insisted on coming to visit with Jack and the herd!), Jack is holding his.  It was a wonderful, bittersweet, sobering, but never to be forgotten, reunion.

I am so tired.  I am punch-drunk on love.  I am emotionally spent.  And I am grateful, so gosh-darn grateful to have been able to share these precious moments with this boy, our boy.  Your boy.  I can guarantee you, part of your heart will be his, too.  He is that incredibly special.


There will definitely be another "Jack" post to follow very soon, more pictures to share.  In the meantime, feel free to stop by Jack's website and when you do, please leave a note of encouragement, prayer, love, support, or even just a hello for this beautiful family.  They need all of the kindness that they can get right now, but also, you will find out what it is like to be truly touched by an angel.  The earthly kind.  For underneath all of the sadness, there is grace.  So much grace.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/campjack


With so much love,
Debbie

Jack

                                          *Photo borrowed from the Camp Jack website


This is Jack.  Jack's Mommy is a very dear friend of mine and has been for over ten years.  Jack's Mommy was the most incredible teacher that my two oldest Angel daughters were lucky enough to have, and when they fell in love with her, Mark and I did, too.  From the day that I met Jack's Mommy, Jen, she talked about having children and was finally blessed with two.  Jack and Kate.  When Jack was three, he was diagnosed with stage four neuroblastoma, an extremely aggressive form of cancer.  He went through chemo, radiation, and two stem-cell transplants which bought him five years, eight and a half months of joyous life.  Those years were not without complications, as Jack lost much of his hearing and ended up needing to wear a hearing-aide, but to have Jack on this earth experiencing life with his little sister, Kate and his two Mommies, made all of the torturous treatments he went through worth it.  Jack was living life as only he could!  With love and joy and wonderment.  Jack is an amazing little man.

So, so sadly, neuroblastoma(a word I could barely pronounce, let alone spell before it reared it's ugly head inside of Jack's body) has returned.  It has returned in a way that may be consuming sweet Jack's body, but not his spirit...No, never his spirit.  Unfortunately, it seems as though his beautiful, battered body may not be able to stand up to the rigorous treatments which would be required in order to take a stab at this horrible beast, once again.  Jack has already been through more in his little life, than most adults will have to experience in a lifetime.  There are still options, but thinking about them is enough to make your head spin around.  Jen and Steph are now struggling with the decisions that they must make.


My hands are shaking as I type this and my broken heart is beating wildly, for there are just no words to describe what I am feeling.  No words at all.

Please add little Jack and his family to your thoughts and prayers.  His website is www.caringbridge.org/visit/campjack/journal.  I know that Jen and Stephanie truly appreciate knowing that their boy is being blanketed with lots and lots of good energy.  Feel free to leave this beautiful family a note letting them know that you are there.  They need all of the support that they can get right now.(Thank you, Ness!)

And as you go through your days, please think about Jack.  And when you do, send him as much healing love as you can muster.  Jack is a little man worth knowing.