Remembering Your Wings or Why I Can Relate to a Helium Balloon

I spotted these pink balloons floating heavenward, the other day, and for a moment, my soul froze mesmerized.  It was as if a small part of me somehow remembered what it was like to fly.
So much has changed for me in the past year.  I lost my only brother.  I found out that family can just be a pretty word for strangers who don't know a thing about you, but who pretend that they do.  I also found out that family, when done correctly, can absolutely save your life.  I experienced the true meaning of the word "betrayal" and then, what guilt looks like on people who do intend to cause pain.  It's not a pretty sight.  

But I also learned that death does not separate souls.  It does not mean the ending of love.  It does not cause a relationship to fracture, and in some ways, it strengthens the bond.  In watching those balloons, I felt a momentary separation between my body and my soul.  I remembered what it was like to be free of earthly pain.  I recognized my soul as a very separate part of my being and it reminded me that I could fly.  I remembered my own wings, tethered to their earthly body, yet very much alive and vibrant.  And I believed...I do believe that the strand which tethers my own soul to my body is the very same thread that keeps me connected to those whom I have loved, but who are now flying freely.
When my girls were little, I always told them that a balloon that broke free was a gift for the angels.  A gift for the angels from my Angels.  Because of this belief, they never cried when they lost hold of a helium balloon.  They would stand stoically, necks bent backwards, gazing into the sky, their little hands waving as the balloon drifted higher and higher into the heavens.  They could be strong because they knew that their balloon might be caught by a band of playful angels, or a thoughtful soul looking down, watching over the people that they loved.  They knew that just because they couldn't see their balloon, that it didn't mean that it was now gone forever.  It was just someplace else.  Someplace different.  Someplace they remembered, even if that memory was only somehow felt on a cellular level.

We all have wings.  And although the only flight that we can now experience is with our feet on the ground, it is important to remember what it is like to fly.  And to remember that those who we love, who are no longer attached to this earth, still hold us very close.  As we do them.  And the relationship continues, although it is different.  Because if we try very hard to remember, we will feel the freedom of air moving us skyward like a balloon that has broken free.  And that feeling will be incredible...Absolutely incredible.

May you find a way to feel the gentle movement of the breeze which can bring your sight skyward and try to remember what it is like to fly.  May you take a moment to focus on that strong, invisible thread that connects you, undyingly, to those you love.  Near or far.  May you recognize that the love is just as strong as it ever was.  Flight or no flight.

Breaking Through

If we can still see the light pouring out of the darkness.  If we can look up long enough to see the waterfall of brightness cascading down from the clouds.  If we can capture a moment of clarity on a day in which we are feeling quite dull, then we will unfailingly be able to hold onto hope.  And hope shines much more brightly when we are able to take notice of the contrast.

May you seize the quiet, unexpected moments of hope that show up in your days.  

Angels Taking Flight

May I proudly present to you, The Theatre Performance Bachelor's of Fine Arts Class of 2009.  This is group of talented, ambitious, spirited, intelligent, beautiful young people who represent the newest round of "adults" that are perched to soar into their futures.  Over the past four years, I have been lucky enough to watch these very special young people display their amazing talents.  They are dedicated, bright shining individuals who choose to express themselves through the craft of acting.  And act they do.  

Last night, as I entered the theater, I stopped to look at the playbill which represented their final year as a class together.  They chose to have a play written for them that would culminate their work, not only as individuals, but as a group.  There was no grandstanding, no hogging of the spotlight, no small parts, no big parts.  There was only a group of individuals celebrating each other's talents.  Allowing one another to shine.  Holding each other's hands until it was time to break free to go on stage.  I have watched these young people grow from their freshman year until now and the results have been nothing short of fantastic.  The play that was written for them called, New Beulah by Dan Moyer, is a bittersweet comedy.  It highlighted a small town which was being forced to move on because of big-city growth.  It was highly reflective of how these young adults must feel about moving past their college days into a world that is unknown and frightening at times.

I walked into the play seeing each of these individuals as who they are and left with tears in my eyes, and the memory of the characters, on my heart.  These kids are that good, each and every one of them.  They have perfected their crafts in a way that makes you believe that who they are pretending to be, is really who they are at that moment.  Remarkable.
Waiting for the play to begin, I watched my own Angels play outside.  I remembered my oldest Angel pretending when she was younger, and I realized that this is how she chose to test her own wings.  By playing.  Yet when she found out that playing was also an art, how incredibly overjoyed she must have felt.  Her soul could express itself through acting.  What a gift!

Waiting for the show to begin, my three youngest Angels support each other's endeavours.  It is good knowing that we are constantly adding on to our families along the way.
And here they are after the play.  My youngest three Angels supporting and loving on our Angel Daughter Number One.(striped shirt)  You were amazing, baby.  Go break another toe as you go on tonight.

To the wonderful Senior B.F.A. Class of 2009- You can all pull at my heartstrings like nobody else I know.  Each one of you embodies the spirit of an actor.  Each one of you performs your art in a way that is unforgettable.  You are all artists and I am lucky to have been able to witness your growth over the past four years.  Fly confidently into your futures.  You have so much to be proud of.

Just like the people in New Beulah, times change, people move on, and so shall we.  Our resolve is we are only just beginning our journey.

-The Senior Class B.F.A. in Theatre Performance Class of 2009

May you always allow your own spirit the time to play.

Calling All Angels

I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I see us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no safe place and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all you angels

-Angels Baseball theme song by Train

The Four Angels Momma baseball team happens to be The Anaheim Angels.  If you have ever seen the 1994 movie, Angels in the Outfield, then you are already familiar with a wonderful story of hope and faith.  I like that our local team was the inspiration for such a wonderful movie.  I love that our team is called The Angels!(Even though Mark is also a huge Mets fan and that AD1 used to sleep with a stuffed pillow we called Mr. Met.)  Mark has taken our Angels to a countless number of games.  Angel Daughter Number Two is in the process of auditioning for a position in which she would represent the team with her incredible spirit.  Although I don't attend as many games with my family as I would like to be able to, I do enjoy the spirit and the camaraderie that having a "family" team initiates.  I love listening to Mark and the girls talk about the team and who their favorite players are.  I love the bonding that naturally occurs as they cheer for their team.  My husband is, and always has been, an absolute jock, so it is nice knowing that he has daughters who understand that love.

Several months ago, Mark and I attended a fundraiser for our synagogue.  As part of the live auction, someone donated their box for an Angel's game.  Knowing how much Mark and our Angels love going to the games, my paddle(the one that is raised to bid on something) somehow got very involved in the bidding.  By the end of the auction, we were the proud owners of twelve tickets in a private box.  It was an absolute win-win situation!  We were able to support our temple, while also supporting our home team!  I love it when that happens.  
Here I am, standing in the very best spot in the whole world.(which could be anywhere, as far as I'm concerned!)  Surrounded by my Angels.  As they get older and become more involved in their own lives, these moments sometimes become too few and far between.  When I am with my family, everything feels right with the world.
Their love for one another becomes more and more apparent, the older they become.  Watching them together, as a group, reminds me that Mark and I have done what we came here to do.  We have created a loving family and although life is not without some very rough spots, we can get through it if we stick together.
One of my freshman angels!  I have two right now, as AD2 is a college freshman and AD4 is a High School freshman.  I miss my college girls so much when they are at school.
In the back row, a couple of AD3's Angel friends sit next to her.  Next to AD3 is "T", AD1's sweet Angel roommate(our daughter, when she is away from her parents who live in Oregon),and AD 1 and her lovely boyfriend, The Cheesmiester.

In the front row is AD2's adorable, funny roommate, AD2 and then AD4's beautiful Angel friend and AD4.  I love that AD2's roommate felt comfortable enough with us to ham it up in front of the camera!  She fits right in with our silly family.

You can see my love sitting up there in the background, focusing on the game.
I drive them a bit crazy with the camera, but they have learned that if they just grin and bear it(Get it?  Grin and bear it...tee-hee.), then I will go away faster.
AD1 and The Cheesemeister.  They are too cute.(We missed you, Joshua.)
AD4 and her Angel friend.

AD3 displaying her team spirit!
And what made the night even better was that the Angels rallied and beat the Rangers 7-5!  It was an awesome game.
Did I mention how much I love my Angels and their wonderful Angel friends?  It makes me happy to see them so happy.(T, things will get easier, I promise, dear one.  Please be gentle with yourself.)

May you find moments to enjoy and fully enjoy the moments when you find them.  May your own angels surround you.  May you feel their embrace.  May you listen to their whispers whether they come from an earthly angel or on the barely noticed feathery wisps of a passing breeze.